Emma Marrone: «Don’t call them dreams, they are goals»

This article is published in issue 47 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until 22 November 2022

I love women who are friends with women. Women who know how to be generous. And I appreciate those who have had incredible gifts and yet remain normal. Their passion, their determination make you want to be like them. They make you dream. The more the years go by, the more I admire their courage. Because it’s a courage that helps you face life, that requires you to always be grateful, that makes you understand that if you’re a lucky person, then you can and must do something for others. Monday morning. Emma Marrone and I meet in a comfortable and slow time.

I’ll tell you right away: I’m not a journalist. But I am an expert on women, talent and rights.
“Then I’d say we’re off to a good start.”

I got ready. And your career has inspired me a lot. But first of all: do you have any questions for me?
“No. But I too have prepared myself on you. And I can tell you it’s a pleasure to talk to a powerful woman. I know you are a mother of three daughters and I can imagine the disaster with all these women in the house. But how do you find a compromise between private life and work? How do you manage to be independent, strong and a mother?».

Here, let’s start from here. How difficult was it for Emma to be independent?
“I have no difficulty being an independent woman, because it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a child. Mom tells me that when she took me to kindergarten all the children were desperate. I didn’t have time to arrive when I was ready to get out of the car. I have always lived well in my independence».

Even in love?
“In love, we women often think that men are the problem. It is not true. In love what matters is to be solved. But someone like me scares. You know what my friends tell me when I cook stew and lasagna for them? “You are beautiful, you are intelligent, but why can’t you find anyone?”. I answer: “Because you have overcome Emma’s obstacle, the others have not”. If people had the courage to forget Emma, ​​the artist, then everything would be easier.”

You recently lost your father. Was it important to your independence?
“My father has always been the third child in the house, the youngest. As a boy, he had to take care of his eight siblings because he lost his mother. So when he met my mother he was Peter Pan again. More than a father figure, my father was my best friend: we went on tour together, drinking, playing mischief. He was a mixture of fragility, insecurities, desire for affection. He was playful. He was a big kid.”

What a beautiful word fragility. Fragility is strength. Can you be fragile?
«I am fragile and at the same time strong because I have learned to come to terms with myself. I know I have very dark parts, parts that I’ve had the courage to face over the last few years. I learned not to be afraid of it anymore, not to run away anymore. Fragility is knowing how to live with one’s dark sides, with one’s monsters».

What are your monsters?
“Illness has been one of my monsters. The other is control. When I miss something, I lose my mind. I learned to handle control when dad passed away. He was like me: he put order outside to put order inside. His death taught me to stop being precise all the time. In the end, in the drawing of life, today I allow myself to color even outside the borders».

Why make a documentary?
«Because I want to decide how to tell myself. I had carte blanche, we shot for two and a half years: I wanted to show people what was behind the stage. And that when they saw me smiling, I was battling the disease instead. I would like the documentary to make people think about digital bullies, those who judge people without knowing the battles they are facing».

For every battle, for every dream there is a price. What was the price of your dreams?
“I paid dearly for my dreams. No one has ever given me anything. Everything I have is the result of my stubbornness. And then you know what? I no longer call them dreams. They are objectives. I was a lucky girl because my family was full of harmony, freedom rather than money. When my friends went to school with the Invicta backpack, my brother and I had the “Invetta” one. Designer jeans came in at most for Christmas. Plus, I’ve never looked for boyfriends. I had my first sexual intercourse when I was 21. Because I had to be a singer and I couldn’t have people distract me from my goal. I chose this profession for redemption».

What did you want to redeem?
“I wanted to redeem myself, my family and my mother’s mortification of not being able to help myself in many respects”.

How did you know you were a good singer?
“I owe everything to my father. I was a discreet child, I didn’t get on the chair to recite Christmas poetry. I stole Mina and Vanoni’s cassettes in my father’s car. Then I locked myself in my room and sang about it. One day he comes home early and enters the room while he sings. From that moment he tried in every way to drag me into music. I did not want to. I fought with him for years because it was violence for me to sing in front of an audience. Then he makes this band that he throws me into. I was 10 years old. If you look at photos from that period, I was always frowning. I didn’t realize how powerful that little girl who sang Mina was».

