How to cultivate the value of humility (and why it’s worth doing)

It is a competitive and uniquely focused company performance. If you don’t orgasm, you’re not good; if you don’t have children, you’re not doing well; if you don’t get certain results at work, you are a loser; If you don’t graduate, you’re worthless.

Those who manage to satisfy every criterion imposed by common thought are considered in line with expectations; who doesn’t, is sometimes driven to resort to cheating to catch up; others, on the other hand, are annihilated (there are recent episodes of young boys who have decided to take their own lives, because they felt like failures with respect to their university career).

Integrity has taken a back seat compared to individual results. This is also why we trade self-esteem for level of achievement. We tend to idealize people with the results they report in any area, everything is reduced to a number, following the model of social networks, which measure the value and power of a “profile” based on the number of followers available. And we treat those who “succeed in life” like a superhumaninstead forgetting that no one is perfect, and if no one is, then we all are.

How to bring humanity back to the center? Dusting off a value, a virtue that is often not taken into consideration, because it is as small as the breath needed to pronounce it: humility.

To be humble or to be modest? The eternal dilemma

Often humility and modesty are used interchangeablybut I’m not. Humility is the value, while modesty is the behavior that comes with being humble. Being humble means becoming aware of one’s limits, detaching oneself from excessive self-confidence and pride. That doesn’t mean you’re not ready to overcome them. Humility has to do with being, modesty with doing, with appearing: in fact, it often happens to meet people who are falsely modest, or who minimize their qualities, but not really thinking about it.

Be humble it has nothing to do with minimizing: it means taking responsibility for who you are, certainly committing yourself to improving, where there is margin, but also valuing what you already are and have achieved.

Humility is the starting value that can help you regain perspective and not prioritize personal success over others essential virtues, such as integrity, honesty and service.

The lesson of the blade of grass

Remember the blade of grass lesson by Zero limestone (among other things, the trailer for the new TV series coming out on Netflix entitled This world won’t make me bad)? “Don’t you realize how beautiful it is? That you don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, that you’re just a blade of grass in a meadow? Don’t you feel lighter?», Sarah said to the protagonist. Here, this thought as simple as it is powerful, compels us to be intentional with one’s limited time on this earth ea focus on what really matters. We are what we are, we can be better, as long as we focus on being, in fact.

How to cultivate humility?

Like other virtues, humility can be developed with purposeful and consistent effort. But how to grow it? Doctor Dimitrios Tsatirispsychiatrist, reported in an article published on PsychologyToday 5 points to start from. Here they are.

1. Accept the other’s point of view

The first step is to accept that you have personal biases and blind spots. Inviting others to give you feedback about yourself can help you overcome them. Welcome even the unsolicited with curiosity, try to understand his point of view instead of defending yourself reflexively. If the same opinion or criticism comes from different sources, you’ve probably identified an opportunity for improvement. You will have thus avoided the trap of overconfidence, which clouds judgment and objectively critical decision-making.

To improve yourself, ask the other for feedback, welcome it and internalize it.

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2. Protect yourself from shame

Humility can keep you grounded, it’s an antidote to shame because it embraces your humanity, which is the essence of your worth. He is also protective against individualism: the humble lack a sense of innate entitlement, but feel that they must deserve every conquest. And he knows that to do that, he may need others: that’s why he doesn’t consider himself above anyone else.

Accept your humanity: there are no mistakes, only starting points from which to improve.

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3. Learn from others

No matter your level of education or intelligence, there’s always something new to learn from someone else. The best sources of learning are people who have different educational, socioeconomic, and cultural backgrounds than yours. In diversity lies the opportunity for growth.

Learn from those who are different, for various reasons: in diversity lies the opportunity for growth.

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4. Recognize the merit of others

No one gets what they get or becomes who they are, without someone else’s help. Someone who has helped you, who has supported you, who has encouraged you, who has listened to you and also, why not, criticized constructively. Develop the habit of observing and recognizing how much others are contributing to your growth. And, next step, what they’re doing for the community at large: a co-worker who’s willing to go the extra mile on a team project, the janitor who keeps the workroom clean, the spouse who takes care of the chores family members, when you can’t. Now, express your gratitude to them. It’s good for them, it’s especially good for you.

Give the other the credit for improving your life: it’s good for him or her, it’s good for you.

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4. Look for the result for the right reasons

If you focus your results only on fame and fortune, in the end even if you achieve the desired success, you will probably feel empty and frustrated, because they are superficial measures, which also have the collateral risk of fueling envy. Set yourself goals to achieve with the aim of having a positive impact in the lives of others without asking for anything in return. Cultivate in what you do one spirit of service because it’s the right thing to do, because it adds value to your life and that of others, not because it gives you fame.

Seek the result with a spirit of service, not with the aim of fame.

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5. Learn to apologize

On an interpersonal level, humility strengthens social ties. Humble people know how to recognize and take responsibility and apologize for their mistakes. But they’re heartfelt, high-quality apologies, and therefore extremely effective in reducing conflict and repairing relationships.

Apologizing means acknowledging one’s responsibilities: this repairs relationships.

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More stories from Vanity Fair that might interest you are:

Stefania Andreoli: «Self-esteem and empathy, the combination that helps children build a good sense of self»

How mindfulness practice helps you calm fears and worries

Source: Vanity Fair

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