How to dialogue the internal voices that accompany us (as in the film madly) without the need to silence any

What a magnificent place the human mind, great enough to host more entities, a microcosm of voices, each of which wants to emerge and say his own. Here they are personified in a game of continuous jokes, and an pressing rhythm, in the film Madlythe last of Paolo Genovese, already loved by the general public. If the plot is a simple first meeting between a man and a woman, played by Edoardo Leo And Fogliati pilarwhat hires in the film is the psychological game in both’s heads, perfect proof that that encounter is far from simple.
The film highlights the inner dialogue which takes place in each of us and its impact on choices and behavior. All our decisions, also and above all in the relational field, are never the result of a single inner voice but rather the product of the conflict between different murmurs. In the film, that conflict brings the two protagonists who only wanted to get to know each other to wrap themselves on every detail, committed to listening to those internal personalities who beat with each other.

We analyzed them with all the thoughts that accompany them and that inhabit the mind of each of us, making a place many times where we should be two, is more crowded. A Tête-à-tête dinner thus becomes a choral appointment. We talked about it with Ana Maria Seperelational psychotherapist. «We can see the voices as cognitive schemes, each with its beliefs and above all with its needs to be pursued. Many of the patterns that populate our mind and that mark our inner dialogue, have developed early, influenced by education and past experiences. The movie Madly It highlights how these voices can be in harmony or conflict: our thoughts, in fact, is never a unique and coherent flow! In the film, in the end, the voices also dialogue in a heated but functional way and make you think by putting the protagonists in front of a “cost/benefit” speech ».

We make practical examples of what needs represent the voices of the film …
«Each of them is the symbol of something: of rationality the professor, of romanticism Romeo, of Eros sexuality, of madness Valium. In a more accurate reading, we can see that these cognitive structures do nothing but move by pursuing a need. The need to protect himself of the professor, frightened by what could happen by loosening control. The need to protect himself with Alfa, who with his intransigence would always like to return an impeccable self -image. In reality, both the cognitive structure of Alfa and the professor are moved by a deeper need: that of acceptance. It is a paradox because we should be guided by pure needs, in itself, but learning, beliefs and, ultimately, the bad experiences, make sure that the fears that those needs are not welcomed are guided us. That of control and impeccability are strategic research that we implement when we are afraid of being overwhelmed by events and not being accepted ».

Then there are Romeo and Trilli …
«The protagonists of the film are two other needs that go hand in hand: that of closeness and belonging. These needs move the rumors of Romeo and Trilli who are looking for union and connection. We see that in Lara’s mind romanticism and sexuality merge by embodimenting the cognitive scheme called Trilli, while in Piero there are two distinct voices. This cinematographic choice could be justified by the fact that sexuality, for men and women, due to cultural learning, has different meanings. This does not mean that the woman is never moved by sexual impulses more similar to those of Eros. It only means that due to the social pressures that every woman suffers since childhood, sexuality is more connected to the bond and the sense of union. But as said, these are cognitive schemes learned and not innate. Therefore the speech cannot be ascribed to every man and woman, here we are talking about Piero and Lara. Then there is the individuality of splinter that expresses a strong need for autonomy and as well as Giulietta, both would like to get out of the excessive protection imposed by Alfa. Finally, Valium is the cognitive structure that needs more security and would do anything to get it, even take the turtle structure in order not to be guilty ».

What happens if the inner voices are in constant conflict?
“When it occurs what in psychology is called” traumatic fragmentation “, cognitive schemes slide to each other and lead to the emergence of an intense inner struggle where the person is constantly in war between two or more fragments of themselves who want to pursue diametrically opposite needs. In traumatic fragmentation we witness an inner struggle between needs that seem to be not able to coexist: the need to protect themselves and distance themselves from others will clash with the need for closeness and merger. In this case, a dialogue between the parties is hindered by a wall made of fears. The sides of the Self are very different from the voices that Piero and Lara had in their minds because they do not know how to deal and, in turn, guide the person in his life choices by generating, as can be understood, a strong chaos ».

Make us an example …
“It is the classic case of the person who hires of the pulls and lines with the partner: I am with you, I am fine and I want absolute closeness, except then, the glimpse of the horizon of a threat of separation or a hint of refusal, the defenses are raised and the fragment eager to protect himself, and here is that the person broods and leaves the partner. Yes, it leaves the partner, however, to feel alone with herself, an unsustainable feeling that activates the fragment in need of others. We have detailed the emergence of this heated conflict in the book The world with your eyes. In traumatic fragmentation, an inner dialogue like that seen in the film is almost impossible and it becomes a priority to get help from a professional.

How do you dialogue, as in the film, those inner voices, each of his, to ensure that they find a compromise and do not let us stay in the trauma?
«When we speak of traumatic fragmentation, the dialogue between the parties is hindered by fear and a psychotherapeutic path becomes the main road. Given this, to ensure that the dialogue can occur, we work on the acceptance of the message that each of those parts wants to bring. Accepting does not mean “winning” one part in spite of the other, but giving it what has never had: comfort, listening, safety and consolation. We can learn to take care of our wounded parts so that when they emerge because they are stimulated by a stimulus, they will no longer do so with impetus but in a mitigated way, because they have understood that we no longer ignore them and that therefore they no longer need to be so disruptive and intense to make themselves heard, we feel even at lower intensity! From fragments, these parts will become more functional cognitive schemes, there will be what is called “integration in the self”. But despite the simplification of my explanation is a process that is built day after day. Each healing requires its time ».