Friendship that lasts a lifetime: why it matters and how to recognize it

Who finds a friend, finds a treasure, says an old proverb. And if it’s a friendship that lasts a lifetime, the treasure – one might add – is even more precious.

count on adeep and lasting friendshipin fact, it is something that each of us feels the need as well as something that can enrich our lives by making us feel better.

To address the topic on PsychologyToday, Steve Albrecht – graduate in psychology and author of several books – which underlines the importance of lasting friendships, reflecting on what their peculiar characteristics are.

First of all, beware of misunderstandings: in fact to define a friendship that lasts a lifetime it’s not so much the actual years of its duration but the depth of its importance. Typically it is one person, or a small group of people, who they have had and will continue to have an important role in our happinessas we have for theirs.

There are, in fact, people we have known for a long time, perhaps since childhood and who, precisely for this reason, we consider ‘old friends’. However, this does not mean that our best friend is part of this group of people: as the author explains, this could therefore be a valid criterion to establish the difference between the duration of the relationship and its quality.

Why is it important to count on a deep and lasting friendship?

Deep friendships are one precious resource because it can make us feel better. Not surprisingly – underlines the author of the piece that appeared in Psychology Today – a review of studies on social media has highlighted how many boys who feel depressed, dissatisfied and emotionally dull, also define themselves as «no friends”.

How do you recognize deep and lasting friendship?

In life, in general, we can count on best friends, good friends, casual friends, work colleagues or just acquaintances. What really differentiates a deep friendship and which stands the test of time from the other relationships we have in life?

Steve Albrecht, suggests thinking about your best friend and trying to answer these questions: is it about a friendship that began in elementary school has it reached today? Was it a chance meeting and can the way you met be described as a good story? Did you meet online and become true friends in person? Was it friendship at first sight?

In fact, most long-term friendships begin with an initial affinity that then grows more and more over time.

Distance doesn’t matter. Trust yes

And be careful: it is said that true friendship is not based on one physical proximity orjust saying, geographical. Indeed, as Steve Albrecht points out, we can have friends geographically distant but even closer, emotionallyof what can be a good friend who lives in our own city.

Other factors that define a long-term or lifelong friendship?

True friendship is made of small thoughtful gestures which do not require anything in return but which show that we have thought of that person and that person has thought of us.

Furthermore, with true friends, intimacy is created, that is you can share secrets and deep details of your lifewith the certainty and trust that those stories will never be revealed to anyone else, including friends you both know or maybe even a partner. Likewise, true friendships are those capable of offering support and support in the most difficult moments of life. Indeed, true friends are capable of to guarantee us two precious tools for dealing with traumatic moments: the possibility of talk and to be together helping us pass the time.

Sometimes you disagree but true friends don’t judge

True friends are also those who ask for our advice and follow it, who know how to appreciate our point of view even when they don’t share it. Who are able to give us their opinion but who do not criticize or judge our choices. In other words, that they will never tell us «I told you”.

Of course, even with real friends it can happen find yourself in disagreement. But what makes the difference is that when friendship is really deep – the author underlines again – you don’t find yourself competing for who is right, who is smarter or who is better at managing your own life.

Basically, you agree to disagree without it ruining the relationship or damaging the friendship. At the same time a true friend, he knows how to forgive.

We laugh at the same things and share similar interests

Furthermore, true friends are also those who make us laugh and who somehow share our humor, laughing at the same things we laugh at.

Although one then tends to think that share the same ideas regarding politics or religion, or the same tastes in terms of movies, music and books is not that important, actually, as the author of the article appeared in Psychology Today underlines, having common interests seems to be an important factor for a friendship that stands the test of time. Because if it is true that opposites attract in the beginning, over the years the differences can sharpen up to create a distance that can jeopardize the duration of the friendship.

An unconditional affection that stands the test of time

However, the aspect that most of all differentiates really deep friendships from the others is that they are based on a unconditional affection. They don’t follow rules but just happen and get stronger over time leading us to see that, despite the decades have passed, those friends are still in our lives as we are in theirs. And that’s what makes them wonderful.

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