Prejudice is still a barrier in relationships for people living with HIV

12 years ago, business administrator Lucian Ambros, 34, discovered the diagnosis of HIV after a casual relationship.

At the time, the knowledge he had about the virus and the infection was limited and still associated with the common sense of promiscuity or drug use. He says that the lack of adequate psychological support and the fear of exposing his own serology kept him away from the treatment.

The fact of being seen seeking or taking the antiretroviral drugs that control the infection generated anxiety.

“I saw people saying that I had a lot of side effects and I was afraid of that and also that someone would see that I was looking for medication or taking medication. This all ended up impacting my treatment, I spent four to five years without treatment and I ended up having tuberculosis after I started the treatment”, he told CNN 🇧🇷

Lucian says that he started treatment in 2014 and that he has been living with the virus for 8 years and with an undetectable viral load. Viral load is the amount of virus present in a person’s blood – that is, the more copies the virus produces during the infection, the greater the viral load in the body.

HIV treatment is carried out using antiretroviral drugs, which precisely prevent the process of viral replication in the human body. By blocking the production of new copies of the virus, the drugs act to reduce the viral load in the blood – a fundamental step in improving quality of life.

Undetectable = Untransmittable (I = I)

People living with HIV in treatment and with an undetectable viral load for at least six months do not transmit the virus sexually. The term Undetectable = Untransmissible (I = I) is adopted by leading scientists and institutions on HIV worldwide.

Despite this, people living with HIV report difficulties in relating emotionally. Prejudice and misinformation contribute to making relationship opportunities more difficult, according to Lucian.

“During all these years, it was very difficult to relate to people after the HIV diagnosis. I even had small relationships, but some became abusive, others ran away when I told them about my serology. So that ended up closing me off a little bit with regards to relating to other people,” she says.

Twelve years after his diagnosis, Lucian found someone to share the joys of a life together. For six months, he has been dating pharmacist Pedro Cartezani, 38.

THE CNN , Cartezani says he has a family history of HIV, an uncle, now deceased. “I don’t live with HIV, but it was always something that accompanied me, including fears, apprehensions and insecurity and getting involved with someone who could have the virus”, he says.

He reports that the subject of serology was addressed by his partner in the first meeting and that, realizing the gaps in knowledge, Lucian offered him information and to read a book of his own authorship “Almost complete guide on living with HIV”.

“Through conversations and reading your book, I realized that it is possible to have a relationship, the couple being serodifferent”, he says.

My advice to all people, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, is that the presence of some detail in the life of another is only a detail when you have knowledge, companionship and love

Pedro Cartezani

Importance of dialogue

Advances in HIV treatment are significant and allow for an increase in quality of life. However, the social perspective on the virus does not keep pace with scientific evolution, in the opinion of infectologist Mirian Dal Ben, from Hospital Sírio-Libanês, in São Paulo.

“The medication has very few side effects, today we consider HIV to be a chronic disease if the patient adheres to the treatment. If, on the one hand, today we have this treatment option that the person has a normal quality of life and survival, on the other hand we still have a lot of stigma, ”he says.

Diagnosed with HIV in 2017, psychologist Guilherme Lima, 29, from Rio de Janeiro, says that talking about the subject with other people has brought greater security and quality of life.

“By the time I found out about HIV, I knew the basics,” he tells CNN 🇧🇷 “The concern I had was precisely to know what the dynamics and the experience were like, including through the experience of other people. I resorted to the internet for this, YouTube, videos and that even helped me a lot”.

He says that he received support from health professionals at the family clinic where he received the diagnosis and that he started treatment immediately. “The affective life of those living with HIV, in fact, is a huge challenge. Living with the virus on the clinical spectrum is pretty smooth,” he says.

The disclosure of the serology in this type of context is the most delicate and complex aspect because of which several impasses arise: to tell or not, how to tell, when to tell, how the other person’s reaction will be, how I myself can react to this reaction, so there are many variables that make this naturally difficult

Guilherme Lima

Guilherme claims that over time he used different methods in relationships.

“It has happened that I told at the beginning, that I waited a bit, that I didn’t tell. For me, it was an exhausting aspect, because telling it ends up being an investment, at least for me it was in that sense. I counted when I saw a prospect of greater involvement, ”she reports.

Today, the psychologist openly discusses living with HIV on his Instagram profile and on TikTok.

“One of the factors that made me open my serology on social media, publicly, was also that. It’s a count so you don’t have to count. I have already started to leave this information in plain sight. So, the people who approached me already came with this information. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done,” he says.

Guilherme lives in a serodifferent relationship and says that HIV has become a common subject, of daily conversations.

“Since I live undetected, we agreed on a dialogue to be sexually involved without a condom, since there is no risk of transmission, so everything was talked about and done with conscience”, he says.

“Dialogue is fundamental, I understand that many couples also experience impasses around this. Conversation is an important key so that anxieties and fears are put on the table and can be resolved and managed in the best possible way”, he concludes.