«How long is it forever?Alice asks the White Rabbit in Lewis Carroll’s story. That “forever” that marks the beginning of a marriage but, in the course of life, could become even more intense in the act of separation.
The change in the perception and use of one’s time changes after the end of a relationship, as does the self-representation of oneself. For many women, this moment coincides with the conquest of a new individual freedom, with the rediscovery of oneself and with the reappropriation of being a woman and not just the wife of. Even in the most painful cases, the initial fragmentation of one’s identity, the suffering and the loss of balance, then lead to a new awareness and a heartfelt care for oneself.
It’s the story of Marina (not her real name), who first arrived at her divorce lawyer’s office in a scruffy way, no longer interested in loving or liking herself. With the support of the lawyer, who accompanies people not only in a legal path, but also in a human and psychological path, she allowed herself to be persuaded to undertake a path of self-care, completely delegating the separation procedure to avoid having to continually reopen the wound. At the first hearing, she arrives presenting as new, unrecognizable even in the eyes of her husband who has begun to wade through it with an interest never felt before. The separation continued, but the path of rebirth represented the real final victory. To tell us this story is Marzia Coppola, divorce lawyer of study Bernardini de Pace in Milan. «It didn’t just happen to Meryl Streep in the film It’s complicated to become the lover of her husband. “
«Every story of separation comes from that wound in the heart that opens when one perceives loneliness. Every separation is, in fact, the encounter with loneliness and at the same time with oneself. Often, we wonder if we will be able to be someone even far from the person and personality of the spouse who, inevitably up to that moment, has somehow influenced and conditioned who we are ” says Marzia Coppola. «Alongside loneliness there is the fear of change. The end of a love, however, is not necessarily a war: it is a difficult path towards a new life, an important path of awareness, which pushes us to seek within ourselves new energies and strong motivations for a better life ».
REAPPROPRIATION OF THE SELF
“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean being selfish. On the contrary, starting to put one’s psycho-physical well-being first means improving the quality of one’s life and consequently improving working, family and social relationships. IS
It is therefore wrong to think that serenity and selfishness are mutually exclusive. Thought that often flares up in the head of wives (even mothers) who are used to taking care of others before thinking about themselves. Many times I have met future ex-wives, perhaps even betrayed, still intent on worrying about their husband’s shirts, not going out because the husband would not like it, always taking care of the children because the father is very busy at work … once I try to make these women look from the outside to understand on the one hand what they are really able to do and what their value is as a woman and as a mother, and on the other hand because only in this way can they understand that dedicating themselves always and for strength to the other is not the healthiest and most valuing way, especially when marriage is now irremediably in crisis “, says Coppola.
In the search for oneself it is also important to dedicate time to aesthetic care of oneself: change your look, put on your eyes to go out, treat yourself to a massage, rely on a personal trainer, a nutritionist or go on a trip alone. Gestures that in their lightness can acquire a profound value to increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
“It is necessary to embrace the idea that from separation, especially if accompanied by sensitive and prepared lawyers who understand when to fight and when to make common sense prevail, a new woman can arise. As the fairy tales of our childhood have always told us in which good has always triumphed in the end, obstacles and defeats reveal that pain is an opportunity. And the intelligence of the heart suggests to us how to treasure it ».
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