The new frontier of dating apps? Emotional compatibility

Choose the match – and therefore the possible partner – not only on the basis of physical appearance, but above all of the emotional profile? It is the new frontier of dating.

L’app di slow dating Once has created an emotional profiling test with the help of a team of psychologists and relationship experts, able to identify her own emotional profile, so as to be able to establish which other profiles are more compatible with her own. Is called “The Love Experiment” and the aim is to move away from traditional matching algorithms, which focus only on appearance and social status.

But let’s get to the genesis: determined to break down the standardization of dating apps, the founder and CEO of Once Clementine Lalande he asked for the help of the French psychoanalyst Fabienne Kraemer, by the British psychologist and expert in psychopathologies and narcissistic behaviors Dannielle Haig and the British dating expert Charly Lester to create this 28-question test, designed to identify each individual’s emotional profile. The questions range from knowing whether you’d prefer to dine with Obama or the Dalai Lama to what your favorite superpower would be.

«The dating market is designed by men for men and is governed in a non-transparent way – explains Lalande – The result? Dating apps almost all rely on a purely physical appearance-based gaming mechanism and questionnaires that look more like social security forms, focusing on education, income, age, height, and simple questions that can be answered in one. or two words. I’m tired of working in a market that amplifies patriarchal stereotypes, that’s why I chose to engage a team of female relationship experts to help me change the online dating mechanism once and for all. The new algorithm is just the beginning ».

The Love Experiment wants to be a help in finding the ideal match. But isn’t it that leaving all this to an app is a bit questioning our ability to follow intuition in love? “Experience shows that not always trust your instincts it is a good solution, indeed sometimes it even systematically leads to catastrophe – he explains Fabienne Kraemer, a psychoanalyst specializing in love and relationships.

For example, we often “get entangled” in the canons of our father or mother figure, we are conditioned by our education or by the personal idea of ​​what a relationship is. In the end, we think we know what we need, but very often we are wrong. When we look at the number of failed relationships today, we realize that spontaneously formed couples are not necessarily successful.

We believe that falling in love is a first step, but in many cases we don’t fall in love with what could make us happy, but rather with what we think matches the criteria we have in mind. Although many consider it to be something “cold”, in reality the help of an algorithm could help us understand a little more about ourselves, pushing us to consider other criteria than the usual ones we have been domesticated to ” .

“It is well known from scientific research that human beings are not very capable of judging themselves precisely,” he comments Danielle Haig, psychologist expert in psychopathologies and narcissistic behaviors – For example, we often think that we represent ourselves in one way when in reality others would say that we behave completely differently.

Furthermore, we are not very good at separating what we want from life and love, from what society, our family and friends think we should want. The psychological profile gives you an objective view of yourself without all the noise of preconceptions ».

What are we most afraid of when we are looking for a partner? And which fears should wipe out using Love Experiment?

“I think that first of all we are afraid of ending up with someone who does not share our same vision of the future or even of relationships in general – explains Kraemer – The match individuation of the test take these into account. expectations, identifying the extremes. It asks questions that those who are at the beginning of an acquaintance tend not to ask from the beginning, but that they ask after a certain period of time out of modesty or respect. With the test it also becomes easier to identify and therefore avoid “toxic” people.

The other fear when it comes to love is there suffering. I’m not saying The Love Experiment will help avoid all love pain, that wouldn’t be realistic! But let’s say that depending on the match and the combination the user chooses – Magnetic, Explosive or Chemical – you are more or less likely to suffer ».

So no more “Opposites attract”, but only “Who looks alike takes”? What parts of the emotional profile can be different to complement each other in a couple?

“Many things can be different within a couple, it is also the magic of love to have the curiosity of the other, to look in differences for what can make us grow in the relationship – explains Haig – You don’t have to be the same, you can have a different energy. Personalities can be very different, one can be outgoing while the other will be reserved, or one can have an artistic side while the other is a pragmatist. We see couples that work perfectly where one is resourceful while the other lets himself be guided more by the others, or one has a sense of organization and the other is more of a dreamer.

These differences are easy enough to perceive and sometimes make people flee, but the chemistry of a couple does not reside there, it is based on more important values ​​and on deeper character traits, difficult to express in a few exchanges or during a date. Even a brief psychological study can provide detailed information on the fundamental pillars of each person and try to find the best matches, even where one would spontaneously tend to ask oneself what reassures us or stresses us about the other without reaching the depth of the other’s personality ” .

How does The Love Experiment work in practice?

The Love Experiment draws inspiration from transactional analysis, from analytical psychology and from behavioral analysis. The new algorithm allows to identify the psychological dominants of users by categorizing them into 16 possible personality types, in turn identified by four different characteristics: extroversion, physicality, independence and intuition. The 28 questions they have been designed to reveal the personality of those who take part, but also contemporary and fun. Once the test is completed, each user is immediately communicated their personal Emotional Profile, which corresponds to one of the 16 different archetypes.

In order to definitively determine which profiles are most compatible with each other, the Once team also interviewed over a thousand established couples. The survey found that for an optimal emotional match, each couple must have at least three dichotomies in common. Emotional compatibility does not come from opposing perspectives, but rather from a very subtle set of differences. Thanks to the new algorithm, Once now allows singles to benefit from the survey results by taking the test themselves within the app with The Love Experiment.

“Some psychological profiles match better with other profiles, to say it is enough to study the couples who have been together for a long time – explains Kraemer – In dating apps it is difficult to say who is on the other side. But thanks to our test, we are already learning a lot. We based ourselves on four fundamental criteria: the relationship with oneself, with others, with the couple and with the body. From here we have defined the different profiles grouping them by assonance ».

Once you have answered all 28 questions, you can immediately find out which of the 16 different archetypes you belong to. Each archetype is compatible with three other profiles. Each single on the app is then given the opportunity to choose their match based on emotional compatibility:

• “Chemical bond”, the difference with one’s potential match is just enough to guarantee a lasting relationship in which individuality is maintained;
• “Magnetic attraction”, indicates a profile that has obtained exactly the same results in the test;
• “Explosive reaction”, corresponds to the exact opposite. That is, it could be the exception that proves the rule.

“The fact that opposites attract is a well-known belief, but what works for magnets doesn’t seem to be valid for humans looking for lasting love – comments Haig – Opposite personalities can definitely have a passionate or explosive attraction,” but it generally only works for a short time.

From a psychological point of view, a lasting relationship requires a solid foundation of important similarities in the vision of the main domains of life such as relationship style, the desire to have a family and children, finance management, lifestyle, work and more. Each person needs to feel that their emotional and practical needs are being met by the relationship they have. Too many differences translate into cracks that in the long run become chasms that shake the foundations of the couple ».