Laura Santi: “Remember me as a woman who loved life.” His last letter for Vanity Fair

When you read these lines I will no longer be there, because I will have decided to stop suffering.

Although my choice was now known to everyone, This final gesture of mine arrives in silence and will give disappointment and pain. Many will be sorry, others will suffer from not having been able to give me a last farewell, a last hug. I ask you to understand the reason for this silence. Even in the certainty of my decision it is the most total and definitive gesture that a human being can perform, it takes cold blood and steel nerves. How could I live it serenely adding mourning to early mourning, pain in pain, resistance, tears reactions and attachment? I also ask you for an additional understanding of understanding.

Try to imagine what a stress of pain led me to this gesture, day by day, now for now, minute by minute. Make the effort to understand that behind a pretty photo on social media, behind the beautiful smile that you could see just an hour torn from the routine and symptoms on a public opportunity, increasingly rare, behind it was the background of a painful, bare, ferocious and continuous worsening everyday life. A growing suffering day after day. The situation has been evolving for years, then in real time the last months and weeks. My husband Stefano and my assistants have seen it, they and only them and indeed, not even them, necessarily, they could be able to understand what I felt in my body, how bad I felt, how much more and more totalizing effort. Can no longer be the slightest gesture. No longer enjoying life, no longer enjoying social relationships. Which is what a dignified life does for me.

I had a lot of time to elaborate and mature this decision, I had a lot of time to understand when it was really the time. I had that famous parapet, what you have often read about, from which to look out. I also had a lot of time to change my mind and postpone the decision. I allowed myself, in a situation that still held, to savor the last remnants of life and beauty. To greet every corner, every place, every face, every person every situation every sky every color, every tiny walk out. Live every day as if it were the last, it is said. It is also said that it is impossible, in fact. Well, I almost made it. I go by having tasted the last bite of life in a strong and conscious way. You mean: I think any life remains worthy of being lived even in the most extreme conditions. But it is us and only us who have to choose.

To the people who will remain without a greeting as well as my apologies goes a very strong hug. It is impossible to enumerate all the faces that have filled my life. Do that I am greeting and embracing you. My life was full also thanks to you.

My family of origin: Dad Renato, mom Gabriella, my sister Elena, my nephew Matteo; all relatives; Laura, Chiara and the historical friends of a lifetime, all friends, colleagues and acquaintances, the comrades of illness, the companions of activism, all those with whom I shared a piece of the road. My beloved Perugia. My doctors, my palliativists, my physiotherapists, a special thanks to Daniela for giving me the tools to fight over the years. My assistants, my second family in this last stretch. The good politics, Fabio and Vittoria, the friendly journalists, like the two Francesca; who helped me; Bishop Ivan, a special friend with whom I entertained myself in more than a chat about life and death.

I was able to win my battle only thanks to the friends of the Luca Coscioni Association, follow them and follow the rights and freedoms, never as well as the test as today. On the end of life I feel an endless sprol, the chronic interference of the Vatican, the incompetence of politics. The bill that is carrying out the majority is a coup d’état that would cancel all rights. Instead, you demand a good law, which respects the sick and their needs. Exercise your critical spirit, press, organize yourself and do not stay to look, But activate yourself, because one day it could also concern you or your loved ones.

Remove me as a woman who loved life.

Photo Courtesy Guido Harari

Other stories of Vanity Fair that may interest you:

– I Stefano and Multiple Sclerosis: my appeal to Giorgia Meloni

– I Stefano and the multiple chosen, a beauty of beauty

– I Stefano and Multiple Sclerosis: a signature for us and for you

– I Stefano and the multiple sclerosis: the hour of air

–I, Stefano and Multiple Sclerosis: we are also more

-I, Stefano and multiple sclerosis: violated intimacy

-I, Stefano and Multiple Sclerosis: the contagion

-I, Stefano and multiple sclerosis: it was so feeling free …

Photo Courtesy of Guido Harari