Relationships: the mistakes not to make on Whatsapp explained by the couple expert

You know, women come from Venus, men from Mars: we are different worlds and what distances us the most is precisely the one that should bring us closer: communication. Paradoxically, precisely in an era in which there is a lot of communication, technology, especially digital, has complicated relationships instead of simplifying them. We talk about it with Ombretta Cecchini, psychotherapist analyst and sexologist who every day on Instagram answers the most frequent questions regarding difficult relationships perhaps precisely because of social networks, chats and messaging.

Tips are pills live that Dr. Cecchini placed on her account, each lasting one, two minutes at most. And that they are very useful. For example, the ‘tips’ on Whatsapp messages, a cross and a delight for every couple.

Doctor, what are the mistakes you shouldn’t make online at the beginning of a relationship?

«The first ever is the emotional investment women make on messages, making the reasoning “if he answers me it means that he cares if he doesn’t answer me it means that he is not interested “. ” An affective meaning is therefore attributed to the message itself, while the reality is often very different: because “a man can care a lot about you and not feel the need to write to you”.

Situations such as “displays but does not respond “ or even worse: he / she is online but not writing to us: so how can we not be anxious while waiting for an answer?

“Simply stop checking the phone every five minutes and shift attention to what we are doing: when we focus on something else, we do not remain in a waiting state and consequently we will no longer give the message a value sentimental and will feel much less hurt ».

How to settle for the bed sheet posts, that is i mileage messages?

“Generally, if a woman sends a four-screen message to a man, that message will not be read, or if the recipient reads it, they will only perceive the beginning and the end. And worse, he won’t understand its meaning. The advice? Send short, concise messages and above all making sure that the concept you want to give is clear and unequivocal “.

And with voice messages?

“If you are not familiar with the other person, it is better not to use them at all, because the voice messages cannot be heard everywhere (the audio can be heard) and then because they can be experienced as an invasion of one’s privacy: who will receive a vowel will in any case feel compelled to listen to it sooner or later ».

Is there an aspect to take care of, in particular?

“Clarity. Before sending a message, you should always think carefully about what do you mean: if you want to ask a question, ask it directly and above all do not give the answer yourself in the same sentence, such as “I avoid asking you to go out with me because I know you don’t want to “, perhaps expecting the other to answer “no it’s not true, it’s not like that “. This type of message is really disheartening and the man will tend not to respond, if instead he answers no to the direct request to speak and see each other, remember that he is not saying no to you, but to that particular proposal at that precise moment ».

How not to panic though the message of the day “after” does not arrive?

«Here also the ancestral fears of the woman have to do with it, who after a relationship was looking for a father for her child and protection, therefore a stability of the couple. Today, fortunately, this is no longer the case: so let’s move on! But, to give a practical suggestion, again let’s not wait and mentally find another focus, keep in mind that for many men it is perfectly natural not to send a message the following day. ‘

Finally, the doctor recommends: don’t be pushy, do not send messages like “but why don’t you call me “. He needs to mark his boundaries (maybe he will write after three days), and then we also avoid being aggressive in the insistence.

In short, to give a solution that works always and in any case, the doctor recommends “try to be balanced, being able to be strong and mentally structured, and not having the so-called syndrome of outraged goddess (But how is it possible that he doesn’t like me!) “. In short, we accept that we cannot always please everyone and we will live interpersonal relationships more serenely, perhaps more real and less virtual (if you want you can still deepen the themes of relationship management, and how to avoid falling into the traps of complex personalities, by reading Sixth Sense, written by the sexologist and published by Alise editions).

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