Revenge porn, the story of the victim in Cinisello Balsamo

Cinisello Balsamo, Milan's hinterland, dozens of flyers hanging everywhere. It happens for weeks. On the sheets there are photos of a woman, her name, her contact details, the place where she works and endless insults. The photos are intimate, taken from videos that will turn out to have been shot secretly. The victim of this form of revenge porn she is a 40-year-old mother who told the Corriere della Sera what happened to her because of her ex who was sentenced by the Monza Prosecutor's Office to the electronic bracelet and the obligation to sign.

«I'll make a premise, I want to make it clear: I don't want to attack the police forces, specifically the Carabinieri to whom since November, when this terror began, I have submitted about ten complaints. I met empathetic staff, but they don't have the means, they don't have enough patrols. Or rather, the times of justice, for us ordinary citizens, are long. Too long. If I saved myself from a worse, tragic epilogue – anything could have happened, perhaps it would have happened – it's because I hired an investigator.”

And she explains: «I am an employee, I earn 1,600 euros and I spent three thousand on a private detective; I have a mortgage, young children, I'm separated, money doesn't fall from the sky, I added yet another loan to the many and I paid the investigator. I had hired him by the hour, he would wait outside my house for that man to arrive… I was lucky, he caught him while he was distributing the leaflets… He had also placed them in front of my little ones' schools… By now I had gotten into the habit, before waking them up, of walking around Cinisello, seeing if those damned papers were there and making them disappear… For a while they had disappeared: but it was raining, as soon as he put them on the ground they became illegible, and he had desisted. A few days, however: he had taken to putting them in cling film so that they didn't get wet… he stayed there, in his car, fell asleep waiting for one in the morning, two in the morning, to distribute the sheets … “.

The woman had been in a nine-month relationship with the man. «We had met through a group of divorced women and men… He seemed like a calm, polite person, in fact he was, perhaps even too polite, he never got upset at all… Then he started to get ideas… He wanted an even more serious relationship, in short, a relationship forever… But I'm forty years old, I've just come back from a separation, I have children, let's not rush… Apart from that I discovered that, while he was persecuting me, he had started an affair with another woman. But that's not the issue.”

The protection was not timely. «It was obvious that he was the stalker, but no magistrate authorized wiretaps or a search to analyze his cell phone: nothing would have been enough and they would have blocked him. I'm a strong woman, at least I think of myself as such, but now I have panic attacks. Violent, with a frightening impact. I almost necessarily changed my relationships with my children, my attention and affection, because I was a prisoner of that man; and in the same way I significantly lowered my concentration on work: I was afraid of finding it on the subway, on the street, at the bar where I drink coffee, in the office… To tell the truth, the fear hasn't gone away: who can guarantee me who really stopped? He knows my places — every single place — and I certainly can't move house. Where? With what money? What if he also tracked down the new address? I would leave, suddenly, yes: I receive phone calls from men who think I'm a prostitute and ask how much it costs.”

His advice is to report. «The initial move was anonymous phone calls. Day, evening, night. Then she wrecked my car. Then the cards. She found my parents' address and left a note on their doormat. And in the meantime I declared, denounced, denounced… But to obtain what? I had looked for cameras to place near the gate, but beyond home cameras, which run for three hours with wifi, what could I do? The usual money problem. My complaints… They were in the Prosecutor's Office, they piled up, I had to pay a lawyer, eight hundred euros, to ask them to take a look… And we are always here inviting women to report… I also recommend it me: report it. Right away. But protect yourself by hiring an investigator. If you have the money: otherwise trust in heaven, not in our slow, very slow justice.”