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No man is an island

This article is published in Vanity Fair issue 30-31 on newsstands until August 3, 2021

When I first came back to Utøya after the tragedy, I was on one of the two boats that circled the island, and a butterfly kept flying past us, following our path the whole time. Sometimes Elisabeth leaves us marks».

In 2011, Cathrine Trønnes Lie was 17 and was on the Norwegian island with her one-year-old sister Elisabeth. They were al Norwegian Labor Party Youth summer camp, not so much for political interest, as to be with friends.

Elisabeth already had important dreams: she wanted to study to enter the police department that deals with crimes and murders on an international level. Destiny wanted that in Utøya, the July 22nd of that year, the two sisters found themselves at the center of one of the most heinous crimes in the history of Norway: the terrorist attack by right-wing extremist Anders Behring Breivik.

Shot in the lung and right arm during Breivik’s insane mass shooting, Cathrine is among the survivors of the massacre in which 69 boys lost their lives, including Elisabeth. History collected it in the book Ceiling (Sisters), in collaboration with the Italian-Norwegian writer Mariangela Di Fiore and published on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of the Utøya massacre. Catherine lives in Halden, a couple of hours from Oslo: I have met her with Roxy, her best friend, by her side since they were ten years old. On the right arm they both have the word “promise” tattooed, to reaffirm the commitment to always stay together. Whatever happens. “Mariangela contacted me 8 months after the Utøya massacre, with the idea of ​​writing a book,” says Cathrine. “It took all this time to finish it because at that moment I was so depressed that it seemed to me that I had nothing valid to add to the facts. We put it aside for years, then last summer a publisher proposed that we publish it for the tenth anniversary: ​​the right time had come to start writing it again ».

What do you remember of that fateful day?
“When the news of the attacker’s first attack in Oslo spread, we all got together. Many were worried about their family members in the capital. Elisabeth and I called our cousins ​​who live there and made sure they were okay. I then decided to go back to the tent and as I walked I saw Elisabeth from the window of the main cafeteria, where the Memorial stands today. She was standing, staring at her cell phone, looking thoughtful. I waved at her to ask if she was okay. She showed me her thumb up and I reassured myself. This is the last image I have of her. I heard the first shots from the tent. I went out and they were getting closer and closer. I saw a man dressed in black in front of the coffee shop. I was with others about fifteen meters away and I saw him point a gun at a boy at the entrance. He fired. Then he turned and pointed the gun at our group. We started running towards the forest, to reach the cliffs, I tried to hide in one of the crevices in the rocks but there were already too many people. I heard the shots approaching, I was alone, barefoot, walking in the mud because that day it was raining and the cliff was steep. I slipped down and was hit from above. I felt a strong burning sensation in my back and started panting desperately because I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to shout at everyone how much I loved my family, instead I passed out. I woke up with no idea how long it had been and that was when I was hit again, in the right arm. I stayed on the ground, bleeding and was afraid of dying, but I tried to focus on things of little importance like water in my ear or the non-stop song in my head. I could hear shots in the distance, then close again. I remained motionless with a boy beside me who helped me stay awake for two hours, until help arrived ».

What happened to Elisabeth?
“In the first few days in the hospital we hoped that Elisabeth was still alive, she wasn’t among the patients. We were told she was dead after seven days, when the bodies were identified. We learned how it had happened during the trial: she was hit twice in the head and once in the shoulder. His cell phone was also hit, just as he was on the phone with our father. She was the last Utøya victim to be buried a month later. With my mother
we had in fact decided to wait, so that I had recovered enough to be able to attend the funeral ».

What do you remember about the hospital?
“I was in intensive care for four days and had seven surgeries. I had permanent damage to a nerve in my right arm, not my lung, fortunately. Today I can do almost everything, but I had to go through a long rehabilitation. Even knowing of Elisabeth’s death, I felt like I was living in a bubble, isolated from everything: I was so taken by my wounds that I couldn’t think of anything else. I had recurring nightmares and the day I got home from the hospital I had a very bad one. I woke up suddenly thinking my mother was dead. It was at that moment that I really realized what had happened and that Elisabeth was no longer with us. It took time to get over the trauma. I slept during the day and went out at night with friends to distract myself.
I went back to school. I was constantly thinking catastrophic. For some time even the loud noises took me back each time to that terrible day ».

How did your family cope with grief?
“Everyone did it differently. My mother in particular has been through very difficult times. My sister Victoria was only 8 years old at the time, it was not easy for her to understand what was going on. Our suffering has deprived her of attention and this has greatly affected the years of her growth. Personally, I chose to go and live alone after 18: it was difficult to stay at home while we were all in mourning. “

Will he return to the island for the tenth anniversary of the tragedy?
“I come back almost every year for the anniversary and again I will go with Roxy, my sister Victoria and my father. For my mother it is still too painful.
The most difficult moment was going back the first time, after they demolished the café where Elisabeth died: for me she is still there. I also go back to the place where I was hit, a painful memory but also a victory, because I did it. When I was there, between life and death, I prayed to God. I think everyone needs to believe in something greater in some decisive moments of life ».

What are you doing today?
«I work in a center frequented by young people between 13 and 18 years old. We do everything we can to keep them off the road: we cook for them, we play games, we listen to their concerns. In the future, I would like to continue sharing my story and talking about mental health: I have worked hard on myself, I have been on the verge of giving up many times, but I have found something that has helped me and now I wish I could be that “something” for those who need it. I have always imprinted in my mind the phrase written by a girl on Twitter after the tragedy: “If one man can feel so much hate, imagine how much love we can generate if
let’s stay united ”».

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