In terms of sexwe often talk aboutmale performance anxietyor those fears that can harbor in a man’s head before or during sexual intercourse, which then undermine the “yield” of the performance, with problems such as erectile dysfunction ol ‘premature ejaculation.
But what about the female universe? Can women also have thoughts or fears that can prevent them from fully enjoying the moment of passion? And if so, how?
We asked the doctor Silvia Gioffredasexologist, and here’s what we found.
Female performance anxiety: what does it consist of?
“Performance anxiety is that feeling of fear or worry appearing before or during sex which alters sexual response and substantially makes the experience less pleasant. Although performance anxiety is one of the most common problems among sexually active men and women, to date it is still not treated as a diagnosis, but rather as a symptom that hides another sexual dysfunctioncreating a vicious circle from which it can become difficult to get out without the help of specialists ».
What can be the causes?
“The main cause is theunhealthy idea that sex should be a performance and that for this reason it is evaluated on the basis of some criteria that never reflect reality. There search fororgasm is one of them: over the years it seems to have become essential to have one or more orgasms with each sexual intercourse. This puts a lot of pressure on people and especially on women who sometimes experience this quest for orgasm as if it were the only important thing about sexuality. Obviously, never being able to have an orgasm requires a specific visit to a specialist, but It is also important to know how to experience sexuality as a journey into pleasure and not as a game of points where every orgasm is essential to keep going.
Another common cause of performance anxiety is little acceptance of one’s body: being naked with another person should be a moment of absolute freedom, but often this is not experienced like this because we compare our bodies and genitals to the impossible standards of mainstream porn models or actresses. Believing that our bodies are not up to par is one of the most common causes of performance anxiety.
Another important cause is the ache. Even today, many people do not know that sex should not be painful and if the pain occurs in every relationship it is essential to do more in-depth investigations. Knowing that next sexual intercourse will feel pain contributes to performance anxiety because our mind already knows what the body will feel. In addition to adding a lot of lube, my advice here is always to consult a specialist as no one should experience pain during intercourse (unless specifically requested).
Other causes can be problems in the relationship or fear of not satisfying the partner “.
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In men performance anxiety can “materialize” with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction: in women what symptoms do you have?
«In the woman it can be concretized with sexual desire disorders (i.e. a decrease and / or disappearance of sexual desire), but also with difficulty with arousalor vaginal dryness and difficulty in reaching orgasm ».
How can you try to solve the problem of performance anxiety?
«The first thing to do is definitely talk to a specialist: performance anxiety is not a condition that can be solved without a healthy sexological or psychotherapeutic path to understand what are the causes that triggered the symptom of anxiety and try to solve them. In addition to this it is important to have a clear and honest communication with the partner: to explain our insecurities and vulnerabilities and to be open to finding solutions together “.
What can be the beliefs, the clichés, the false myths that can raise performance anxiety in a woman? With Dr. Gioffreda we have listed them below: scroll the article to the end to find out.
Whenever women orgasm in non-sexual situations
Coregasm, the orgasm that “comes” while doing sports
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AleksandarGeorgiev Getty Images1/10What if I don’t want to do certain things in bed?
“Luckily, the days of women having to do things they didn’t want to do just to satisfy their partner’s wishes are over. If you don’t want to do certain things, don’t do them. Instead, propose others that make you feel more at ease ».
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2/10If you want to have anal sex without notifying me?
“Even if it’s your partner, every sexual act requires the express consent of the parties involved. If she has anal sex without warning, this is violence and also a very painful act because as we already know, it takes time, lubricant and preparation to have anal sex. Consent must be the protagonist of every sexual act, even if we are talking about a relationship that has been going on for years. If you are in doubt that this could happen, talk to your partner immediately and remind him / her that he / she must always ask for your consent ».
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3/10What if I’m not perfectly shaved, especially under there?
“Hair is a normal component of every body. Nobody can afford to tell you how and how much hair you need to have. If you’re not perfectly shaved and he doesn’t want to have sex with you because you have some hair, maybe it’s not even worth having sex with him. Plus, from a scientific point of view having hair won’t change the quality of your sexual relationship. “
Image taken from the TV series “Sex and the City”
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4/10What if he doesn’t like my taste / smell?
«The same goes for the hair: the vulvas are not made to smell like a freshly picked rose. Vulvas are vulvas, if they don’t like your taste / smell there isn’t much you can do about them. The thing that can make you feel better is that the quality of smells and tastes is subjective, so if he doesn’t like it, somebody else will probably like it. ‘
Image taken from the film “Fifty Shades of Gray”
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5/10What if I don’t orgasm?
«As I said before, if you never reach orgasm at all, then it is good that you talk to a professional. If, on the other hand, there are only a few sexual intercourse in which you do not reach orgasm, don’t worry, it is nowhere written that it is mandatory to come all the time. Sexual intercourse can be beautiful even without orgasms. To calm the minds of those present, you can simply thank and specify that it was a beautiful journey into pleasure ».
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6/10If he notices that I fake orgasm?
“The best thing would be not to pretend. Faking orgasms continues to perpetuate the idea that the number of orgasms achieved is more important than intercourse itself. If you can’t have an orgasm, just say it and work out a way to have real orgasms. “
Image taken from the TV series “Sex and the City”
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7/10If I am too “santarella” / uninhibited for him / her?
“It’s not your problem. We certainly can’t change for other people. If he / she doesn’t like you the way you are, changing isn’t the solution. Do you like yourself the way you are? If so, then what other people think is not your problem. The general rule should be to have sex and / or have relationships with people who don’t ask us to be different from who we are. ”
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8/10What if you think I’m not good at oral sex?
“Here’s the news: no one is good at oral sex. Every genital is different, so every time we approach a new genital, it takes some time to get comfortable with that. Remember that it’s not the innate abilities of oral sex that make the difference, but your willingness to apply yourself. Ask for instructions, ask questions, ask for feedback, if he thinks you’re not good at oral sex, quietly ask him for advice to do better: no one is born “learned”. ”
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jacoblund9/10
What if I’m not physically living up to his expectations?
“In sex, as in all things, the body is the least interesting thing. The big difference is the personality, the desire to have fun and the awareness that the body is only a means to enjoy. If your body makes you enjoy it during sex, then that’s fine. If you can’t feel comfortable with your body, look for a professional who can help you improve your relationship with it “.
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10/10If I can’t do certain positions?
“We should only have sex with people who take any awkward moments in a fun way. If he proposes certain positions to you and then you fail to do them, laugh about it and find some positions that you do best, the possibilities are endless ».
Source: Vanity Fair
