The social mother, a parent without rights? The social parent and the son of the ex: a relationship to be protected

Kind lawyer,
My name is Anna and I write to her because I need her help. Ten years ago I met what then became my partner. He had recently been widowed and was growing his two -year -old girl alone, Margherita.

After the beginning of our relationship, we went to live together and I took care of the little girl as if it were my daughter. I accompanied her to school, I edited her when she was sick, I took charge of her suffering for her mother’s loss, I taught her to ride a bicycle….

For a few months, my partner has left me for another woman. The pain of the separation was great, but what hurts me most is not being able to see Margherita anymore. He told me that I am nobody for her, that I have no right.

Is this really the case? I have no chance of continuing to have a relationship with the girl that I raised and loved like a daughter? She calls me mom …

Anna

Dear Anna,

I understand his concern, which arises from a sense of impotence, from the fear of not having rights.

The emergence of new family models has led to the creation of a new figure, that of the “social parent“And that is the spouse or partner of the biological parent of a minorwho joins the life of the child.

In many cases, it is an adult who can become very significant for the minor, when a solid and lasting emotional relationship is born. The situation becomes complicated when the union between the social parent and the biological parent enters crisis.

Sometimes, the biological parent prevents son’s relationships with the social parent, despite the importance that the latter has in the life of the child. The law does not protect the relationship between the social parent and the son of the former.

In fact, art. 337-third The civil code recognizes that, in the event of the separation of the parents, the minor has the right to be treated and educated by both and to maintain significant relationships with the grandparents and relatives of each parental branch, but does not provide for anything regarding the social parent.

However, there is no doubt that the abrupt suspension of the contacts between his son and those who took care of him as a parent is contrary to the interest of the minor.

For this reason, the Constitutional Court, in 2016, said that, if a parent unjustifies the relationship between the son and the former partner who was a reference figure for the child, holds a prejudicial behavior for the minor. It follows that the judge can intervene, deciding that those relationships are restored in the interest of the minor, as well as the social parent excluded from his life.

The case examined by the Constitutional Court concerned two women of whom a mother of twins conceived through heterologous assisted procreation; During the coexistence, the partner of the biological mother had personally dealt with the care of the children, but then, after a few years, the women had separated, the children had remained with the biological mother and the former mother of the mother had turned to the judge to make his right to meet and attend the minors who considered her “the second mother”.

The judgment of the Constitutional Court is in line with the orientation of the European Court of Human Rights, which has repeatedly reiterated that “Each person has the right to respect his private and familiar life …“, Specifying how the existence of a family life is a matter of fact, which depends on the ascertainment of stable and significant emotional bonds that can also arise outside of the constraints of kinship or marriage.

But be careful, dear Anna, she cannot directly sue her former partner, but she must contact the public prosecutor so that signals to the court that her former partner prevents the daughter from seeing her and being with her. In this way, the judge will be able to decide that Margherita – who is heard, if he is already 12 years old – resumes attending with her according to a predefined calendar and thought mainly on the basis of the needs of the girl and her life habits.

The Court of Como also in 2019, in a case similar to his, recognized “The right to the protection of the affective bond of the minor with the adult figures of reference and, in particular, the protection of the link between the minor and the social parent who, over time, has compensated the lack of the biological parent, ensuring the least psychological well -being and serenity in his growth path“.

The encouragement to take this path, why parenting is not a biological fact, But it is a profound link that only love is able to generate.

In the meantime, we hope that our legislator will intervene to fill this emptiness of protection and acknowledge that, as he said Michela Murgia“… The family is a cultural fact. If it is really natural, then be careful, because they naturally become familiar to all the tasks of care and assistance that a family alone is not able to support, especially in a company like this, where we are more focused on production than on the relationship“.

Today more than ever “children are of those who grow them”.