The Men Who Make Us Cry: Learning to Run Away from a Pathological Narcissist

He has several novels to his credit in which his pen is guided by his professional skills to the point of being able to dig into the existential abyss of the protagonists. This time, however, Lucrezia Lerro, in her latest work Men who make you crypublished for The Ship of Theseusfor the first time she perfectly combines her soul as a writer with that of a psychologist, offering a sort of psychoanalytic session which, narrated with accuracy, offers countless ideas for
reflection on addiction to toxic relationships and the inability to take care of oneself.

What made you feel the need to write this book?
«The genesis is bizarre: in 2011, while I was walking through the streets of Milan, it occurred to me
this title. It often happens to me that an idea suddenly arrives and imposes itself on mine
mind. Subsequently, over the years, the story that is not inspired by experiences has taken shape
lived, but from the need to explore delicate and complex issues involving human and sentimental relationships. It was a work of excavation and devotion: investigating the world through writing is very important to me. It offers a magnifying glass on reality».

Taking up the title of the book, who are the men who make you cry?
«In the book I entrust the task of answering this question to the protagonist, Ornella, painter of
successful, very sensitive to the idea of ​​being loved at any cost. It is she who reveals who I am
the “irresistible” like “his” Amedeo, vain men to excess. They are the ones who actually
they fail to love women, as they have little empathy with the complexity of the female world”.

What causes the “hunger for love” which often makes women easy prey for narcissists
pathological?
«The “hunger for love” has distant and ferocious roots – there can be many causes – it often springs from an emotional deprivation in the first years of a person’s life, but each case has its own genesis. For example, the protagonist of my book tried to fill this void in the heart, generated by a troubled family past, first with food and then with the frantic search for affection».

How do you recognize these men dedicated to feeding their ego with women evidently
fragile like Ornella?
“They are insecure and frustrated men who lie and take their dissatisfaction out on women.
They constantly need confirmation, both on their physical appearance and on their talent. They are self-centered and superficial to such an extent that they devalue women and focus only on their physical appearance,
taking advantage of their weaknesses”.

How can you escape in time from a toxic love?
«I will never stop repeating it: we must learn to take care of our thoughts, of our mental health. We must not give our good to those who do not deserve it. Rather let’s divert it onto ourselves, take care of ourselves and fill ourselves with kind gestures, rather than projecting all the love we need onto someone else who turns out to be incapable of appreciating our generosity.

Ornella goes so far as to affirm «humiliation was the price to pay for having begged
love”. Why, sometimes, do we come to justify such behaviors?
«Ornella does not justify, she is aware that she has taken a non-linear path, but she is torn:
on the one hand she wants to be loved at any cost, on the other she would like to stop giving hers
love to those who don’t deserve it. I invite all women – as fortunately happens to the protagonist of my book – to recognize that certain absurd requests are never proof of love, but of total contempt”.

Is it possible to heal from pathological narcissism and emotional addiction?
«All psychological suffering must be diagnosed by psychologists and psychiatrists to access a
treatment path. Fortunately, neuroscience teaches us that thanks to neuronal plasticity, but
even the experience that always leaves a trace in the psychic life can be changed. You can heal from emotional addictionsbut we must rely on mental health professionals and,
even before that, have a strong motivation to get out of it and not remain a prisoner of suffering».

What is the road that indicates to women victims of pathological narcissists?
«I don’t indicate a road, I suggest to those who are fascinated by the “irresistible” to listen to each other, to
hear from those who have the tools to help them. Like the protagonist, you have to turn to one
psychoanalyst, ready to collect the pain, the cathartic tears».

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