I ask you: what was the price you paid for your goals?
«The highest price I paid was to leave home. I was fine in my house because I’ve always been free there. I left when I was 25 and the first periods were very difficult. I didn’t experience many things: births, deaths, marriages… I was always busy with my work».

A young woman’s relationship with money is crucial. What was yours?
«Thanks to my financial independence, I was able to afford major operations in private clinics, when I really needed them. I’m not a spendthrift: I’d rather pay ten friends for a dinner than buy myself a luxury item. I like to share. Money doesn’t bring happiness but it avoids many problems for families. I have a lot of respect for money.”

Have you ever missed them?
“Of course. In fact, I did many jobs as a girl: after high school, I wanted to go to the Dams in Rome but my parents couldn’t afford it. So I worked as a sales assistant, as a warehouse worker, as an elderly care assistant. The goal was simple: put gas in the car to go to the tests. Or buy microphones for concerts. I worked during the day, and at night I went to play at parties and weddings».

Would you sing at your wedding too?
“I’ve never wanted the white dress and I don’t think I have to promise love to anyone in front of anyone. I am very faithful in life, in friendship and also in music: I have been with the same record company for ten years and with the same manager for the same number».

Well, the same manager. Few women bet on other women.
“You don’t know how many struggles I fought to get my manager accepted into the music business. They said: is she your assistant? And me: call it that again and I’ll break your face. I work with many women and I know how much they have to work twice as much as men. But do you know what really counts in building a team that works?».

What?
«Having around people who don’t lie to themselves and to others. My team’s secret is to always tell the truth.”

You’re kind?
“Yup. But if you fuck with me, I’ll become a beast.”

You have a great sense of respect, freedom, justice. Where does it come from?
“From my family. We talked about everything between us. Of homosexuality, for example. My parents taught us that love doesn’t judge, that all love is always love. And if you hear it in the 90s, then it sticks in your head. At school there was a child from the orphanage who always came to class without a snack. As soon as my mother found out she started having a snack for two. If you were born into this context you have the instinct to protect. Growing up I just amplified everything ».

Who, in your opinion, still has little voice today, little consideration?
“Women. Because there is so much violence against women. And I’m not just talking about domestic violence. We live in a country where a woman to have a child alone has to go abroad because assisted fertilization is not provided for. In Italy a man studies and can reach a position of power, a woman works twice as hard and is questioned in her first motherhood. In Italy you cannot go to your gynecologist to ask for donor sperm because you want a child. Not even when you’re forty and you know very well that the love of your life isn’t
you will find soon. How many women lose their fertility at the age of 40 due to leukemia and there is no doctor to explain egg conservation to them? And what do they answer you? If God doesn’t want it, then it’s no good. But why do I have to go to Spain to do this thing and I can’t do it in my country? This is violence.”

Did you store your eggs?
“I kept the ovarian tissue. I get excited about these topics because I know many women who have had to move abroad to conceive a child by themselves. Why do we have to be forced to have a child only with a man here? This is violence. We are not free to manage our bodies.

Are women always in battle?
“Yup! And it is a cultural battle against everything that is unjust, retrograde and is not making us move forward».

We talked about the price of dreams. Does popularity also have a price?
“I lead a very normal life. I do everything by myself, even shopping at the supermarket. The divas no longer exist. And thank goodness”.

What advice would you give to someone chasing their dreams?
«Those who are born with the sacred fire of doing something don’t need advice, they know it. It is at the end of the race that you see who keeps running. There are those who surpass you because they have guessed the right connections, but those who are born with fire inside, whether it’s art or medicine, sooner or later get there».

Your next dream?
“I have no dreams. I just wake up in the morning and stay clear».

Last question: why Wrong as the title of the documentary?
«The title is ironic, but I always like to be a little over the top. It is precisely my being wrong that made me Emma ».