Euridice Axen: «I watch porn, no more hypocrisy: women like it too»

“In my room I hung a poster that said: I watch porn. You must see the faces strangers make when they first enter a house.’

What faces do they make?
“They’re dying of embarrassment. One day, someone asked me: it’s a joke, right? For many men, it is inconceivable.

To break down this and many other taboos, Eurydice Axen turns them into art. The 42-year-old Roman did it in the past, when she lent her face (and a lot of body) to one of the most controversial scenes in the film Their from Paolo Sorrentino: in the car with a slimy minister he takes off his underwear and asks: «Do you smell my fi…a?». He will do it in the future, in the comedy An uncomfortable legacy, broadcast on December 29 on Raiuno, when she slips into the lab coat of a control freak doctor addicted to psychopharmaceuticals. She does it these days, bringing the monologue to the stages of the main Italian cities Seventh sense. Written by Ruggero Cappuccio and directed by Nadia Baldi, the show stages a surreal interview between a hypothetical journalist (who never appears) and the queen of hard films: Moana Pozzi.

It is said that every actor must learn to love the character he plays. What do you love about Moana?
«The strong contrast between his profession and its essence. She was an elegant, profound, very intelligent woman. So much so that, when they watch her interviews, everyone wonders: but why did she do porn? ».

Some speculate that it was a makeshift: he had studied acting, but he didn’t make it big in traditional cinema. Who instead argues that he had an explosive erotic charge that he did not intend to repress.
“There are also those who say the opposite: she was disinterested in sex, and she managed to be so relaxed precisely because she knew how to put a screen between who she was and what she was doing”.

How many porn movies have you seen to identify yourself with Moana?
“To empathize with anyone.”

The first ever he watched?
«I was 11 years old, my best friend had stolen a videotape from her parents’ closet. We made it to the end, to then brag to friends. But since she disgusted us, we covered our private parts with our feet on the television.’

And the last one?
«Dunno, the day before yesterday».

Sincere!
“I can’t stand hypocrisy. And the world is full. Let me give you an example: do you know who likes the show more? To women, who are enraptured by Moana’s personality. The men, on the other hand, react coldly, as if to say: “Among all the characters they could represent, they chose a porn star”.

Are you implying that men are more bigoted?
«I’m saying that those who judge, usually, are the first admirers of Pozzi’s films. And the first to secretly regret the fact that, on stage, I don’t even show my ass».

Seventh sensein fact, does not want to be a biographical story.
«No, Moana is a pretext to denounce what is rotten in today’s society. The message is: real pornography was not hers. At least she declared what she did, she did not deceive ».

What, then, is real pornography?
«The careerism, the compromise, the lie that creep everywhere. In politics, in the workplace…».

Even in yours?
«Especially: it’s all about trying to make friends with the person who is having success, relating to others for one’s own benefit. Asking “how are you?”, when in reality you don’t give a shit, and answering “fine” even if you don’t”.

Of course, it proclaims itself extraneous to these dynamics.
«I have my faults too, please. However, to be honest, I’m really out of the loop: I don’t go to dinners, I don’t have actor friends. I date someone only if it interests me. Otherwise I’m happily at home, on my own.’

Happily?
“I’m so fine alone that I’ve begun to wonder if she’s not telling me a little. Maybe I’m affected by philophobia, the fear of falling in love».

And to think that years ago she said she was waiting for true love.
“He hasn’t arrived. I’ve always had turbulent relationships, which soon turned toxic. If I have to think of an alternative to these cursed loves, only the opposite comes to mind: I imagine myself in bed with a math teacher who says to me (pretends a set voice, ed): “Good Euridice, I’ll finish this equation and I’ll come to you right away”. I can’t even think of her the middle ground, let alone meeting her. Patience. I’m sorry, I’m just missing out on the beautiful things.’

For instance?
“For example, the children. I’m 42, at this point I don’t think I will be. And it’s a pity. Not so much for what motherhood could have given me, but for the opposite reason. I would have loved to raise a happy child.”

