Roommates: 6 common types and the practical survival guide

If it is true that friends are the family you choose, in which category do roommates go?

Thinking about it, the roommates are nothing more than complete strangers with whom, from one day to the next, we find ourselves sharing an apartment, with all the joys and pains that follow: we argue about who should throw the garbage, we organize dinners and parties, you queue up to use the bathroom in the morning and show yourself shamelessly in the worst conditions, with the mask spread on your face, the turban on your head and the fleece pajamas tucked into your socks. In short, the roommates are not our blood family, but they are not even part of the chosen one. We don’t choose them, but they happen to us by chance. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s not.

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I lost count of the roommates I changed over my college years and I want to be honest with you: 10/10 would not recommend. It is said that what does not kill strengthens. I don’t know if that’s true, but this experience has certainly taught me a lot. For example, he encouraged me to look for my own apartment as soon as I had the opportunity, to finally be able to enjoy the sole company of my plants and my inner demons, who do not stand out for sympathy but at least do not leave their hair in the shower .

By dint of changing roommates, I have also become very good at recognizing and cataloging them.

1- The roommate who would horrify even the NAS. The roommate who does not clean is a plague that has been affecting the homes of non-resident students since the dawn of time, and legend has it that it is impossible to eradicate. With this type of roommate I have tried them all: I asked him politely, I left him mining tickets stuck to the fridge, I pulled out the best passive-aggressive attitude I am capable of, I started screaming, I almost begged him. There was nothing to be done. In the end, I had to wash the dishes myself. I mean, if in the roommate lottery you won the one that doesn’t clean, well … I hope at least you’re lucky in love.

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2- The roommate talking on the phone. At full volume. All day. Is there anything else to add? I think no. If you have one, buy the caps. And good luck.

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3- The roommate who faces his exams with serenity. Yes, sure, right. To recognize this type of roommate you have to wait for the session to approach, when the first irrefutable signs appear. Suddenly he forbids all forms of entertainment at home and stops going out. No, he doesn’t have time for a quick aperitif, “Can’t you see I’m studying?”. During the day he wanders the corridor with the book under his arm and the corpse complexion, at night he drinks coffee after coffee to stay awake. The morning of the exam you find him in the kitchen staring blankly into space, close to throwing up on himself with anxiety. Try not to get sucked into his whirlwind of anguish and despair, and be kind to him. It will pass. At least until the next appeal.

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4- The roommate who thinks that toilet paper reproduces itself and that food appears in the fridge by magic. That is the roommate who finishes all the things you buy, but then never buy them back. Even the Dalai Lama would dance the eyelid in cases like this.

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5- The roommate you don’t see, but is there. In every house there is one, but no one can describe it, for the simple fact that he never leaves his room. He eats? Does he pee? Are you going to class? We are not given to know. Basically a legendary Pokémon.

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6- The roommate who wants to teach you to live. Of all the misfortunes that can happen to you when you are an out-of-town student, the roommate who thinks he is doing you a favor by teaching you life lessons is probably the worst. At the table he points out that it would be better to eat less pasta and more vegetables. When on Sunday morning you sit on the couch in full hangover with the only desire to die, he looks at you with an expression of reproach and tells you that you should learn to regulate yourself with alcohol. It tells you what the best study method is and even how to fold the sheets. And you, punctually, you just want to scream in his face: but who asked you?

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Of course, you may also be lucky and only find nice and friendly roommates. But here’s another thing I’ve learned the hard way: If you don’t have a shitty roommate, you are the shitty roommate.