National Coming Out Day is October 11, established to honor LGBTQIA+ people who fully declare their true selves to others – also known as “coming out”. It is a day to honor the act and all the hopes, fears, dreams and expectations related to the future.
The designation began in 1988, on the first anniversary of the second Washington National March for Lesbian and Gay Rights in October 1987. The first march was in 1979.
“National Coming Out Day exists to promote a safe, inclusive and loving world where LGBTQ+ people can live truthfully, openly and without fear,” said Joni Madison, interim president of the Human Rights Campaign. “Coming out isn’t something you do once – it’s a decision we make every day of our lives. Whether for the first time or the first time today, coming out can be a challenging journey, but it is also a courageous decision to live authentically.”
The landscape
Much has changed since that historic political demonstration during the height of the AIDS crisis. In the decades that followed, anti-discrimination laws were enacted, same-sex marriage became the law of the land, and HIV/AIDS went from being a stigmatized death sentence to being manageable – and even medically preventable.
Nearly everyone knows someone who is LGBTQIA+, according to a 2016 Pew Research Center study, and the number of people who identify as LGBTQIA+ has soared, now at more than 7% of the US population, from according to a 2022 Gallup poll.
In fact, some people have never considered taking on something so difficult. More LGBTQIA+ people are free to be themselves from a very young age, with affirmative families and communities and laws that protect and empower.
Still, this “closet” remains. It’s huge, actually. More than four in five LGBTQIA+ people keep their true identities hidden from all or most people, according to a 2018 study by the Yale School of Medicine.
Rates of violence against LGBTQIA+ people have increased in recent years, according to FBI statistics. And there was an onslaught of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation. After the reversal of Roe v. Wade in June by the US Supreme Court, activists expressed concern that same-sex marriage and other LGBTQIA+ rights could be next on the agenda for conservative judges.
LGBTQIA+ people continue to face discrimination in all corners of civic life, including family rejection, bullying at school, marginalization at work, social isolation or worse.
how to come out
How does a person assume? Are there good – or terrible – ways to do this? Coming out is not a one-time act, but a constant negotiation of deciding how and which parts of one’s identity can be safely revealed at a given time and place.
Some question whether it is necessary to hide a family photo at the job interview in a virtual job interview. Others wonder whether to use gender-neutral pronouns to describe the spouse at the client’s dinner. Or worse: there are doubts about sleeping in separate beds or not if you travel to a country that does not recognize same-sex marriage, or worse, criminalizes it.
Coming out, whether for the first time to family or friends, or in new situations at work or in social settings, can cause anxiety. There are so many variables to weigh. But there are some considerations that can help guide the decision. Above all, an LGBTQIA+ person must control their own narrative.
“Remember that throughout the process of coming out and living more openly, you should be in the driver’s seat about if, how, where, when and who you choose to be open with,” Madison said. “Coming out is so powerful – our stories, our identities and our experiences give us collective strength.”
Coming out to the family
Coming out to the family, especially if still underage or living with married parents, can feel like a turning point and have devastating consequences for those who are rejected.
Nearly one in five LGBTQIA+ adults has been homeless at some point in their lives, more than twice as many as their non-LGBTQIA+ peers, according to a 2020 study by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law.
“We know that many LGBTQIA+ youth are coming out even earlier than before,” said Amit Paley, CEO and Executive Director of the Trevor Project, an organization focused on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQIA+ youth.
“While most conversation around National Coming Out Day focuses on the individual who comes out, this day of observance should serve as an important reminder for all of us to commit to creating affirming environments where LGBTQIA+ youth can feel safe and supported. on your own terms.”
Some important considerations when determining how to come out to the family include establishing financial independence or having a backup plan in case the worst possible outcome becomes unavoidable.
It can also help to come out first to a family member who is likely to be supportive and perhaps become an ally when approaching others. It is helpful to remember that a negative reaction initially can change over time, particularly for those who have not had access to education or exposure to LGBTQIA+ people.
Still, not everyone will change their opinions. It’s the reason why so many LGBTQIA+ people have a “chosen” family of supportive friends.
