Jessica Chastain: “Let’s talk about love”

This article is published in number 38 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until 21 September 2021

There are those who believe that marriage is now old fashion, an institution destined to disappear in the next twenty years. But is it really so? “If I had to judge from the 20-year-old children of some of my friends who have been divorced twice, I would tell her they still have the same fantasy”, she replies. Jessica Chastain. “The idea of ​​meeting a soul mate and living forever together is within them, even if they are surrounded by failed examples.

It is the one who tells stories who will have the power to send different messages, to propose a more acute gaze ».

In the last story of which he is the protagonist (Scenes from a wedding, the series that brings back to the screens Ingmar Bergman’s 1973 masterpiece, from 20 September on Sky Atlantic and NOW), Chastain is Mira, a career woman who cheats on her husband Jonathan (Oscar Isaac) and tells him she wants to leave him. It is a harrowing journey into the life of a couple in which, with her performance, the Californian actress proves to have superior emotional and psychological intelligence.

For some it is the young version of Helen Mirren, for others the new Meryl Streep. After her musician father left the family, she – who was three years old – grew up with her mother and beloved grandmother Marilyn. Strong, modern women who have taught her to fight for other women and for equality in general, as for her own dreams. Today she is one of the most respected actresses in Hollywood, with a production company through which she fights for equal pay. He called her Freckle Films to remind herself that freckles, a source of discomfort as a child, mark her
difference and therefore its strength.

Devising strategies to make a relationship work: Do you believe it?
“There are things that can be done, of course. But what really makes the difference (in addition to mutual respect, which is not insignificant) is the ability to evolve together. Sometimes a man and a woman have to change perspective in order to continue to understand and love each other ».

What is love for her? Destiny, luck, a construction over time?
“I believe that our ability to love others, on multiple levels and in multiple directions, is what makes us great people. But there are different types of love. The selfish one, the possessive one and the one in which you don’t love yourself enough. In Scenes from a Wedding, Oscar Isaac and I are two people who reach a peak of lack of love, because we are suffocated by obligations and expectations. The love for the love of wanting to be present in the eyes of the other person is the legacy of constraints imposed by a religious society, and I know I am saying a controversial phrase. Free love,
which has no expectations, it is quite another thing ».

Talking and explaining, when one of the two cheats and wants to leave the other, does not seem to improve the situation.
«Often in couples we stop talking because we do everything to avoid pain. Mira literally disappears, the house becomes a kingdom dominated by her husband, she begins to have a life outside, silences every sensation, desire and passion. He’s afraid he won’t fit the cliché of a good mother and a good wife. ‘

But it is strange, introducing yourself to your husband and saying “I cheated on you, I’m leaving” without giving him time to do anything.
“You should have talked to him much earlier, because you often have to go through the dark to find some truth. If you express yourself early, in time, maybe you can change the course of a couple’s life. But do you know what struck me most? ».

What?
«I have heard some men talking to each other, saying to each other that if their wife left them in the lurch they would never do what Oscar does, that is, hug me, cuddle me, talk to me kindly. They don’t find it credible. A woman who was listening to them turned around and told them: “My husband did it instead. I had an affair, I came home, and when I told him I was leaving for another one we had the most loving conversation of our life. “

Leaving a little daughter to her father, a taboo.
“Many men struggle to endure such a choice. And I find it exciting to try to understand where this emotion comes from, because in my opinion a woman who chooses something for herself also saves her own daughter, who will be a person inspired by a mother who loves her profession, has passion and is good at what it does. A child will want to do the same, even when he grows up ».

Earning more than your husband and having more power than him: where are we?
«It is the photograph of the present moment, I have many friends who earn more than their partners. We are reaching the point where we women are recognized for our incredible mind set, and this also changes things from the point of view of economic recognition ».

Do women also have to adapt to a changing balance?
“There is work to be done on the sense of guilt, on the trap of feeling too masculine when we are successful or dependent on whether this is more or less good for our man. I hope that more and more women will have those who say to them: it’s fine if you keep the family ”.

She married an Italian, can you compare the two styles of marriage, ours and the American one?
“I only know one! I don’t know if there are different styles, I just know that I am very lucky because my husband (the entrepreneur Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo, with whom he has two children born of surrogacy, ed) always wants my successes to be celebrated, and I do the same for him. This is how it should be: relationships in which the partner encourages you to take your place in the world, and celebrates you for who you are ».

Years ago, when we met, she told me she didn’t know if the wedding was going to be for her.
“It has never been more important, while reliability is. And I know what I’m talking about, because I grew up with a single mother. Gian Luca is a gentleman, he comes from an old-fashioned Italian family ».

Which of the two cooks?
«Me, also because I attended a professional cooking school, the Natural Gourmet Institute in New York. I just spent the last two months in Italy, eating all kinds of pasta possible, but my husband does his part: he has a prosecco company (laughs, ed)».

Love passes from the stomach, as they say?
«I think it passes from generosity. If someone is generous with you, they nourish you on several levels: intellectually, spiritually and emotionally ».

Where does your determination to fight for equality come from?
“From all the women who fought before us. There is a collective unconscious that makes us evolve, we are all much more influenced by it than we think. The unbalanced view of power and sexism must be faced with courage, without saying “ah, I didn’t know…”. What is happening in Afghanistan, where women have taken to the streets to defend rights, is devastating to me, as is what is happening in Texas and the rest of the United States. We still don’t want to treat human beings in the same way. “

The movement Black Lives Matter and the battles for women’s rights have always gone hand in hand, but despite the push the system seems hard to change …
“There is a phrase that I really like: lasting changes happen in small steps. If you want something to really change, there doesn’t have to be a sudden movement. And there is another sentence, I no longer remember who, which says: to the privileged, equality seems like discrimination. Change is so difficult because those with privileges are often ignorant, they don’t understand. But we’ve been talking about it for five years and that’s fine, this will bring lasting changes ».

Returning to your work: between you and Oscar Isaac there is a fabulous understanding, how is it built?
“We’ve known each other for half our lives, and when you trust someone a lot, that’s alchemy.” Have you ever had a crush on each other?
“It never happened, not even when we were both students at Juilliard.”

She is one of the few actresses who has said she loves interviews.
«I love to talk about what I do, and so far no one has tormented me about my private life: if this became
the center of the conversation would be a problem ».

Would he defend himself?
«I would be scared, I should be very careful. In short, it would change everything ».

Inside a relationship – Born in Sacramento (California) in 1977, Jessica Chastain is the protagonist of the TV series Scene from a wedding, from September 20 on Sky Atlantic and NOW.
Comparisons – Jessica Chastain and Oscar Isaac (42) in Scenes from a Wedding. The series, presented in world premiere at the Mostra del
Cinema di Venezia, П a remake of Ingmar Bergman’s 1973 masterpiece of the same name.
photo David Roemer

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