The Stories We are, Chiara: “Why can’t a single woman be a mother?”

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Chiara is 43 years old, single and would like to become a mother. But in Italy single women are not allowed to access assisted fertilization and the path of adoption is foreseen (with great difficulty) only “in particular cases”. «I have a sensitive and free spirit, something that clashes a bit with my very traditional family who did not support me in my decision. But this has never been important to me. How was it not to be asked every time, when I mentioned the fact that I want to have a child alone, “are you ever a lesbian?”.

The second question, immediately after, was “but do you realize how selfish you are? A child needs a father and a mother ”. As if love wasn’t enough. ‘

To be able to become a mother, Chiara took a plane to Denmark where, after undergoing a hormonal treatment, she attempted assisted fertilization. “There I discovered I only had one ovary and was able to produce only three eggs. Of these, only one wanted to be fertilized but, alas, he could not resist and therefore it did not go as I hoped. On the other hand I had only 15-20% success but I trusted in my strong desire to become a mother and I tried anyway ». The second attempt was in Lisbon, where Chiara agreed to receive an egg from an anonymous donor, younger than her. “So I raised the success rate but it didn’t go well.”

For each fertilization treatment, Chiara faced a total cost (specialist visits, examinations, medicines, treatment, travel) of about ten thousand euros. A figure that in Italy drops drastically for heterosexual couples who can turn to the national health system. “You feel like a second-class person in your country and for all those who think the family is made up of mother, father and children. And that there is nothing else. But we women who are single and eager to become mothers do exist. Why are we discriminated against? ».

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