And do it alone?
“No, it’s not for me. It’s a step I would only take if I found the right person, someone to go beyond the surface and reach the essence, someone you can count on. But since it’s not easy, instead of being satisfied, I prefer solitude».

Do you ever have a moment of melancholy?
“All time. I was born melancholic, but this doesn’t affect my happiness: for me they are two sides of the same coin. I’m the one who would like to draw people’s smiles to take them away. I’m the one who as a child, while she watched her friends play, instead of immediately throwing herself into the middle, she thought: who knows if their mom loves them, who knows if they have a good dad ».

It touched her raw nerve: some time ago she said that she bears her maternal surname, because her father didn’t recognize her immediately. You met years later, as adults.
«Yes, but I haven’t experienced this absence much: my mother has always protected me. And then, when I was still little, she found a new partner who raised me like a daughter. Moral, today I feel lucky: I can say that I have two fathers instead of having none».

Does he call them both dad?
“Yup”.

And what is your relationship with them?
«With my biological father we exchange ideas, thoughts. We have a friendly relationship, even if it’s deeper than a friendship. With the other dad I behave as if I were still nine years old ».

Of the biological father, also an actor, do you fear the judgment?
«When I was young I would have answered yes, I suffered it. Now, however, I rely on it: even when she criticizes me, I feel that she does it constructively ».

Did you come to see your Moana?
«He will come to Rome in January. But, sporadic advice aside, we never talk about work in the family. Not even with my mother, who was an actress. We really don’t care.”

Strange, actors usually like to talk about their craft.
«Everyone loves to talk about himself. We live in the age of the ego. A while ago I also wrote it on Instagram: I vented about behavior that I consider inappropriate. Every time a famous person passes away, social media fills up with “photos with the dead” and floods of testimonies of “that time he came to see me at the theater and found me wonderful”, “that time when he complimented me.” People don’t post to remember who’s gone, but to celebrate themselves. Are you crazy? I say. He just died, wait a minute!”

Ever posted a «photo with the dead»?
«Look, I’m putting myself in the pile I’m denouncing. I’m an actress, a profession based on appearance. But if these things horrify even me, who take 1500 selfies, there is something wrong».

What relationship do you have with the ego?
“I need affection. More than being applauded on stage, I enjoy being looked after behind the scenes, with little attentions. The smaller they are, the more they warm my heart. If someone from the crew tells me: “I put away a sandwich for you”, she has already made me happy. My ego is a child who exclaims: “Hey, look at me, I’m here!”».

Did you like to be seen as a child?
“Much. I did little shows for the whole family. I was in calisthenics class so I would often take out ribbons, hoops and leotards, and perform. I was a real pain in the ass.”

Was she good at school?
“I was very lively. I was also a bit of a bully in eighth grade. And I’m very sorry.”

Do you want to tell?
«For a while I targeted an Australian girl who had just moved to Italy. I teased her about her accent, shut her out. When I think about it I feel bad. After middle school I never saw her again, then at 18 she sent me a letter in which she confessed to me that I had made her life hell. I replied with pages of apology, but I know that is not enough.

Why was he acting like this?
“I asked myself, but I have not found an answer. I don’t know what goes on in the bad guy’s mind. I was also bullied for a while: around the age of 10 I was slightly overweight, they made fun of me. Among other things, I thought that my attitude could be a reaction to what I suffered. But I know that’s no excuse. I believe that bullying is not just a form of malaise. It’s also a way to assert yourself. Society contains us, or deludes itself that it does. But if we were in the wild, we’d be beasts. Perhaps in pre-adolescence one tries to reclaim one’s self. And sometimes we end up doing it in the easiest and most wrong way: against the weak”.

Have you ever tried to get in touch with that girl again?
«No, I don’t know how to find her, maybe she’s even back in Australia».

Social media can be useful in this.
“I’ll try. Maybe it will help you, I don’t think so.”

What do you mean?
«Even if I don’t show it, I’m very shy, bordering on the pathological. So much so that, not infrequently, embarrassment stops me. In those cases I think: “You see, now I’m the one who feels watched, observed, judged. I deserve it”. I will carry the guilt inside me forever because, it’s true, I could find her and apologize again. But I can’t go back any more.”