“If they rape you in a dark alley, suddenly, with a knife to the throat, there is no doubt: you are a victim. But if you’ve heard rape coming, if part of you predicted it, then that’s not rape. It took me decades to get rid of the sense of guilt ». In the early 90s, Maruska Albertazzi, filmmaker, was 15 years old. It was raped by a 52-year-old man, whom she never reported. She explained to us what happened to her, why that abuse remained, for many years, confined to an inaccessible area of her psyche and, above all, why violence does not always happen in the same way and the reactions of the victims can be very different.
Maruska’s father was then seriously ill with cancer, and would die within a month. The mother, tried, was losing weight visibly, ate only coffee, milk and bread. Two desperate and frail parents, who decided to send their daughter to study in the United States to remove her from a context of suffering. Maruska was too young to fly alone: a friend of the family, a wealthy businessman whom the Albertazzi trusted blindly, he offered to accompany her. But already on the plane that man began to invade Maruska’s space, putting a hand on her leg. But she didn’t want to pick up on these signals, she didn’t want to interpret them as abuse.
What happened next?
“He booked only one room in the hotel. He asked me, “It’s not a problem, is it?” What was I supposed to answer? I was 15 and no way out: in the shit I’m in, that’s just some more shit, I told myself. I just tried to limit the damage, to keep him good: he was a big man 1.90 meters tall, and I was a wren ».
What about the day after?
«Before returning to Italy, he left a large sum at the school, for my pocket money. He told the managers to give me $ 100 a week: in those years it was an important amount. For me it was a kind of confirmation of the fact that “I had been paid”, and for him, probably, a way to wash his conscience, played on “let’s pretend nothing happened”. In fact, I acted as if nothing had happened: my strategy was to forget, or to try to do so ».
Have the knots ever come to a head?
“Yes, later on. I confessed to my mother what had happened only five years later. I also told my mom’s best friend, but it was very hard. He replied: “Look how you are, how you dress and how you behave: you are provocative”. That answer dictated my choice not to tell anyone about it anymore: “They will blame you. Discount what you have to pay ”, I said to myself».
And how did you live the following years?
“Not as a victim. I’ve had boyfriends, relationships, orgasms. My brain had made a real dissociation, as my therapist later explained to me: I had put that violence in a box. But the consequences came the same, and in an unexpected way: I always thought I was a bit spoiled, soiled, “used stuff”. And this has conditioned my relationship with men, my perception of myself and of what violence is ».
Why does it happen that the victim is not recognized as such if he does not show affliction?
“I think it’s because people are looking for consistency, they want to make the information match. And then they think: “If you are a victim, you must not allow yourself to free yourself, however improperly, of what you have experienced. Otherwise I don’t believe you anymore ».
Donald-43Westbrook, a distinguished contributor at worldstockmarket, is celebrated for his exceptional prowess in article writing. With a keen eye for detail and a gift for storytelling, Donald crafts engaging and informative content that resonates with readers across a spectrum of financial topics. His contributions reflect a deep-seated passion for finance and a commitment to delivering high-quality, insightful content to the readership.
