Parents in crisis? The first self-help podcast arrives

Why don’t you listen to me? Why does he always do what he wants? There is no parent in the world who has not happened to ask these questions in the throes of total despair or a fit of anger.

But don’t panic, after the many self-help manuals, today in help from moms and dads even a podcast.

The project, produced by Spotify in collaboration with Show Reel Agency, it is called “Responsible education” and is signed by the counselor note There Beltrame, former author of parent-friendly survival manuals, including “Instead of saying … Try saying” published by Mondadori.

Objective of bets of the podcast, which will be published biweekly, is to provide parents effective strategies for surviving childhood and adolescence of their children. Between issues addressed, all the great cornerstones of life with children and teenagers: from straight to be heard to those for establish realistic rules, give tips for become an authoritative parent to those for face the period of bad words, between ready-to-use tips e persuasive mantras to be inspired by or to keep in mind in times of emergency.

Password: abandon the unrealistic and deleterious need to feel ourselves perfect parents, re-evaluating our being authentic. As the same told us There Beltrame in this interview.

Alli, how did the idea of ​​a parenting podcast come about?

«The idea comes from what it is today a requirement of many parents, or to be informed about the most recent discoveries in the field of communication and neuroscience. In fact, being up-to-date can really make the difference between a peaceful family life and one, on the contrary, full of conflicts. The podcast also seems like the best formula and more consistent at the moment: if on the one hand being always connected unfortunately forces us to multitask, on the other it allows us to have access to information that would otherwise be difficult to find. With a podcast you just need to put on your headphones and you can take advantage of any time of day to listen to what you want and to stay informed ».

What do you mean by responsible education?

«Let’s start from the concept of responsibility what does it mean “Respond with skill”. Here I think that responsible education is one that does not use automatic responses, often dictated by tiredness or by lack of knowledge of what are the physiological behaviors of children. Responsibility means being able to find conscious answers that are not mortifying for children. To do this it is necessary to be informed, lucid and strategic. Know that i behaviors that leave us stunned of our children are actually part of a growth path, change the perspective. If you know what it depends on, you are more lucid and available and can put a strategy into practice. In fact, my motto is: never leave a parent uncovered by realistic strategies. It’s not about recipes, of course, so sometimes these strategies work and sometimes they don’t, but they still allow us to train effective communication».

Based on your experience, what are the mistakes parents make most often that hinder effective communication with children?

“Certainly the way we parents make requests, that is, with the classic rhetorical questions of the type “So, do you want to put on your jacket?” instead of simply saying “Put on your jacket”. If we ask a question, the child may feel free to answer. Another typical mistake is always speak negatively with the famous “This is not done” The “This is not said”. In this way we in fact end up bring attention to the action we don’t want to do. Let’s say “Do not rush” when maybe the child didn’t even think about it but on a neurological level the image of running takes over and he runs even if we told him not to. Instead of always saying what they shouldn’t do, therefore, better take responsibility for being authoritative guides and tell the child what we want him to do. Today we have understood that we can be different parents but we have no examples, we are confused and therefore it does not occur to us that we can simply give very clear and very firm indications even though remaining loving».

Today parents are much more attentive to educational issues, they ask many questions, they consult with experts. Do we not run the risk of wanting to be performing and always perfect parents at all costs?

“What we need to understand is that the perfect parent does not exist. The goal must always be the relationship with our children and never the performance. What I always try to convey in my courses, as in the podcast, is the idea of ​​normality: it is normal for children to lose patience and to be self-centered and in the same way it is normal for us parents to lose our temper, we do not know what to do and we feel inadequate. What, however, must always be put back at the center is the relationship. Starting with a simple question: what is more important, the relationship with my child or good education? Sometimes this is enough to frame the situation from the right perspective ».

In this historical period, parents experience an even greater difficulty, between school closures, limitations and DAD, situations in which the risk of losing your temper is really around the corner. What advice do you feel like giving?

“If before the western world was not kids-friendly, family-friendly nor mum-friendly, now we are even more at the mercy of a system that leaves us alone. I am not saying that this can authorize us to lose our temper because we must always avoid reaching the breaking point, but if we get there we must not be frightened: we are human and we are showing our children that humanity also means losing your temper and saying things you didn’t want to say. The important thing is then, calmly, to pick up the subject and explain how we felt and what we felt. The perfect parent does not exist but even if it did exist it would be deleterious because it would offer children an unattainable image. Better then to be authentic, because a genuine parent, no matter how many mistakes he may make, will always hold that strong thread with their children».

Always conclude your courses with food for thought. What is the mantra that you feel you suggest to parents today to set up a conscious relationship?

“Energy goes where there is attention”. We hardly ever think about it but if we keep shifting attention to what’s wrong, the children will continue to put energy into those behaviors. “

A question that many of your followers ask themselves: are you a professional but also a mother of three … but you always manage to stay calm and put into practice the principles of responsible education?

“Of course not! I too get angry and not only every now and then! ».

A voice off-screen confirms: “It’s true, mom: you get angry too!”

And then we can all breathe a sigh of relief: perfect mothers do not exist. There is always time to improve ourselves. Maybe even with a podcast.