Laura Marzadori: “Being a woman, without fear of the judgment of others”

A career at La Scala, a free time used (also) to return positive images and messages to social media. Then, a book. Laura Marzadori, now in the bookstore with The other half of the notes (HarperCollins 2021, pp. 240, € 17.9), he wanted to plan his life so that only one law governed it: freedom, of thought, of action. “It was not a random or painless choice, I worked hard on my inner peace to get to have the awareness of my worth”, says the musician who just 25 years old has become First Violin of the Teatro alla Scala Orchestra, in Milan. “Criticism does not make me feel good, I think it would be almost inhumane to be able to be completely estranged from what the world thinks of us. However, at thirty-two, I am confident in my professional and human abilities. This thing has helped me to reduce the weight of judgment, of the pressures of others ». Laura Marzadori, like every teenager, lived a period (“Years”) in which she suffered in acknowledging the difficulties that pervade the search for a solid and univocal identity. There was the world, looming behind him. Monsters and ghosts of which he wanted to tell The other half of the notes, the story of a musician Tina who is its literary alter ego.

Why write a book halfway between reality and fiction?
“The idea of ​​a novel was partly recommended to me. I didn’t choose to write a book, not really. A proposal was made to me, and I welcomed it with great pleasure because I saw the wonderful opportunity to relive the moments that shaped my future. It was an inner reunion, a new research, but I’m young and writing an autobiography seemed excessive to me. It almost scared me. ‘

So, how much is there of truth about it The other half of the notes?
«The portrait of the family of the protagonist, Tina, is the portrait of my family. Tina’s relationship with music is the same relationship I had. There is so much of me in the book. Even the emotional disturbance of the girl, which later resulted in an eating disorder, is part of me ».

He could have told it on social media, as is often seen. Instead, he first talked about it through a novel. Why?
“There is not a reason. I wanted to tell all this, not to help third parties, but to alleviate the sense of loneliness that is often felt. Eating disorders are not caused by external factors, they come from within: from deep within, from something that is missing or not resolved. It is as if the difficulties of life were a mirror of this discomfort and I wanted to be on the side of young people, the same ones for whom I thought the novel ».

And do you think you have succeeded?
«The reaction of those who follow me was of great surprise. I didn’t disclose anything at the time of writing. Only a few days after its release, I decided to share the news and whoever read the book wrote to tell me how much they appreciated the sincerity I put into it. I am not a writer by profession, I wanted to create a simple and immediate narrative. The fact that my honesty has passed fills me with pride. ‘

Tina, in the novel, has many frailties: small and large insecurities. How many are or have been yours?
“Almost all. Tina finds herself leaving the nest to move to a big city, which is not one, but the collection of many personal memories of mine. There is Bologna, Milan, there are Siena and Rome, in the great city of Tina, and there is a profession – that of the musician – which is very exposed to the judgment of others, to the pressure of those close to us. Tina is full of insecurities, even from the physical side, and the comparison with what she finds in the city leads her to experience reality in a distorted way. She doesn’t like her chubby face, her figure. “

Today, as it is told on social media, it seems to have overcome all its fragility. How do you do it?
“I think certain fears and insecurities never leave you completely. These are things that are constantly being worked on. I suffered from eating disorders between the ages of sixteen and eighteen, a period in which social media was not used. Over time, I have been able to acquire tools that have allowed me to focus on my value. Then, the relationship with the balance is still particular ».

To what extent?
«I do a stressful and exposed job and, often, food ends up becoming a source of consolation. I pay attention to it and, at the same time, I try to feel free to experience my beauty in a unique way even when I weigh more or train less ».

How bad does social criticism do?
«As I said, I came to social networks late, with the awareness and confidence of an adult. However, the immense sadness that haters bring to me remains. I find they are frustrated, deeply insecure people, people who in real life would never have the courage to criticize you. The haters must be fought, but to a large extent they must be ignored ».

Where is the line between what he shows online and what he keeps for himself?
«In the awareness of my institutional role. I allow myself some photos in costume, and I am convinced that a woman should not demean herself or be bound by certain stylistic features, for fear of the judgment of others. However, it is very clear to me that my public position leads me to represent not only myself and my work, but the work of other people. This is my limit, but mine “.

Within the orchestral circuit, has anyone ever criticized your decision to open an Instagram profile between fashion and personal life?
“Yes, but never directly. I’m sorry, because I believe that criticism is as valuable as it brings confrontation. Instead, they have always been moved behind me. I respect the decision of the musician who wants to return a focused and serious image of himself. In the same way, however, I want to be free to live as I believe is best for me ».

When was your passion for fashion born?
“As a young girl, I always liked her. Moving to Milan, then, I decided to open an Instagram profile to share aspects of my life that did not directly refer only to music. I have always thought that my background is little known: people struggle to identify with a classical musician. We rarely show ourselves as well-rounded characters. Most of the time, we introduce ourselves through performance. Instagram gave me the opportunity to make myself known in full, then came the collaborations of the brands. That said, fashion remains a hobby, because music is very popular ».

Why do you think it is so difficult to understand and know the classical world?
«I am convinced that today’s kids are far from classical music, because it is not offered to them. Above all, not at the right time. A teenager already has a mental superstructure so he thinks classical music is old and boring. A three-year-old child, on the other hand, will make no difference between classical and rock ».

Therefore, there is an error upstream, at the institutional level.
“I think so. In Italy, yes. If we think of Germany, Austria, more Nordic countries, we think of elementary schools where classical music is listened to, not because the other music has no value, but because the other music the children will learn to know for themselves. In Germany, knowing how to play an instrument is not something for experts. In the homes of doctors, engineers and workers, in the evening, it happens that you meet with your children to play all together, for fun. As beautiful as it is, I don’t hope it will happen in Italy too, for heaven’s sake. However, I find that music knows how to amplify sensitivity, and it is a wasted opportunity not to introduce children to classical music ».

This consideration would perhaps imply a broader reflection on the relationship that our country has with culture …
«And in the course of this year we have seen everything. I got very angry when we closed in October, because back then there was no unpredictability and lack of knowledge from the previous February. There had been no contagion in the theater ».

So why all this?
«Because culture, in Italy, is not at all considered by those who make political decisions. Countries like Spain reopened their theaters in May and are now 75% of the total capacity. We, today, can fill five hundred seats out of two thousand. Then, I feel privileged, because La Scala has more resources than the small businesses, which have been forced to succumb ».