Liam Payne, when your teenage idol dies

Liam Payne (31) has died. A phrase that seemed to me surreal read in an IG post last night and it feels even more surreal to write today. I was engaged in a session scrolling superficial when I came across the first news, then the second, then the third and never like this time I hoped I had fallen for fake news. Instead, sadly, it’s all true.

The British singer, former member of One Directionfell from the third floor of a hotel in Buenos Aires. The circumstances are still to be clarified, it is not yet established with certainty whether it was an accident or a voluntary gesture.

I was in bed when I heard the news and I jumped up, putting my hand to my mouth. Then, I went to report the matter to my parents, among the first witnesses of my years as a child Directioner hardened. Dad had also waited for me, among a myriad of people, at the exit of the stadium, after theirs concert. In front of my parents yesterday, there wasn’t a 26 year old woman but that 14 year old girl.

For the first time, the roles were reversed, I was the one talking about having lost an idol of my youth. I thus realized the importance of this tragic event for my generation, a true one turning point.

I then wrote to a friend of mine and the same age, too Directioner but who I met at university, years after the group disbanded, and with whom I went to Harry Styles’ solo concert: «Have you read about Liam? I’m shocked” and she: «Yes, my brother woke me up to tell me, I thought it was a joke, I couldn’t believe it».

We vented a bit with audio to reconstruct the thing and rebuild ourselves for a moment and we said goodnight. Spoiler: it wasn’t a good night. I tossed and turned in bed, amazed at how the death of someone I had never met in person could upset me so much. Then I told myself that I felt this way because it was the closing of a circle, I was saying goodbye to a part of my adolescence that, until that moment, seemed one of the few to have remained intact.

I fell into the arms of Morpheus who, more than cradling me, shook me: my unconscious, as it is very capable of doing, reworked the question by proposing a non-random dream. Guess what? I was backstage at the show One Direction who were already miked, in a circle and united in an embrace, while they were charging each other before entering the stage. At least there, I witnessed the long awaited reunion which, in reality, would no longer be the same thing and would have a too bitter-sweet taste.

Jeff Kravitz

One thing, however, despite the passing decade, has remained the same: be one Directioner makes you still feel part of a community, it was enough to read some comments on the web to understand that this sadness and sense of disorientation were common, just like the old shared euphoria was.

Personally, I was passionate about One Direction on a turbulent afternoon marked by adolescent antics. I had opened YouTube to amuse myself a bit and, among the suggested videos, there was an interview with the quintet. From there, one led to another, same thing for the songs. At the time, my English was quite scholastic but, as I wanted to know more and more about them, it improved exponentially. Perhaps, I owe it above all to Liam and his very fast speech, in fact, to catch all his sentences, I had to concentrate as hard as I could.

Payno, as he was nicknamed, with his angelic voice and curious fear of spoons, his understanding with Louis and his irony, quickly entered the hearts of the fans.

Marc Piasecki

Paul Zimmerman

I have always had a special weakness for my colleague Harry but, when it came to the band, I don’t know how to explain it well in words but, everyone was equally fundamental and special. Like the ingredients for the perfect recipe or the actors from your favorite TV series. And to think that, at the time, Liam had been attributed, by the fandom, the role of father of the group: the older, wiser one, with his head on his shoulders and ready to support others.

Kevin Mazur/Fox

Only later did its fragilities emergesuch as excessive use of substances and alcohol and also its gray areaslike the alleged abuses and betrayals reported by the ex Maya Henry in her book and, recently, also on social media.

The fans were, to say the least, taken aback by this new side of the singer and they tried to elaborate, with difficulty, the idea of ​​this new version of him. Not even the time to do it and now, like a bolt from the blue, we have to deal with the total absence. Could the things that have recently emerged about Liam and the resulting cyberbullying have played a fundamental role in his disappearance?

What is certain is that, his untimely death is yet another stark reminder to everyone, fans and non-fans, of how important it is to preserve mental healthask for help and have people close to you who can lend a hand. Money and fame are not enough and even at 31 you can die, two cold showers, but useful for reviewing our scale of priorities.

Liam leaves behind his son Bear Payne (7 years old) with singer Cheryl Cole.

«And I’ve been thinkin’ about it lately, does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes? Everything that you’ve ever dreamed of disappearing when you wake up. But there’s nothing to be afraid of even when the night changes, It will never change me and you.”