A useful resource to come out to the family is the “Coming Out HandbOOK” (Handbook for Coming Out) from the Trevor Project, which offers a breakdown of commonly used terms, tips for practicing self-care, and a guide to other groups offering help and connecting points.
assuming at work
Coming out at work is a process that begins at the time of the interview and continues with each new encounter and person. In the US, a 2020 Supreme Court decision affirmed general protections for LGBTQIA+ people at work, prohibiting discrimination or dismissal based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
Additionally, 23 states and the District of Columbia have explicit workplace protections for LGBTQIA+ people, and most major employers do as well.
Still, it’s a good idea to check things like a company’s non-discrimination policies, benefits plan to ensure they are inclusive, ratings from the Human Rights Campaign and other LGBTQIA+ groups, and how the employer speaks publicly about LGBTQIA+ support. These are all good indications of how assertive the workplace can be and how comfortable and safe it can be to come out there.
“We’re always looking for psychological safety, in every room or office we walk into, to see if it’s a safe environment to come out into,” said Todd Sears, founder and CEO of Out Leadership, an organization focused on helping companies attract and retain LGBTQIA+ talent and create more inclusive workplaces for the LGBTQIA+ population.
“And while this is challenging, it actually makes us amazing leaders because not only do we need to get to know each other to come out – and this is a universal experience for LGBTQIA+ people – but we also have high levels of empathy for those around us, which makes us great leaders,” he said.
Sears also acknowledged that allies at work are critical. “Allies have to come out as LGBTQIA+ people, otherwise we don’t know who they are,” he said.
Coming out in social situations
Telling friends may be easier than telling family, but a similar guideline applies. Consider telling a friend you consider more supportive, and then use that ally to tell others when the time is right for you. Set the rules, but also set expectations for yourself and know that you can’t always control how information is disclosed.
“Expanding your circle slowly will allow you time to gather your thoughts and feelings, which will help you find clarity to express yourself in less receptive situations,” said Kollyn Conrad, founder and CEO of Publicly Private, a nonprofit organization. that offers support to the LGBTQIA+ community.
Taking on the trips
Travel can present different challenges. Whether it’s safe to come out depends on the law and customs of fate. Laws can change and LGBTQIA+ people can face varying levels of protection in different places, not just based on country but even state.
An overwhelming number of LGBTQIA+ travelers hide their true selves while traveling, citing safety as the reason, according to a 2019 SAP Concur survey.
Resources such as the Movement Advancement Project’s legislative map and Equaldex, a collaborative knowledge base that visualizes LGBTQIA+ rights through maps and timelines, can help plan trips. The US Department of State also offers information and tips for LGBTQIA+ travelers.
Be sure to check local laws, including whether there has been public support in support of the LGBTQIA+ community or whether it has hosted LGBTQIA+ Pride celebrations.
Behavior that could be considered dangerous or criminal could include holding hands with a person of the same sex, taking a room with only one bed in a hotel when you are with a same-gender partner, or requesting sex on a dating app.
In places like Qatar, the United Arab Emirates and Nigeria, among other countries, such acts can be punished with the death penalty. In many other countries, LGBTQIA+ people can face jail time.
how to be an ally
For those who are not LGBTQIA+ but want to be allies, there are little things that can create a more supportive environment where LGBTQIA+ people feel comfortable coming out.
Speak up if you witness an injustice. Use gender-neutral pronouns if you don’t know how someone identifies and enter conversations without presumption.
Mark your workstation or car or t-shirt with an LGBTQI+ Pride sign. Or join a resource group at work or in an organization and volunteer and simply present yourself as an ally to someone you know who is LGBTQIA+. This can go a long way toward making an LGBTQIA+ person feel safe to come out.
Somewhere over the rainbow, in an idyllic future universe, closets will be gathering dust and LGBTQIA+ people will no longer need to go out. Until that day comes, security and self-preservation are paramount, and coming out will remain a deeply personal act that will look different in different situations.
*Editor’s Note: Allison Hope is a writer whose work has been featured in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, Slate and elsewhere.
Source: CNN Brasil
I’m James Harper, a highly experienced and accomplished news writer for World Stock Market. I have been writing in the Politics section of the website for over five years, providing readers with up-to-date and insightful information about current events in politics. My work is widely read and respected by many industry professionals as well as laymen.
