Fabulous families really do exist

This article is published in number 21 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until May 25, 2021

The good news comes midway through the interview. The bad one at the beginning: in Italy it is impossible for them to realize the desire for a family. Because Italy is that country in which – while in the Senate the Zan bill, the law against homotransphobia, misogyny and ability, proceeds with difficulty amid a thousand obstacles – many homosexual couples become mothers and fathers. But it’s as if they didn’t exist. They do not want to see either certain politicians – such as the Northern League senator Simone Pillon (“Everything risks becoming a family, and consequently nothing will be a family anymore”) – or the Church (the CEI has just reiterated “the uniqueness of the family, constituted by ‘union of man and woman’).

In the Milanese living room of Francesco Maddaloni and Guido Radaelli, in reality, there is more Italy than anywhere else. To make the collection of fairy tales Fabulous families they challenged distances and prejudices. The book, now published by Salani, was actually already finished in June 2020, financed by 42,500 euros raised in two months with the crowdfunding.


Who ordered it?

Guido: “70% traditional families, 30% homogenitorial”.
Francesco: “Then there’s grandmother Lorella.”

Chi?

G: «On Instagram, many contact us. Of all the biggest fan is Lorella, a 50-year-old grandmother who even wrote to Ricky Martin and Mika to advertise the book. He says he wants his grandchildren to grow up in a world where differences are close at hand. ”

I remember the controversy surrounding the 49 “no gender” books in kindergartens, including classics of pedagogy such as Small blue and small yellow by Leo Lionni.

G: «A 1959 masterpiece, which no teacher would censor. In reality we have done long research on diversity, among children’s books there is little. In the US the most famous is Tango, story of two penguins who adopt an egg. Or there are instructional manuals that list the various types of families, those with one parent, two fathers, two mothers and so on. We, on the other hand, were looking for a book of fairy tales like the ones we read as children, with illustrations, like The cat with the boots by Perrault. Since there is no such thing, we said to ourselves: let’s do it ourselves. We came across the story of two little dogs who become inseparable, each raising the other’s puppies. So we looked for true stories that told “different” families in nature, in which the element of diversity is implied, taken for granted ».

Senator Pillon a Vanity Fair she said: “I don’t want my children to go to school there drag queen who read their fairy tales in which the charming prince marries another prince, or the sleeping beauty is awakened by the kiss of another princess ». You are his nightmare.

F: «We are the nightmare of many. But the country is far ahead of the institutions, the parliamentarians, often far from real life. In the real country, diversity is a fundamental part of everyday life. Our fairy tales do not “indoctrinate” children, they show reality ».
G: «In the concept of ‘nightmare’ there is that of fear: I would advise Mr Pillon to embrace what is different from him, he would discover a sense of peace. When you accept others, you also accept yourself. The book proposes stories drawn from examples that nature has given us, we have not invented anything ».

For some they are “errors” of nature, which do not cause the species to evolve.

G: “But they exist. The issue of divorcees has been a taboo in Italy for decades, and the damage of non-acceptance of situations that already existed have repercussions on the children of separated couples. By now unconventional families are the skeleton, the color and the beauty of our society: not only the children of separated, those who are adopted, those who live with a single parent, with grandparents … Families that have no shape, other than that of love. In all fairy tales the concept that passes is: where you love each other, there is family ».

How was your home?

F: «I come from San Giorgio a Cremano, Naples, my mother is very Catholic and at first she had difficulty understanding homosexuality. He had to make an effort to understand me, but he is also very intelligent ».
G: “On the other hand, I come from a very small village in Brianza, I graduated from Bocconi”.
F: “In this couple, diversity is not only linked to homosexuality but also to ethnicity …”. They laugh

How did you meet?

F: «After the Dams in Rome I came to Milan to work. We kissed at a birthday party, and we got together. Shortly after, Guido receives a job offer in America, his dream ».
G: “I was working in a multinational company, when they proposed New York we had known each other for a month.”
F: “I immediately proposed to leave, but we didn’t make it, and a long-distance relationship started with one rule: don’t let more than three weeks go by without meeting”.
G: “Aided by a Nazi planning of flights in order not to end up on the streets, two years of racing around the world have begun. And then came the idea of ​​the book ».

Come?

G: “We made plans, and we wondered how we would tell our family to our future children.”
F: “And then there was my father who every time I heard him told me: if you want to have a child, however, before the age of 40, because then it’s late …”.

Have you listened to him?

G: “Yup. We have started a journey of gpa (gestation for others, ed) and we are about to become fathers. But let’s not talk about it out of luck ».

Unlike women, who can resort to heterologous fertilization abroad, two men must have recourse to a pregnant woman. How did you explain this to your mothers?

F: «When I told mine that we are going to have a child, she told me: I don’t have the tools to understand this thing, explain to me how to do it. I explained to her how the possibility of contacting an agency that manages the gpa works abroad. After this stage of understanding, she entered a loop of unstoppable joy ».
G: “I just gave mine two bags of clothes to wash that friends gave us: it didn’t fit the skin. He is the first grandson ».

What is the relationship with the person who will give birth to your child?

G: «We want to protect the psychological health of everyone, therefore the carrier – so called because it is not biologically linked to the embryo, it carries the child of others – is not in our circle of family and friends. The context is very protected and regulated, these are women often moved by an altruistic goal “.

Will either of you be the biological father?

F: “Yes, but it doesn’t matter who.”

Do you have any fear?

F: “We know that we will have difficulties, we will have to shield against opposing forces, but we also know we can counter them because our conviction is very solid”.

If you could have adopted, would you have thought about it?

G: “Yes, but today it is impossible for a couple like ours.”
F: “I quote Paolo Bonolis: I don’t understand why a child cannot grow up with two fathers, but in an orphanage with eight nuns, yes”.

The moral of the story is …

F: “Says one of the flamingos in the book: starting a family is a natural desire.”

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