Irma Testa: “I want to tell you something”

This article is published in issue 48 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until November 30, 2021.

Sul ring, Irma Testa he often stands with his arms at his sides, and waits. In technical jargon this combat tactic is called “wait-and-see”: knowing how to wait is, inside and outside the ropes, its virtue. Experience has taught her that the good moment always comes, in sport and also in life. It happened to her that the first brought the second with him: this summer in Tokyo she won, the first Italian woman in history, an Olympic medal for boxing and, thanks to that victory, she found the desire (not the courage: she always had that one) to tell a piece of truth about herself in this interview. To do coming out.

“The people around me have known this for years, but I think it’s right now to tell everyone. Talking about sexual orientation in the world of sport has a special value, because champions are asked to be perfect. And for many, homosexuality is still an imperfection. For fear of damaging their image, many sportsmen are silent and hide. It was like that for me too until a few months ago. But that Tokyo medal has become my shield: now that the athlete Irma is safe, the female Irma can be sincere. And I do it at a time when exposure has become fundamental. If I have felt protected and safe in recent years it was because of the armor I wear, because of my character: I am a strong woman by nature. But not all of them are like that. There are people who suffer from discrimination, who are bullied, who are unable to build a life because they do not know how to relate to a society that is hostile to them. Every human being should be protected and safe. Or at least protected. Who can protect you if not the state, its institutions, its laws? There are still too many people discriminated against and this is not good. It is no longer good. I can’t do much, but I can, by telling the truth about myself, also say that nothing is wrong. “

What has kept you from doing it up to now?
«I was afraid people would see me compete and think: ‘Ah look, there’s that one like this’, instead of saying: how good she is!».

She says “like that” and doesn’t say “lesbian”. Is there a reason?
“I’m not saying I’m a lesbian because there can also be a man in my future. Since I was a little girl I have been attracted to women, but sometimes I have also felt it to men. The labels must be there: to make things become normal you must first go through the labels. But I don’t use them because I don’t like them. “

Was it hard to hide the truth?
“I happened to talk, even publicly, about the people I loved by changing their gender. And this has given me displeasure. For me, but above all for them who, reading listening to my words, could feel offended, hurt, invisible. On the other hand, I have never hidden the truth from my family. The first time I fell in love with a girl, I waited a little bit to see it wasn’t a flash in the pan, and then I told my mom. I wasn’t even sixteen. ‘

How did your mother take it?
«Naturally. I thought he couldn’t understand, but instead he understood. He told me: if you’re happy, that’s fine with me. I don’t think she thought so from the start – in Torre Annunziata, where she grew up, and I too, the mentality is not open – but I think she has broadened her horizons for my love. And this questioning of yours moves me. After a few years, my sister did too coming out».

How much does boxing have to do with this awareness?
“Very. Because thanks to boxing I got to know the world. And I’ve seen that there are places where no one cares who you like. “

When did you realize boxing was the way?
«I immediately felt the beauty of this sport, right on the skin. When, after a short time, I saw that it would allow me to leave the environment in which I had grown up – which is not my family, but a certain kind of mentality – I worked very hard. I didn’t want to become a champion, I wanted to change my life ».

What, on the other hand, did boxing find in you?
“A lot of cazzimma. At first I was angry, I wanted to make it. Anyone who got between me and the target, I devoured it. I was going straight like a train. It was the determination that brought out the talent ».

What fate would she have had if she stayed?
“I can’t know that, but I can look at my friends who haven’t gone away. Their common destiny is to devote themselves to the family. For me this thing did not go down: I did not have the goal of becoming a mother and wife. I didn’t want to forget that I was an independent person ».

Her mother raised her and her siblings alone. How did you experience this shuffling of cards?
«He always told me: go. I left home when I was 14 to train, but she never worried. She would have been more worried to know me there, with a life like hers. Maybe worse ».

Have you ever felt alone?
«Yes, here in Assisi, where I train, we all live in hotels, in the midst of relationships that we have not chosen. We are together because we play the same sport, but the great thing is that we are all in the same situation, so we talk about it serenely ».

Is there anything you have in common?
“It is said that the strange thing about boxing is that the boxer goes into pain, while in life pain always eludes him. We boxers, therefore, must have something that binds us. Our personal stories, which are all incredible, also tell it. Boxing brings out who you are and your ghosts: when you train at the bag it’s like you punch yourself. “

What is his incredible story?
“Growing up without a father, seeing my mother first, and then my sister, making huge sacrifices. My sister was passionate about boxing before me, but she had to stop to go to work, because at home a salary alone was not enough. It was she who gave me the money for the train to come and train with the national team in Assisi. She never said anything to me, but I still feel very guilty about her. ‘

What relationship do you have now with your father?
“I haven’t talked to him for many years. He texted me, he called me, and I never answered. I’ve been answering his phone lately, but only occasionally. I give him a sop. I do it for him, because, as far as I’m concerned, if I have made it before, I am even more able now to be without a father ».

Are you afraid when you enter the ring?
«The fear is always there, but it is not that of the blows. After years, the feeling of the glove on your face doesn’t scare you anymore. What scares me is losing, going wrong. When you fight, the first opponent is you ».

What do you carry between the ropes?
“If you want to win, you have to bring a lot of bad things. I carry all the effort and sacrifices I have made, but everyone has their own thoughts ».

Do the expectations of others have no place up there?
«Before leaving for a few races I always say: don’t expect anything from me. I also say: I don’t go there for a medal. Of course that’s a lie, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Especially not my teachers: the first, Lucio Zurlo, and the last, Emanuele Renzini, who for me was like and more than a father. When you win a medal you win it for many people ».

Boxing is a very intimate sport. What relationship is created between two opponents who fight?
«With many colleagues we go out, we confide in each other. And then we find ourselves in the ring. It’s all very natural: between the ropes we are opponents, out of friends ».

Do you remember your first defeat?
«I lost against a very talented and beautiful Russian. I lost, but I felt like someone who has witnessed a miracle. It was a defeat that didn’t make me feel bad at all ».

Instead, then, did she sometimes feel bad about it?
“Often. Especially if I lose through my own fault. “

Have you ever thought about quitting after a defeat?
«After the Rio Olympics. I lost to a French girl I had beaten a few months earlier. In the ring she was angry. His eyes told me: you underestimated me and I felt humiliated. She beat me because after that first defeat she went back to the gym and trained every day on the mistakes she made with me. This makes a great champion. I learned it from her. ‘

We are at the end of this important interview. How does she feel?
«Relieved by what I have told, because it is as if I have always wanted to tell, to the people who told me about their stories so similar to mine: I understand you perfectly, I too am like you. But I couldn’t expose myself. Now if anyone wants to share something with me, I can talk and say: I know, I know him, I have tried it ».

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