Custody of children: what happens when it is not shared?

“Shared custody is the rule because it responds to the minor’s right to two-parenting. It can be waived only when there are serious reasons », the lawyer starts from this basis Marco MelitiPresident of the Italian Association of Family Law and Psychology, to talk about the increasingly frequent cases of clashes in the custody and removal of children from their parents.

The latest case comes from Bari. The court has decided to exclusively entrust the daughter of one to the father
divorced couple. Mom was considered unfit to take care of her daughter, which he allegedly exposed “to serious health risks” with a fast food diet and caused his academic performance to drop. According to the judges, the woman would no longer have “full control of parental activities” and she has also lost parental responsibility.

The serious reasons that lead to derogation from shared custody have weighed in the choice of the judge. What can they be? It is not codified and therefore different cases arise from time to time. “One of the problems that have arisen the most is that linked to the indiscriminate application of the so-called PAS, the parental alienation syndrome, in English Parental Alienation Syndrome, a theory that has not found any scientific recognition. So we tried to theorize that every time the child expresses a refusal towards the other parent, this always depends on the malevolent mother. An easy shortcut that does not take into account that there can be many reasons that lead a child to reject a parent, as in cases of maltreatment »explains the lawyer.

We need to look carefully at the real reasons behind a rejection and listen to the children. «In the case of Bari, the affair is rather complex and, often, cases like this are difficult to manage even for the judge. Here the relationship with the father had become almost non-existent, as his mother hindered their relationship and encounters. Her mother did not cooperate with social services and, according to reports, she was not deemed fit to follow her in her studies, in addition to not having her follow a diet appropriate to her age. ‘

“The weak part of all these situations, as in this case, is that the child, accustomed to living alone with her mother, despite all the difficulties presented, within 10 days he will have to go to live with his father, moreover with the suspension of maternal visits. So the minors always pay the biggest break »adds Marco Meliti.

A recent ruling by the Court of Cassation says that the mother does not lose responsibility
parental even if it opposes the father-son relationship because the right to parenthood is, in the first place, a right of the children. “We are witnessing an excessive medicalization of family law proceedings. It is almost pretended that the separated couple, from the parental point of view, works better than the cohabiting one. Removal and other serious authoritarian measures should be theextrema ratio. We need to work on the willingness of the parties to share parenting and ensure careful listening to the discomforts expressed by the minor which must be repeated over time “, concludes the lawyer.

Shared custody is preferential. Considering that 85% of separations are consensual, it means that the management of children has also been resolved with agreement here. In 15% of judicial there are these cases. “In that of Bari, the court considered that the mother’s educational model, which remained the only one since there was no contact with the father, was contrary to the interests of the child. The right of adults must give way to that of minors“.