6 things I would like to say to the 16-year-old me

At 16, I taught myself life lessons on how to be in the world based on the only possible reality I knew: my adolescence. Now there is no going back (and luckily) but that slogan often occurs before my eyes “be who you needed when you were younger». When I was sixteen I couldn’t figure out who I needed, but today with a bit more humility and a little less pressure I have half an idea (perhaps because I know myself a little more and I see that all in all I like what I’m becoming?).

These are six little tips that I would like to blurt out at the age of sixteen that I will never have back, but who knows, maybe they will come in handy for someone else *.

1. You don’t have to be the same as others
This is easy (in theory, then in practice we’ll talk about it again). Others seem to know more and better than you when you are sixteen: how to dress, how to talk, how to joke, especially how to think. Following what others are doing is safer, easier, and faster. Even less funny: in your head there is so much stuff that embarrasses you, overexcites you, and intrigues you, who knows what would happen if maybe you listened to it a little more and judged less. Trust your head, it’s not as bad as you think!

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2. You don’t have to stand out at all costs
How sorry? Did you just say not to be like the others? Yes, but as they say: too much is good. You do not live on the moon, you are not an artificial intelligence superior to all other human beings. If there is one thing more boring than following the flock is to do the alternative at all costs to prove to you and the world that you are the most original, inimitable, never seen before, showstopping! Chances are high that someone else has done it before you, and that’s okay. Learn from the best.

3. Having lots of friends doesn’t make you any less alone
You want to prove to yourself and the viewer that you have people to hang out with on Saturday afternoons, to hang out with at school assemblies or eat at recess. You end up seeking approval even from those you don’t like and don’t have a damn thing to do with you. And if they don’t listen to you, don’t you feel completely at ease, or have nothing to say? Don’t fall off the pear tree, friends are not collected as medals and you are not a carnival.

4. Being alone is not necessarily a problem
Here it is, it happens that you wander around the corridors alone, they see you walking down the street without anyone * by your side, not even a toad kissed you by mistake, and that party they didn’t invite you and so you stay at home. Do you know what a tragedy? Take advantage of it. The story is not really true that those who go around alone are weird or loser. First, because even those who go around in company are not necessarily this example of coolness and intelligence. But above all because the time you spend on your own is precious: it is an opportunity to breathe a sigh of relief, remember your strengths, and notice the details. In a couple of years, you will be looking forward to (also) being alone for a while.

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5. Your gender identity is important, but not in the way you think it is
Today you feel female and therefore you have to do this. Tomorrow you feel male and therefore you will surely have to do it this other way. Meat today, fish tomorrow, so what are you? Where do you place yourself? Especially what does it mean male and what does it mean female? No, it doesn’t depend on your beard or how much you like pink. It’s something else, you feel it inside and you express it as you please. Since kindergarten they have divided you between boys and girls, but that division you have never felt yours. You think you have to choose, but you barely know what to eat in the evening. Meat or fish, we said? No, a three-flavor ice cream cone with smarties and waffle. You are valid * the same.

6. You don’t know who you are yet, but there’s no rush
Everyone seems to have a ready answer on what they want to do, study, become. You can’t be left behind and you hurry to answer to show that you too have clear ideas. But it’s not a quiz, there is no one who comes first. And even so? In any case, nothing is won. You have ideas, yes, but also doubts, second thoughts, you are not as sure as you thought. You would like to answer honestly: I don’t know. There is nothing wrong with not knowing, thinking more, changing your mind again. It’s your future, not the debutante ball. You’ll get there too, take your time. That will be your prize.

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