Infidelity finances, worse than sexual infidelity

Of course, there is that loyalty there, the one for which one’s partner is not expected to go with others, which gives us his exclusivity. In emotional, sexual and financial terms. Because it seems that now one of the critical points of the reports is precisely the transparency in terms of money. Having secrets or lying about one’s possessions – a phenomenon known as “Financial infidelity” (the Americans call it “Credit Card Infidelity») – it can be a reason for breaking up even for the most compatible of couples.

This was declared by the members of the extramarital love affair platform Ashley Madison, who carried out an ad hoc research on the subject. “Beyond the initial romantic bond that unites two people for life, a” good “marriage is still seen as a positive condition for financial stability, or at least in theory: from tax advantages, to savings on health and insurance, to the increasingly frequent possibility of a double income, ready to face the rising costs of child support ”, is written in the report.

And therefore, if you lie about it, it can be a hardly justifiable deception. And, according to the aforementioned research, more than half of the people who cheat (as many as 52%) believe thatfinancial infidelity is as bad or even worse than sexual infidelity.

“Many couples today are facing greater financial pressures and uncertainties, so economic trust is a must,” he says. Christoph Kraemer, Ashley Madison’s Managing Director for Europe, «For most of the people who turn to our platform, marriage is less and less a fairy tale and more and more a pragmatic arrangement, in which aspects such as money play a fundamental role in quality of life in the family. If this kind of trust fails and the lies about the family budget come to the surface, there are inevitable consequences ».

According to an analysis on financial infidelity conducted by the Albini law firm, which operates in family law, 60% of spouses hide money from their partner, lie about their salary or make purchases secretly or in any case have an illegal current account unknown to their spouse.

In fact, the number of couples who divorce or separate due to a “financial infidelity of the partner”, which is experienced as a lack of confidence, a real betrayal that in 12% of cases would lead to separation.

According to Ashley Madison’s investigation, among the most common actions of those who have committed financial infidelity, the 27% hid cash to your spouse; the 33% hid minor purchases; the 10% have a secret checking account.

“For many, personal wealth is something extremely intimate. Their money is experienced as something very private, just like erotic dreams or masturbation. It is precisely for this reason that we tend to hide them»Says the Dr. Marinella Cozzolino, psychologist, clinical sexologist and President of the Italian Clinical Sexology Association, «As they say, money cannot buy happiness but freedom can. In a couple’s relationship, possession of money represents and guarantees freedom, a very delicate subject in the dynamics between spouses. In a relationship there is a tendency to tolerate the other’s freedom very little, as a very free partner, who feels he can count on his own resources, gets out of control. So often the biggest mistake of couples is precisely the control that each shows and develops over the way in which the other spends his money. A mistake absolutely to be avoided. The truth is that the secrecy and freedom of certain expenses is fundamental in adults, it is part of their individuality that in a healthy relationship must be respected, not controlled ».

If one of the two partners hides important financial truths or secretly makes economic decisions that do not benefit the family, the consequences are inviting: 19% are divorced; 15% had to borrow money from relatives / friends; 13% had to cut spending on their children’s education, up to the most extreme cases of severe debt (28%), or loss of all savings (13%) or home (4%).