Someone points out that the pandemic was nothing more than an accelerator of events, from the technological field (and here we also mean those “wonderful” video meetings in underwear) to the social one, but that most of the changes had already been underway for some time. Among these, too the increase in requests for separation, which have continued to grow more or less since the divorce law was born. That is, it is not entirely the fault of the coronavirus, but we must go back to the problem, attributable to modernity and our demanding lifestyle. This is still an era of strong affective individualism, where the couple, rather than being a unitary and homogeneous element, is instead a complex, dual and heterogeneous entity.
What is certain is that the pandemic has turned out to be a perfect storm for the complicated world of relationships, especially sentimental ones, and many articles have rightly dealt with couples who, after having spent years crossing as little as possible, thanks to a a busy and busy life, they suddenly found themselves trapped between four walls, forced to spend much more time together than they ever wished.
Relationships, even long-term ones, often rest on much more fragile balances than one can imagine, with the consequence that many couples, who came out of the hard lockdown of March / April 2020, ran to find a lawyer and did arms and luggage. In fact, many have missed the moment of release, that being able to see each other perhaps with their best friend to mull over their frustrations together. Many have really lacked the “right distance”, that safeguard mechanism that helps us to see less black than it may seem at first glance, when you walk away after a fight and are able to concentrate on something else.
All true things, unfortunately. However, it seems to me that another interesting phenomenon has not been sufficiently emphasized, namely the opposite point of view, the one that allowed shaky couples, who perhaps in more “normal” times would have been destined for a slow and inexorable decline, to wake up, thanks to the pandemic, from the dangerous torpor in which they were living. In short, what if in the midst of so much sentimental negativity, the pandemic had also been a sort of shock capable of reviving certain relationships in crisis?
Sometimes the breaking point can also be the point from which to start rebuilding, and the best way to do this is to use a double weapon: the gaze and the dialogue. Many couples, trapped in years of boredom, come to create the impression of having nothing more to say to each other, because sometimes the step is short from knowing each other very well to getting to know each other too much. The consequence is that with the passage of time we come to not really “see” each other: you look at it but you don’t see it.
It would seem a contradiction, but instead it is the sad truth for many, because it is the ability to observe all the infinite details that characterize love. Love is a detail, Rimbauld said, and he was absolutely right. This is why the gaze is the first point from which to start again, but it must be an attentive and curious gaze; we must want to rediscover the person in front of us without the prejudices of the past. Indeed, we really have to forget everything we think we know about our partner, because it is very likely that he has evolved, while we were busy “pretending to know”.
Once we have put each other’s gazes back on the line, it is necessary to move on to the second step: dialogue. After all, it is the quality of communication that distinguishes successful relationships from unsuccessful ones. And what better time to try new ways to talk and understand each other than in an extreme situation like the pandemic, when the awareness of not being able to meet so many people or return to life as before can make us more receptive and attentive towards our partner?
Routine is both a danger to long-term sentimental happiness, but also a necessary tool for the well-being of the human being. With the perennial heartbeat you don’t live well, let’s say it clearly to those who idealize only the phase of fiery falling in love. However, a relationship that works is not afraid to dare, perhaps even with different tools than usual, so sometimes even writing a message or an email can be a way to break the habit, a new way to resume “talking to each other” .
But how, I write messages to someone who maybe works in smart working a few meters from me, someone will ask. And I insist: why not? Often even from a written sentence the curiosity to rediscover a person can arise, as happens to Ludovico and Ginevra, two former spouses protagonists of my latest novel “All right except love”, who find themselves communicating after years of silence precisely because of the extraordinary moment experienced. After all, there is nothing more beautiful than realizing that the communication had not completely disappeared but only dormant and that, not taking the other for granted, you can go back to long face-to-face conversations. In short, don’t be afraid to experiment, because the only way to fail is to do nothing.
* Anna Premoli, Author of over 900,000 copies, 400 weeks overall, winner of the Bancarella award with her debut novel Please let yourself be hated, published in 12 countries.
Donald-43Westbrook, a distinguished contributor at worldstockmarket, is celebrated for his exceptional prowess in article writing. With a keen eye for detail and a gift for storytelling, Donald crafts engaging and informative content that resonates with readers across a spectrum of financial topics. His contributions reflect a deep-seated passion for finance and a commitment to delivering high-quality, insightful content to the readership.
