This article is published in issue 19 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until May 10, 2022
F.Mom’s. Here we go again. The first hurdle you face is setting the date. When does it fall? On a fixed day, like Christmas? Or is she unstable and a dancer like Easter and Carnival? And why is an alert flashing in your brain about 8 May? Fortunately, Google exists. And the marketing of companies, which are starting to promote the event to remind us all. Unfortunately, they also remind your children’s teachers, who spend the same amount of time on Pinterest, looking for an artifact to replicate and deliver home. The signs of the “surprise” set-up are unequivocal: suddenly the toilet paper rolls will disappear from the bathroom, the same ones that no one besides you ever remembers to allocate for separate collection. Before you rejoice when miracles of this magnitude occur, you stop and think: how many days are left until the next holiday? You cultivate doubt, yet you still hope your educational strategies have paid off. But when you find orphaned eggs in the fridge, bottles with no corks and the sinister notice “please bring silver glitter and vinyl glue” will stand out in the diary, you will have no more doubts: they are making “the job”.
Here’s how to get out of it without causing trauma: welcome the artifact with a festive smile, don’t ask for explanations, pretend you like it very much. This point is fundamental to create the alibi and activate the next strategy.
Wait until the enthusiasm subsides, that the child has shown it to everyone, indeed be the host of the work yourself, make sure that it is the first thing you notice whoever comes to your house, even the courier. When the warning threshold is lowered, you can finally put the plan into action: get rid of it. But wisely, don’t throw it in the garbage, have you seen the cops? The murder weapon must be burned or thrown into the river. A trash can away from your usual routes will be fine, possibly at night. In the following days you are vague, often the nemi … child does not even remember his own chore. In case of questions, however, absolute silence. If cornered, you can blame your grandmother and her habit of throwing everything away.
However, there is also an intolerable new trend in the art scene, and we want to use this pulpit to declare our absolute opposition to this barbaric fashion.
We did not cross our arms because of the gender pay inequality, the lack and cost of nursery schools, the discrimination suffered during selection and maternity leave, the absence of women in key roles, but there is everything. a limit. The do-it-yourself job, where you stand for you as a parent, has become the “do-it-yourself job”. The fashion consists in sending home the instructions for the assembly of the hook. The disturbing phenomenon is being reported to us more and more often. But beware, it can be the classic straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Ps The one conventionally recognized as Mother’s Day creator, Anna Jarvis, was an activist and had no children. So why, Anna, did you want to offer us this torture? The misunderstanding is discovered by reading her biography of her: the first time she celebrated the party, her mother had died for three years. Dead. Do you understand? She was dead. Not chores, but white carnations.
Francesca Fiore and Sarah Malnerich are the founders of the Mammadimerda blog and the authors of the book Don’t make it as a lifestyle (Feltrinelli, pages 192, 16 euros), out on 12 May. tales (and three prophecies).
To subscribe to Vanity Fair, click here.
Source: Vanity Fair
