A Brazilian influencer who lives in Los Angeles recently shared a video on the social network TikTok in which she responded to a comment from a follower who criticized her for “exposing other people’s children” in the videos she posted on social media. He said that Tiane was the nanny of the child on her lap and not the biological mother.
In the video, Tiane responds naturally that the baby she was holding was, in fact, her daughter, the result of her marriage with her husband, Bryan.
“Just because I’m black and she’s white doesn’t mean she didn’t leave me,” said the influencer.
Tiane’s story is not unique. After the video was published on another social network, several Twitter users told in the comments episodes of discrimination that they were targeted just because they had a different skin tone than their mother or father, and vice versa.
In one of these episodes, a person who was on the street and told the police about a black woman who was walking along the street, accompanied by a white child, so that the situation could be investigated.
Ena Miller told her story in an interview with the BBC in 2021, a year after the birth of her daughter, Bonnie. The case is similar to Tiane’s, as her daughter is also the result of her marriage to her husband, a white man.
“My daughter has been judged by her skin tone from the day she was born,” he said.
“After spending a day and night in intensive care, Bonnie was back in my arms just a few hours ago when a woman looked out the door. [do quarto do hospital] to ask if I wanted to have breakfast. Before I could answer, she asked, ‘Is this your baby?’ I was expecting a compliment, (…) but instead she just repeated, ‘Is this really your baby?’” she recalled of the pejorative tone of the question.
Ena remembers that day as the beginning of the life she began to lead.
“Strangers who feel free to question whether they were really Bonnie’s mother or comment on her skin tone”
Sociologist Nuno Nunes, from the Center for Research and Studies in Sociology (CIES-ISCTE), told CNN that these situations are the result of society not having “completely” eliminated prejudice.
“It is almost impossible not to have daily manifestations of prejudice, in one way or another. Most of the time they are even involuntary, not even conscious,” she says.
Sometimes, it may also be due to ignorance that it is possible for a black woman to have a white child and vice versa.
The explanation lies in the “gene pool”, he tells the CNN Marta Amorim, specialist in Medical Genetics, referring to the concept that characterizes the sum of all genes present in a given family.
The expert explains that “the production of melanin is controlled by several genes”. What is called a “polygenic inheritance”, in which “some genes dominate others”.
In multicultural families, where the gene pool is “loose”, there is a mixture of different genes, which “may even be masked and not manifest”. Therefore, this is an unpredictable process, points out the expert.
“The variability allowed in harmony with each parent’s gene pool is truly great.”
“And then there is a palette of possible colors, because there are actually many genes that contribute to the production of melanin and the way they are manifested can be very different”, he says, remembering that everything depends on the dominant gene.
A life isolated from society and one’s own family
Despite the biological explanation, the truth is that families with these characteristics feel isolated in a society that is not tolerant of differences.
The derogatory comments, criticism and, sometimes, more serious accusations (such as some reports of black women accused of kidnapping the child just because she was white) affect not only the parents, but also the children themselves.
Margarida Mendes, a psychologist at Hospital Lusíadas, highlights the “ambience of mistrust” that the birth of a child with a different skin tone generates in the couple and in the family itself.
“The first thought is always ‘there was betrayal‘”, says the expert.
In these situations, he adds, the child “is not always accepted by the family itself, even by the mothers”, and may develop depression, suffer from low self-esteem and isolate themselves even from their parents.
It is also important to be attentive to other family members, such as siblings, says the psychologist.
“Often, siblings end up being bullied at school because their classmates also make fun of them for having a different sibling. It is very important to work with the other children in the family who may not be prepared to deal with these issues”, emphasizes Margarida.
The specialist gives advice to parents in these situations: they should wait for the child’s initiative to clarify their doubts.
“Children are extremely attentive and at some point they will ask ‘why am I so different?‘. This is the time to explain why she has a different skin tone, show her family photos, for example. Of course, we always have to adapt the speech to the child’s age, it’s not worth explaining things that the child is not yet ready to understand”, he emphasizes.
“Above all, there has to be a job on the part of the parents”, says Margarida about what families should do in the face of questions or comments from third parties. Parents should, she says, “explain, in a simple way, that it’s perfectly natural and that it’s no drama for the child to have a different skin tone than the parents.”
Source: CNN Brasil
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