Mothers who leave their children, their stories

A father who leaves his family and begins a new life is not news: he can, at best, feed a little chatter in the neighborhood. But if mothers do, if they decide to leave without their children, then one of the biggest taboos is broken. While the idea of ​​giving up raising their children is unthinkable for most mothers, there are some who have understood that this is the best decision for them. Three of them told about it in the documentary The Last Taboo by Chloe White.

Maria wanted to be a perfect wife and mother. “I’ve been trying for a long time to fit in, to embody the person I expected you to be, as a mother,” she explained. “But at the same time I felt that there was a whole other part of me pressing for expression. I felt like there was another life beating beneath the surface of my skin. ” Her precarious balance was turned upside down when Maria’s three-year-old daughter Hannah was diagnosed with cancer. The little girl died a year after she died, and Maria has reached breaking point. “Hannah’s death was the moment my life turned upside down. In that deep pain I had no room to think of another person. ” Her marriage ended and Maria decided to leave. “The first night was incredibly painful, but at the same time another part of me felt an incredible sense of relief.” Of course, Maria felt harshly judged as a mother: «I was told that I should have been sterilized, that I should not have had children. But, for the first time in my life, I had the opportunity to understand who I was, without being defined by my marriage or my children. ”

Rebecca she didn’t think about starting a family, but when she fell in love her life took a direction she never planned. “I met a very interesting Estonian man and there was this instant connection: we met very quickly and decided we would be together forever.” He moved from Estonia to London to be with Rebecca: the couple lived in a squat. At 23 she got pregnant. And at first she had seemed fantastic to her. “My body was doing the thing it should have done, it was a really, really exciting time.” To give the baby more stability, Rebecca decided to go back to Estonia and look for a home there. But she soon regretted it. The next day she realized she had made the wrong decision. “I was about to do the scariest thing in my life and I left it all behind. When my son was a week old, I just wanted to go home. I felt like a caged bird. I knew I couldn’t leave. It was like a bad nightmare gone terribly wrong. It is strange for a mother and her little child to be so unhappy. ‘ When her son was nearly two, Rebecca was invited to her brother’s wedding. And she has decided to leave Estonia forever. Without the child: “Simply, I didn’t think I had the strength to take my son with me, take care of him and raise it alone. I’ve never seen it happen in the world before that a mother would leave her child, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it. ‘ Rebecca reflects: “If I were a man, I wouldn’t be here talking about this story. It’s the most normal thing in the world for fathers to do it, but I’ve never met another woman in the world who did it. ” Rebecca maintained contact with her son: «We see each other a couple of times a year. It’s a very physical, very warm, very loving relationship. I’m sure it’s a very different relationship than most mother-child relationships, but it’s beautiful, there’s so much love. “

Nataly she was born in Israel, but has been in America since she was five and was raised by her aunt in a Hasidic Jewish family. “In our community we are encouraged to have children, it’s a bit like the highest level of our existence is becoming wives and mothers. But I didn’t want children. I wanted to be a career woman, a business woman, I didn’t want to have children ». Nataly, however, was forced to marry a man who showed interest in her. Her family reassured her: “Nobody loves their husband when they marry him.” Even though she was not emotionally ready to have children, she Nataly tried to become one: “I had a baby girl and, 12 months later, I had another baby”. And she felt a prisoner: “I’m stuck with a baby in the house, while the other women work, explore the world and travel.” She tried hard not to let anyone know that she was in trouble. “I always tried to have a happy face.” Until the day she couldn’t take it anymore, and she left her son, 4, and her daughter, 6, to their father. “I don’t have to be perfect anymore: now everyone can see how imperfect my life is. I am a mother who left her children. It’s hard to see them so little, but every time I visit them it’s like we’re together again. I have to compartmentalize my brain: there is the mom and then there is the single woman. But there is no one who tells me that I cannot do what I want ».

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