The sexologist who lived in the same house as her husband, their children and their… lover

One of the top ones sexologists of Australia opened up about her life, revealing the fact that until recently she lived under the same roof with her husband, their two sons and her lover.

On the Parentkind podcast, Tamica Wilder – who is based in the Byron Shire and, through her work as a sex coach, helps mums who want to redefine sensuality, joy and pleasure in their lives – spoke to host Maggie Kelly about what some may consider it an “unconventional” living situation, she says New York Post.

The unconventional lifestyle of the sexologist

“When I met the father of my two children, one of the first sentences that came out of my mouth was: ‘Yes, I want to be with you and it won’t be just you,'” the 37-year-old recalled.

“I was very clear from the beginning of our relationship that I was open, and that was something that was non-negotiable in terms of my relationship style.”

“And so that threw us into a whole world without fully understanding what that meant at the time, and it really felt like the more freedom and flexibility we gave each other, the closer we got.”

After the birth of her and her partner’s two sons and almost 11 years of being together in this unexpected way, Tamica met her current lover in 2018 at a festival in northern NSW, Australia.

“I met this person who is now my partner and I went home to the father of my children and told him everything about this person I had met. And I had told him: “I’m not willing not to see this person again. There is something between us and I want to experience it,” he said.

“And thus [ο Ρομπ και εγώ] we continued to be in a long-distance relationship for a while, and eventually he moved to Melbourne and our family home.”

Tamica made it clear that this didn’t happen overnight, describing Rob’s transition into the home as “a gradual process”.

“I think we actually hung out with the kids once or twice by ourselves, and then the two dads hung out by themselves, and then it would be all five of us and we would phase in,” he said.

It was also important, he explained, that the three adults had “many conversations”.

“Communication in the open relationship part is huge. A lot of people find it quite exhausting and you have to really be on top of it – making sure you’re digging into the unacknowledged and really talking about what your needs are or not pushing your boundaries and really looking after yourself and the other person. Are many”.

Tamica said that during the time all five of them were under the same roof, the house took on a life of its own.

“It’s exactly the same as a normal relationship, but with extra people. There were some days where we looked at each other and were like, ‘Oh my God, this is awesome,'” he said, adding, “This can be a night where we make Mexican and the kids are happy and we have friends over and we’re just having a good time together. And then there are other days where it’s like, “Hey, what the hell are we doing? This is hard””.

“The kids loved having two father figures. It was like three parents to two children, which is amazing, as you can imagine having an extra one – someone plays with them, someone finishes their work and someone cooks dinner.’

It is important to note, of course, that she, Rob and Harry were not a couple -it was Tamica who had two relationships, with two different mensimultaneously.

The pandemic brought change

But after living through almost two years of lockdowns in total Melbournehe knew something had to change.

“There’s no crescendo—there’s no moment where it’s like, ‘That’s the icing on the cake.’ I just knew that I wanted to continue to live within the values ​​of my relationship, so when something difficult came up, I either faced it or stopped being in that kind of relationship,” Tamica said.

“And my choice was always to ride it out, always weather the storm, always rise again and get better at the way we did it. There were moments when family and relationship and intimacy and friendship and flow and connection and conversation within the family unit were much more important and took precedence over other moments or other people or other things.”

“And then there were other times where I would have a relationship with my boyfriend, but then I would also want to have a romantic connection or a sexual connection with another couple of people, and that was it for me. Maybe I wanted to have a certain kind of kink play with a certain kind of person who I know could give me something. And then she would date a woman if I wanted something specific from her. So there are all the different types of connection that I have to navigate, and yes, it can be difficult to put into practice.”

Eventually, she moved with her two sons to the Byron Shire, where they now live with Rob. “We just changed the configuration, we changed the configuration of living,” he said.

“And the boys’ dad is here, like all the time, we’re all really close friends, my friend and the boys’ dad, they hang out and go for walks and hug each other.”