Motherhood? It’s not a hole in the resume

“When a dog bites a man it’s not news because it happens often. But if a man bites a dog, that’s news. ‘ It is one of the best-known phrases on journalism, of uncertain attribution, and it is fatally fitting if you think back to a story that some time ago occupied the pages of newspapers: the 27-year-old Federica Granai during an interview with the VoipVoice company said she was pregnant … and was hired. A woman who successfully passes a selection is not a relevant fact, but obviously if that woman is or is about to become a mother the game changes. In fact, in Italy motherhood and work have never gotten along and women have always faced the need to reconcile family and work life: an often impossible mission, for which they pay the price. The pandemic was the coup de grace. According to the Save the Children report, in 2020 in Italy 249 thousand women, of which 96 thousand with minor children, lost their jobs. In the same year, the annual data of the Labor Inspectorate show, there were 42 thousand consensual discharges of parents of children under the age of 3: 77% are mothers.

“From Covid onwards, changes in the work of working mothers have certainly been recorded, both in terms of paid and unpaid work, that is, the care of children and the home”, confirms Dr. Maria Grazia Flore, psychotherapist psychologist, specialist and teacher of Perinatal Psychology and creator of the service Maternity + Work = It can be done, which since 2016 has been providing psychological counseling to women who wish, with the support of a career counselor and counselor. “In my experience, the requests after Covid were more focused on aspects such as the difficulties due to reconciling remote work with children at home, as well as the psychological consequences of layoffs and in general the uncertainty that was perceived with respect to the present and the future. All this has increased some relational difficulties with children and in the couple’s relationship and in particular increased the anxious symptoms, because the prevailing experience was that of not being able to control the situation “.

Pandemic or not, for many women, returning to work after maternity is difficult: it was even before 2020 and continues to be. On the one hand, there are objective impediments, such as the lack of regulatory instruments, corporate welfare and services for children (for example, nursery schools cover only 22% of the real needs of the country). On the other hand, there is the sense of guilt for the choice to take up the career again. “Society places much of the responsibility for raising children on mothers. Over time, women have introjected this so much that they feel somehow wrong if they also aim for fulfillment and job satisfaction “, comments the psychologist. “However, the difficulty in separating from the child also intervenes on the sense of guilt: after having been in a symbiotic relationship for nine months of pregnancy and in a relationship of dependence for the first months of life, it is inevitable that the separation between mother and child is also a source of suffering. However, if a mother is supported, she after a while she finds her balance and serenity of her ». The climate that still hovers around pregnancy in the world of work contributes to drastically worsening the situation, which sometimes leads to discrimination or actual cases of mobbing. “There are various data, such as those of the National Mobbing Observatory, which tell us how many mothers are fired or have been forced to resign after giving birth. These latter problems are very serious, because the woman is confronted with a sense of helplessness. What is not understood by our society is that motherhood does not leverage women’s skills, but, on the contrary, strengthens them », adds Flore. “A social and cultural change is needed. No woman should feel lacking or less at work if she decides to have children. “

In search of a new balance

Going back to work after a child, therefore, can mean getting back into the game completely: out of necessity, because maybe you have been fired, in fact; or by choice, because “motherhood changes the balance of life, needs and priorities, so a new mother can experience the indecision to resume her job or dedicate herself to something that can be more reconciled with the new needs”, she comments Flore. A point, this, also confirmed by Taryn Di Ventura, which he founded in early 2021 A job for muma service that, with the effective motto Motherhood is not a hole in the resume!, offers personalized advice to mothers who wish to return to the world of work or find a professional dimension more compatible with new needs. With a degree from Bocconi and over ten years of career as Trainer and Sales & Marketing Manager at large luxury multinationals, Di Ventura started the business after experiencing firsthand the desire for a job more in harmony with motherhood. (or rather, with the way she wanted to live it) and after realizing that other new mothers also felt the same aspiration, but without many tools to give it body.

The women they turn to A job for mom they strongly feel the need to change jobs, sometimes without even knowing exactly in which direction. “In this case, I offer the possibility of free guidance counseling in which to understand which path can be taken,” explains Di Ventura. With those who already have clear ideas, however, we work «on the analysis of skills, on the revision and optimization of the curriculum and the LinkedIn page and on a simulated interview, if the intention is to change jobs; or on the analysis of the idea, market context and marketing and promotional plan if the desire is to start a business ». Going on your own was a trend that was already widespread before Covid-19 and was accentuated by the pandemic, thanks to the belief that this choice «can solve all the problems of family-work balance. This is not always the case: it takes skills, planning … », continues the expert. «What I notice in my consultancy work, in reality, is in general the desire to be able to do anything that can also include the family-sphere within the work-sphere. In this sense, starting your own business seems to be the solution, but, in my opinion, if there were a business system that meets the needs of mothers, many would not even think about changing jobs “.

Recognize the soft skills of motherhood

The key to approaching the world of work again after a child, Taryn Di Ventura is convinced, is get rid of the idea that motherhood is a disadvantage. «Many companies have started talking about the importance of those personal and relational skills that are acquired at any break in life (such as pregnancy, but not only) and which then come in handy on a professional level. The concept of a break from work, which has always been viewed negatively, is now starting to be conceived in a different way “. Even in a suspension of work due to motherhood, therefore, it is possible to acquire soft skills that one must recognize and know how to value, even on the curriculum: «Empathy is the first of all. Regardless of the type of job and the level, the ability to feel the needs of the other is essential. And then there are stress management, negotiation, listening skills … These are all things that are not given a name but that are put into practice on a daily basis, even at work ».

The first not to think of motherhood as an irremediable hole in the curriculum, however, must be the mothers themselves. «They often feel inadequate, a step behind those who have no children, a burden for the company … It is very difficult to make it clear that we must be the first to know how to value ourselves. A question like “How can I only work in an office with people who are not mothers?” Implies that there is a perceived disadvantage in oneself. Instead we must think of the situation in the opposite way: what is the added value that being a mother can give? First of all you have to answer this question and then know how to communicate it. During the interview, you know, it is the world in which you place yourself that makes the difference ».