Andrea Giambruno, the “emotional predator” and those signals that women often don’t want to grasp

They say that marriage is like an Easter egg: you never know what surprise you might find inside. And although it wasn’t a real marriage in the case of Giorgia Meloni and Andrea Giambruno, the fact remains that the relationship concluded between the Premier and the journalist lasted almost ten years and that it was sealed seven years ago by the birth of a daughter.

Since October 20, however, the two are no longer a couple and attention is very high on the reasons that led Giorgia Meloni to definitively break off the relationship. In particular, on the sexist and inappropriate phrases addressed by the television journalist towards a colleague during some episodes of his program and spread by Striscia La Notizia. Attitudes that generate indignation and perplexity not only for the significance of the words spoken, but also for the psychological picture that they seem to outline upstream.

Phrases like “You are an intelligent woman, but why didn’t I meet you before?”or “Are you engaged? Are you an “open-minded”? What is your name? But have we already met, you and I?” or again “Do you know that me and… are having an affair? All of Mediaset knows it, now you know it too. But we are also looking for a third participant, let’s do foursomes…” – including the comment at the end of everything intended to belittle what was said “But what did I say, guys, come on… We laugh and joke” – seem to highlight the psychological profile of a so-called «emotional predator».

“The emotional predator, like the manipulator and the narcissist, has a somewhat particular conception of life”, explains the psychologist and personality scholar Ana Maria Sepefounder of the journal of psychological sciences Psychoadvisor and author together with Anna De Simone of the book You get sick from love, you heal from love (Rizzoli, 18 euros). «He feels special, above the needs of othersheyn right to belittle the people around him as well as anyone in front of him, as he is committed to exercising his sense of right. He also tends to “normalize” everything he says that is excessive and inappropriate, and he is very skilled at this, because it is intrinsic to his way of being.”

Why you fall in love with an emotional predator

There are quite a few intelligent, talented and professionally accomplished women who fall into this behavioral trap. «The fact that a woman is highly gratified from a professional point of view does not mean that she is also emancipated from a psycho-affective point of view» specifies Sepe. «Anyone can stumble upon these relationships and it shouldn’t be surprising. Often, we adults move through the world with the same needs as when we were children: to be loved, to be protected, to be validated, to be validated. Legitimate needs when you are a child and are naturally forced to depend on adults, but which should gradually diminish once you grow up. This does not always happen and it can happen that one emancipates oneself from a social and professional point of view, but not from a psycho-affective one, especially if there is a less than idyllic childhood history behind oneself and a strong emotional deficiency.”

Inevitably, this emotional deficiency will therefore have consequences once we become adults. «It produces an “emotional blindness”, a psychological mechanism that leads to “turning one’s gaze elsewhere”, to distorting reality», specifies the psychologist. «This defense mechanism leads to the acquisition of cognitive distortions that push one to accommodate the image of the other. Technically it is called “ego-syntonic” behavior, meaning that it leads to justifying the choices made, to being in harmony with our decisions, even if they are dysfunctional”.

In the vortex of “love collusions”

Anyone who has a history of emotional deficiencies is a person hungry for love, subject to so-called “love collusions”. «Those who lack affection inevitably become closer to an emotional predator because he is the one who apparently manages to fill that void. The emotional predator is very skilled at deceiving those who are hungry for love, so much so that precisely in this case the so-called love bombing phenomenon arises.”

The signs to recognize an emotional predator

But how is it possible that an intelligent woman doesn’t notice this? «In reality the signs are there and they are very obvious. The point is that we are unable to grasp them, precisely because, due to that aforementioned mechanism, we tend to assume the other’s point of view and normalize her behavior. The need to give coherence to one’s choices makes, then, leads one to see one’s love life as “fulfilled”, even though the signs say otherwise. The emotional predator is therefore justified by repeating phrases such as “he’s like that”,”he says it but he doesn’t really mean it”, “he’s a joker”, and so on. In other words, we turn the other way or look for a justification”, explains the psychologist.

So what are the warning signs that we must certainly consider, even if perhaps we are close to a “victim” of an emotional predator? ««The main characteristic of the emotional predator is thehuge egobut there is also another that is often underestimated: the abnormal sense of right – that is, that everything is owed to him – Also when it is out of place or inappropriate; the fact of do not accept compromises; the total lack of empathy, considering that you can spend hours talking to this person but they will never be able to come into harmony with what you say, because they will always be focused on themselves”, specifies Sepe. «Another characteristic is envy, which we know well is the result of frustration. Because, fundamentally, the emotional predator is a frustrated person. But while there are those who suffer frustration, generally ordinary people, he shifts it to others, because he is also passive-aggressive. If he suffers an injustice, it is easy react by committing an evil acta disturbing gesture towards another person”.

How to get out of a dysfunctional relationship

As much as one may try to warn a person involved in a relationship of this type, those who are hungry for love will never listen, because they are too attracted by what the predator apparently gives them. The problem, therefore, is upstream. «The point is not so much how I can distance myself from this type of relationship, but why I choose people like this. Trying to trace our experiences, the small or large traumas that perhaps we have no memory of, is the key to everything. Healing is possible by doing retrospection, and overcoming that void that conditions us by becoming parents of ourselves”, specifies Ana Maria Sepe. «Anyone can stumble and fall into dysfunctional relationships, because we brought certain shortcomings with us as we grew up. We think we are rational, in reality we are emotional beings, we make unconscious choices. But the way out exists. And it is not in front of us, but behind us, in those knots of the past that we must turn back to untie».