To hope to be recognized as legitimate mother of her daughter, Chiara had to, in order: find a lawyer (possibly very aggressive) to change his residence, get an e-mail from Certified Mail, call the Municipality of his city several times to request the new identity document, write about his history of love with what is now his wife Lara, write because he decided to have a child with her, then write how she did it. And this is the beginning.
Because at the moment the process that Chiara will have to follow for become the mother of her daughter also legally in Italy and being able to give her certain guarantees about her future (as well as her surname) is blocked waiting for the change of residence to arrive. That’s why every time the Mother’s Day, like today, May 9th, Chiara experiences a mixture of anger and annoyance that is dissolved only by the chore brought home from school by her little girl. Even if on card it says “To my mom” and they, in fact, are two mothers. A detail for many: daily life for Chiara and all the rainbow mothers who, like her, have no rights in Italy.
“The thing that saddens me most is that first of all it is my daughter who is considered a second-rate child here in her country. And for five years I have been wondering: why?“. The first explanation is in the only law that guarantees some rights to LGBTQ + people in Italy: civil unions, arrived in Italy in 2016 but approved only after the excerpt of the article on stepchild adoption, or the adoption by the non-biological parent of the child, natural or adoptive, of the partner. A possibility that Italy offers to heterosexual couples who have been married for at least three years or who have lived together for at least three years but are married at the time of the request. In the world, there are 28 countries that allow stepchild adoption to gay couples.
“Not having this recognition means, for example, having a proxy to pick up my daughter from school. It also means risking not being able to follow my daughter to the hospital in an emergency, it means living with the awareness of being considered a stranger by Italian law and not my daughter’s mother. If, for example, I wanted to take even just a plane with you, I could have problems ».
Chiara’s list of examples could be very long. “And when we start the stepchild process, we will be monitored by social workers, psychologists that they will eventually have to write a report to decide if it’s really okay for me to be my daughter’s mother. The little girl I wanted more than anything else, traveling between Italy and Spain many times in an attempt to see her grow up inside my wife’s womb. Isn’t this already enough? ‘
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