When did you feel close to your father?
Next to look in the eye, cry, say you love.
This father, fortunately, I can say that today is mine – but that was only possible after I came out of the closet.
Crazy right?
I will never forget the day Mr. Carlos called me and said bluntly: “son, i talked to your mom just now and she told me you are gay”.
I was so surprised I couldn’t even respond.
He, more quickly, added: “For me that’s no problem, I love you anyway, but I’m sad to hear that you got married and didn’t tell us anything”.
Yes, yes… I did it. Shame.
And then came the sentence, to close: “I planned your brother’s wedding and I didn’t even go to yours. I had that right”.
Yes father, you had the right, but the fear of thinking that we are going to disappoint those we love the most sometimes paralyzes us.
And sure enough, like me, many people in the LGBTQIA+ community are also paralyzed by LGBTphobia.
But it’s a good thing we have the strength to go on.
Ready for today’s story?
When we say that “someone became a father”, I’m sure that for All Ice this phrase has greater weight.
When his son Malcon turned two, All Ice understood that he was a trans person.
I went through a very long process of becoming a father, of understanding myself as a father. I had Malcom when I was 18 years old, very young, I was very confused with several feelings of fear, fear, fear of this new one. So it was very confusing for me, because I never really identified as a female figure. I was never a mother, right? Never been to this place so it was pretty scary for me
All Ice, Malcom’s father
Being a father, for the musician and technical supervisor of an LGBTQIA+ foster home, is almost like an acknowledgment of his identity.
“I think this fatherhood strengthened me a lot even in accepting who I really was. I understood myself as a trans man and Malcom was very young, but he welcomed me a lot, and then from that point on I started to deconstruct this maternal image for people and for myself and I got closer and closer to this paternal image.”, says All Ice, who is now 24 years old.
I’m not a father yet, but I think this father image is built up regardless of whether you’re cis or trans.
I also think that what we lack is a reference for parents in the community.
If we stop to think that it was only in 2015 that the STF – the Federal Supreme Court – regulated the adoption by same-sex couples at the national level, we are really late in this queue.
Betho and Erick were one of those couples.
I usually say that we expect this call a lot, I expected it every day, but it comes at a time when you least expect it
Betho, Stefanie’s father
That call came two years after they filed for adoption. Today, Stefannie is four years old and, for both of them, being a father is still a recent trip and without references.
“I wasn’t introduced to families like mine, it wasn’t introduced in children’s stories and books, my family didn’t introduce me to real cases when I was a child or teenager and we enter the process without knowing any family”, said Beth.
Today, the fears and challenges of raising a child in the role of parent are being overcome day by day. And the toys scattered around the house are proof that here, as in any house with children, they are the ones who dominate.
At João’s house, a psychologist, it’s no different. Gabriel also arrived after almost five years of waiting. Today, he raises his son alongside his husband and his father, who is proud to have given his grandson his last name.
I was happy with life. Having a grandson, Gabriel, is really cool. João sent me the birth certificate, so it’s Gabriel Rezende Romão, which is my last name. So I was very happy. I followed this battle with João, very time consuming and bureaucratic to adopt and the time we got it was great
mr Devancir, father of João, grandfather of Gabriel
For more parents like Devancir, Betho, Erick, João, All Ice. And my father Carlos.
Parents who put their children first in their lives.
And fighting for us and them to be who we want to be.
Happy Fathers Day.
- Production : Carol Raciunas and Letícia Brito
Source: CNN Brasil
