Are you going to get married? Read this book first

The chat of her friends on where to have the bachelorette party tells us that in Lisbon it is cool, however “after six months she has already separated because it turned out that instead of playing padel, he was going trans”. The choice of furniture that must “necessarily” include the island in the kitchen and the walk-in closet in the bedroom. The message on Whatsapp after the divorce: “Remember to make the transfer”.

It just came out in the bookstore Till divorce do you part but it should be distributed in schools, as an education in affectivity in the real world and in real society: it is divided into three parts, one his point of view, the other her point of view, the last is the LGBTQI + perspective. And de facto couples, who laugh mockingly looking at the title on the cover, do not feel safe, thinking they have avoided marriage, because “those are weddings too”. It is a book “that addresses all the clichés about the couple, of all kinds,” says the author Giuseppe Culicchia. “Things you once found in Falling in love and love by Francesco Alberoni… ».

Did Alberoni read it?
“No”.

Her book can be read like a manual, but it assumes that love ends anyway.
«It is not comforting, no. Besides, I don’t invent anything: the statistics on the duration of marriages are merciless ».

We laugh, a lot.
“It’s a satire on the things that happen in a couple, even independently of one’s will. And also for those who leave deeply in love ».

Could it be too cynical to give it to someone who is getting married? Or is it an exorcism?
«It is a propitiatory rite: although we have read the book, we get married anyway. It is a bit like the episode, true, that happened in Naples, the homeland of superstition and marriages: the divorce lawyer who gives her assistant betrothed a voucher for legal assistance in the event of divorce. It is not cynicism, it is practical sense. Everyone takes their own responsibility: I have said what I had to say ».

Whoever chooses to get married is never ironic: whoever has done so assures that it is a “qualitative leap”, “afterwards it is different”. Who is going to do it that “you love”, “is the one, or that, right”.
“Those who marry take themselves very seriously, of course. Because in marriage you have to believe in it, she is a faith. I could compare it to football faith: no fan is self-deprecating. Even those who, before, had not contemplated it, once entered the mechanism, dehumanize, become an automaton by organizing “the big day”, everything must be perfect. It is an unstoppable and fascinating mechanism ».

Could we say that yours is a premarital course?
“Absolutely yes. Going to a premarital class today, in case you choose to get married in church, is like going to a reptilian gathering. Let’s say that it arises on unrealistic assumptions, such as that you don’t have to have sex before marriage. My “course” is more realistic. Some parts are true stories: for example, I “peeked” the chat with friends about the bachelorette party ».

By the way: in the book there is the friend who tries to dissuade you, and who tells you «it’s like sushi. Are you sure you want to eat sushi all your life? ” How important is sex in the end of the relationship?
“It has a lot to do. You get tired, it’s natural. My mother got married unscathed, today no one is at the altar. If once upon a time the sexual vibration was only about him, now it is about her too. The difference is that, while for him it is fundamental, the woman also knows how to think of other things ».

Who do you think will read this book the most?
“Women. At the first presentation they were the clear majority and I explained it to myself this way: women read more. A little bit, for straight males, divorce is a failure, and it’s still a taboo subject. Then there are the homosexual couples who have desired civil unions for a long time and for whom separation is even more a delicate issue ».

Why does the LGBTQI + perspective have less space in your description of the moments of passage towards the wedding, from the introduction to the future in-laws to the trips to Ikea?
“Because I refer to what was written before: the dynamics that start from males or females are the same, or similar, when it comes to gay couples”.

She writes: “Getting married often means gambling your guts.” Were you inspired by your divorce?
“Given that my separation was very civil, it has to do with mine as well as with everyone’s.”

Would he remarry?
“Never say never, as the James Bond movie put it. Of course I would not like to end up in the dynamic of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton who continued to divorce and marry non-stop: persevering is diabolical ».

Did you have your ex-wife read the book before publishing it?
“No. In general I believe that if you write a book, paint a picture, be a director and in general you are an artist, you never have to be careful not to offend anyone. It’s dangerous. Literature must make us uncomfortable ».

The book is ironic on issues on which irony is not tolerated today: fluidity in sexual orientation, patriarchy, menstruation.
“I do not care. I do not tolerate the intolerance of those who say they are tolerant. We are now afraid to call things by their name, for example the “layoffs” have become “redundancies” ».

He also talked about it in his penultimate book, And they pretended happy and content.
«Yes, they are hypocrisy. I don’t believe in the words “cute”. However, I had Swift as inspiration, with his Modest proposal, when he imagines solving the overpopulation among Irish Catholics by making the rich eat the children of the proletarians. I wrote a satire, and satire is satire ».

When, in the straight male role, he quotes Norman Mailer: “You can’t say you really know a woman until you’ve met her in court,” is he taking the side of separated fathers who have been ruined economically?
“I don’t personally know anyone in person who lives in a car. But just take a trip to Caritas to understand that the amount of men who ended up on the street after a separation is high. There is a whole legislative issue that focuses on the protection of children, it is all calibrated on this. I do not take anyone’s side: as I write in the book, unfortunately, in Italy there is still a disparity in economic treatment between women and men and many, if they have a child, still leave their jobs ”.

Would you have your 13-year-old son read the book as a sentimental education?
“Of course. If poetry wants to cultivate it, it cultivates it anyway, but I also see the book as a warning. However, I don’t think he wants to read my books. We as parents were the ones who read aloud when he was still in his mother’s womb, because it was said that she would make him want to read. It did not work”.

The news of the divorce between Ilary Blasi and Francesco Totti, the question of Rolexes and bags: shouldn’t they make faith in marriages collapse?
“When I was correcting the proofs of the book, I learned this, but I didn’t include it in the book, out of respect for the private affair. In the case of Totti and Blasi, many, not just the two of them, had believed the story, and the disillusionment hurt many. But despite everything, we continue to hope. The truth is that we need fairy tales, and to console ourselves ».