Fortunately, something is changing. We are in a historical moment in which the ithe concept of inclusion, of beauty not in a single nuance, but in 50 or rather 50 thousand. The body positivity and the skin positivity, which encourage the acceptance of any size, physical shape, height, color and type of skin, reign on social networks. Imperfection makes you beautiful, in conclusion. And by imperfection we mean everything that is beyond the demarcation of a phantom thin red line of aesthetic perfection, that of the lean and toned body, preferably tall, with white skin and complete with a face with balanced features, big eyes like Candy Candy Brigitte Bardot-style nose, bud lips.
Unreal and boring in its great and obvious beauty. Why it is the alleged “defect” that makes it unique and recognizable the “different trait” to attract and create a magnetic net around him. But it is not easy to be convinced of this and to know how to see yourself in the right way in the mirror. It takes courage, as confirmed by Dr. Paola Pizza, fashion psychologist and author of the blog Psychology of fashion, to be released on 8 March, not surprisingly Women’s Day, with the book entitled The courage to like yourself. We asked her for some tips and advice to boost self-esteem so as to transform what we don’t like into strengths.
Why is it so difficult for many women, above all, to accept themselves in the mirror that they have to find the courage to do so?
«My work as a fashion psychologist made me confront with many different ways of understanding beauty and with the discomfort and malaise of those who do not accept their body and their image, regardless of reality. I realized that this discomfort comes from the wrong way of thinking about ourselves. Many people fail to see the beauty within themselves. They look outside instead of inside. They confront ideal models and perceive themselves as flawed. The fear of not being beautiful enough paralyzes many who see themselves not tall enough, toned, thin, elegant, young, successful. The inadequacy of our body and our image is often in our head. We must then get out of this trap, which is in our thoughts. Become more proactive, more resilient, more courageous and start thinking differently about ourselves. We have to learn to love each other and to accept ourselves for who we are, not just for how we appear ».
How can we do it and, therefore, actually transform the defect we almost blame ourselves into a strength?
«It is necessary to tolerate one’s own fragility. It is precisely the imperfections that make us unique, special and interesting. Diversity is a value. Perfectionism leads us towards unhappiness, while acceptance of ourselves produces well-being. One cannot measure one’s value with the scale, with the meter, with age, or through comparison with unattainable models. Instead, it is from our psyche that we must start to make a beauty project that through clothes, accessories and colors, speaks of our authenticity. More than doing a facelift to our face or body, we have to do it to our ideas. It is in fact the beliefs, the fears, the aesthetic prejudices that must be called into question. It is the body pattern we have built for ourselves that often needs to be changed. We have to find the right distance from the problems: I call it repositioning the zoom. When we focus too much on a single part of our body we end up making it the only element of our value. We need to broaden our gaze and change perspective. Looking at us as a person ».
Can you give us some motivational tips?
“It is our ideas about beauty that need to be called into question. We must learn to re-discuss them as if we were the counterpart’s advocate, looking for evidence, implications and alternatives. When you look in the mirror what do you say to yourself? Does looking at yourself make you happy or does it make you suffer? What makes you uncomfortable? The first step is to be aware of what we think about ourselves. The second step is to understand that these igoddesses do not necessarily correspond to the truth. My advice? Try to re-discuss negative thoughts about your body or image. Set up arguments to them. That’s it? What evidence do I have that this is so? When criticisms come to us from others, it is easier to question them. It is more difficult to do this with self-criticism, even if it is unfounded ».
How and where to find the strength and the courage to like each other in all respects at 20, 30, 40 and over 50?
«It does not depend so much on age, but on the personality and control that people feel they have over their body and image. There are those who cannot get out of the script of their life (“I never liked and never will like me”) and who never change for fear of failure. There are those who know how to look at their beauty in a different way (“it’s time to do something to like me more”). To be happy you need the courage to change and to value yourself. A path of self empowerment is necessary to become protagonists of our relationship with fashion and with everything that can enhance us and make us more beautiful and more attractive. At any age, you can be more authentic, as long as you know yourself as you really are. At any age we can accept ourselves, overcoming the gap between how we are and how we would like to be in order to adapt to real or presumed social pressures ».
Is it easier or more difficult to accept and like oneself, and also to enhance oneself with fashion, with age?
«Some people as they get older accept that they cannot please everyone and learn to wear only what makes them happy and that expresses their authenticity. They also learn to put some distance between their own desires and those of others without fear of being disapproved. But, of course, you age differently also based on your personality, the way you think about yourself and others. Generally people who have always aimed at inner beauty have a better relationship with their body, skills, competences, achievement of objectives. To accept less the changes of the body are the people who have built their identity in relation to their image, and who live badly no longer being looked at and admired for their external beauty ».
In the gallery 10 celebs, da Vanessa Paradis a Carolina Crescentini, da Sarah Jessica Parker ad Ashley Graham a Winnie Harlow, che have managed to transform their uniqueness and alleged flaws into strengths for their splendid career.
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