«Come I enjoy»: the book that demolishes all the clichés of female sexual (and relational) life

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The difficulty for us women to masturbate or to talk about it openly? The fact that we feel “obliged” to shave? Being ashamed of using a sex toy for our personal pleasure? It’s not all the fault, but largely yes, of the stereotypes artfully built over the centuries, often the result of one male chauvinist tradition which has become the norm and which, above all, has led women to feel wrong, to abdicate their desires, the natural and joyful impulses of the body.

Today we try to talk more often and more naturally about the sex, especially from the female point of view, even a book can play its part.

“How I enjoy” is a small adventurous guide to female pleasure, published by Vallardi, and thought and illustrated above all by Lyons, to the century Marta Puig, Spanish director and illustrator, known for her music videos, which investigate love and relationships in all their forms, and above all for her feminist and counter-current illustrations. On Instagram she is known as @lyona_ivanova and with his fan base of over 210,000 followers, he is a point of reference in the world of illustration.

In “Come I enjoy” Lyona enjoyed blowing up and rewriting, with irresistible humor and tenderness, the canons of desire. Draws the much debated clitoris, giving it a voice and revealing its secrets, investigates the false rules of first dates, sexual scripts, habits that often lead to behaviors that do not please either woman or man.

A book that offers a daring invitation to explore, to discover the body, one’s own and the other, to listen to and enjoy without guilt. Why the pleasure is power!

Curious to know what some of the “overturned” clichés by Lyona in her book? We reveal them to you below and in our gallery: browse it now!

Male pleasure is central
In relationships, even just sexual ones, the pleasure of him is at the center of everything, even of our thoughts: how cute and presentable we make ourselves to please him and how much to really please ourselves? And if he offers us a position that we don’t like or is about to reach its climax, without expecting us, how capable are we of saying no?

Sex toys and female masturbation: how hard it is to even talk about it!
Sex toys and female masturbation are still taboo topics: how many of us talk about them openly and without problems even just between friends? How many do them regularly? Our society is based on a heteropatriarchal model, which prioritizes male pleasure, demonizing and stigmatizing that of women.

We all want Prince Charming… Oh yeah, really?
They made us believe that we women seek only love and that we do not need sex, to dominate and subjugate us, relegating us to the margins of society. But pleasure is power.

Who said that penetration = sex?
Sexual intercourse is thought to be complete only when penetration occurs, this is because the view of sex is phallocentric and is based on the male sexual response. But sexual intercourse can easily be based only on what we know today as foreplay: oral sex, kisses, caresses, licks, finger play … Penetration may not even exist. Indeed, statistics show that female orgasm occurs during clitoral stimulation more than with vaginal penetration.

Porn is masculine and sexist
The pornographic model that is still the most popular today is masculine and male chauvinist. First of all, it is fast and simple: the protagonists see each other, desire each other, begin to have sex and it all comes down to pleasing and making the man reach orgasm, almost completely ignoring the pleasure of the woman, who is not concentrated at all alone. on penetration and which above all requires long foreplay, which often does not start in bed, but much, much earlier. For this reason, feminist porn is beginning to spread today, conceived, shot and directed by and for women.

Clitoris, this stranger!
In school books it was never represented, no one ever talked about it (to tell the truth, no one ever spoke of any sexual organ): simple, because the clitoris in the apparatus called reproductive has the only function of pleasure. Over the centuries, silenced, hidden and rejected by a certain heteropatriarchal culture to try to subdue women, today it is making a comeback as a great – fundamental – protagonist in all-female pleasure.

The image of sex is perfect …
… But sex isn’t. Or at least, not everything goes smoothly as it is portrayed in the collective imagination. Sex is not impossible positions, vulvas always perfectly shaved, smooth and smooth bodies or without rolls, simultaneous orgasms and achieved without effort or heterosexual and white couples. Sex is also pubic hair, bodies that do not conform to the common idea, done between the elderly or during the cycle, between people of the same sex or with genders that go beyond binarism. Sex is beautiful because it is varied, and above all free.

The most powerful erogenous zone? The brain
And not just for women, even for men. Although they are more visual, try asking a man if he doesn’t get high for hours after sexting or phone sex done right. Similarly, even more so, for a woman, arousal starts entirely from the brain: have you ever been aroused by reading an erotic novel? Or listening to a voice? Here it is.

Holy or no good: duality in the female vision
For centuries and unfortunately still today, one of the dichotomies concerning the definition of woman has to do precisely with sex: either she is holy – a desirable vision -, therefore little or no interest in sex, or she is a bad one, if by chance she dares to confess that she likes sex. If she loves to talk about it, do it, research it, do it alone, do it during pregnancy, do it after childbirth, do it in a strange way, do it in a bold way … the epithets that are stuck on her are irrefutable and difficult to detach. Why? Aren’t we women given to enjoy? Ah no, for a long time. But it’s time to take this freedom back.

Pleasure empowers us
Over the centuries they have tried to silence this fact, inculcating in us the image of the pure woman, suitable only for procreation and for the satisfaction of men, submissive and submissive. This is because orgasm allows you to produce dopamine, the pleasure hormone, which immediately makes you feel more euphoric, energetic, focused. Not only that, testosterone is also released, the male hormone par excellence, which gives confidence and strength. In a word, we are more powerful, physically and mentally. So, let’s listen to each other, let’s free ourselves, let’s please. Let’s do it for our freedom and our happiness.

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