«It is the winter of 2020, Pandemia breaks out in March and Lockdown arrives. For Emma it is a fortune, he no longer has to go to school and share the space with those guys at all nice. Closed in the house, with the distance -teaching burden, she is forced to deal with itself a lot: you observe, listen, you can see swollen and do not like it. A diet then imposes itself and begins to train in the room. He is only 15 years old, he is in full development: it would be normal to see himself different, His body is going from that of a child to that of a woman, but Emma cannot accept himfeels heavy, a stone thrown into a river. He wants to be light, quick, slip on everything and everyone, to forget looks and pungent words ».
In the book, a real life
This is a passage of A Suspended thread – my war won against anorexia, San Paolo Edizioni, the book written in the third person from Margherita Vaccari21 years old, who tells his personal vicissitudes and his fight against a subtle disease through Emma’s character.
Emma was born in Italy, she lived in Brazil to return to Italy to the threshold of adolescence. He has just used to life in Turin, when for family reasons he must leave everything to move to Germany. Before leaving, however, he changes school, enrolls in an international high school just outside Turin to be ready to study in Germany. At this juncture, Pandemia from Covid-19 breaks out and the young woman begins to have only training and diet in their heads. In a close tour, as we still read in the book “After a few months he gets his so coveted result:” But are you lost? “,” How are you well now “. The judgments are finally positive and Emma feels it is good in something; He cannot fail to think that, despite having always been a good student, none, neither parents nor professors, he ever given her the credits he deserved, giving everything taken for granted. He arrives in Germany is immediately very well with the school, the professors and his companions, with whom he quickly creates a strong bond, but food and training continue to dominate his life and his days. He continues to follow his rigorous diet and his rigid, very long training … at the beginning of the second year, Emma touches the bottom: the group of friends with whom he has so tied begins to crumble. He needs to have something under control, and since he cannot do it with the events that mark his life, transfers, the loss of friendships dear to her, the cities and the school, he decides to control his weight. It seems to her the easiest thing ».
A disease that is not there for Emma
«My mother noticed after years that I was sick of anorexia nervosa: accepting it was really difficult, but when she took full awareness of it at the end of the high school, from Germany she brought me back to Italy to treat me. I who did not understand what I had to cure, even if I had come to weigh less than 40 kg, I was convinced that after the summer I would leave to attend university abroad, “says Margherita directly, who today attends the University in Madrid. “I was hospitalized in a private structure, where, however, I absolutely did not find a team that can manage myself, indeed they isolated me from my affections and in response I started telling everyone that I just wanted to die: my refusal of food was a way to say that I refused to live and for this I tried, albeit not fully aware, to self -destruct: I hid the food during the meals, Sink, I walked all day in the two meters of room and suffered, I suffered a lot. Until to tear me up to death they started to feed me with a tube. After 4 months in this structure I was hospitalized at the Turin hospital ».
Anorexia has an increasingly early debut, with new symptoms that are not always recognizable and events already between 8 and 10 years old. We took stock with a specialist
A new hospitalization
«In the hospital I could finally receive daily visits and every day I had seated with the psychiatrist. I started eating again and they detached me the tube. It seemed that I was better and I was discharged. The return home, however, did not mark for me that positive turning point that we expected: everyone was busy, I had nothing to do, I began to feel a strong sense of solitude and feel useless. To try to dominate these sensations I started to check the only thing I could, or the food and I started again not to eat and throw or hide the supplements. I was hospitalized again in the hospital after two months of resignation, to stop that weight loss that could only take me to death. In the ward they decided to put myself on the waiting list to enter a community in Bologna even if I didn’t want to go to the least, especially because I didn’t feel ready to say goodbye to anorexia that my trusted partner had now become», Margherita reconstructs again.
The community in Bologna
“At the beginning the experience in the community was very fluctuating, but then after almost two months I became aware, surely thanks to the psychotherapy sessions and the team that took over me that due to anorexia I had already thrown more than three years of my life away”.
«The moment always comes when a patient captures that his anorexia in addition to having a protective meaning also has a brutal, cannibal, hegemonic side. That moment is the point of courage that reverses the tendency of a story that stops aiming at death and oriented to healing », he underlines Leonardo Medolicchiopsychiatrist and psychotherapist specialized in the treatment of eating disorders.
And in fact as Margherita \ Emma says again: “After 6 months from the entrance to the community I seriously resumed my existence: the whole team was agreed in resigning and in fact I was able to enroll in the university as I wanted. The eating disorder made me grow a lot as a person but, above all, it allowed me to see life with different eyes, to appreciate every moment and to live every moment ».
The mother’s open heart letter
“I was too severe? Too little? Did I make a mistake to ask you to change their country, school and friends so many times? Even today I have no answers and nobody will ever have them, it is impossible to rewind the film of our life and change direction in front of the crossroads we find ». The mother of Margherita who adds also: «I will always remember the day when your dad has given you an aut aut: either you returned to the hospital (after the first hospitalization) or you found you found a house because in our hospital he did not want me to die for you, writes it. At the moment I thought it had lost the reason, but I think they were the words you needed, because you made yourself hospitalized again and put on the waiting list for a residence where eating disorders are caught. The residence was your salvation, slowly you started living again by fighting with all your strength and here we are ».
The book is precisely the testimony of Margherita’s will to return to life and wants to be a story of hope for those who come across a disorder of eating behavior.
Source: Vanity Fair
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