Tosin Nicolas, the man who lived three times

This article is published in number 40 of Vanity Fair on newsstands until October 5, 2021

The nights contain the most merciless memories, the ones that keep him from falling asleep: “I studied psychology in recent years and I realized that insomnia is a consequence of what happened to me: I think I’m traumatized.” At 22, Tosin Nicolas has already lived at least three lives. Traces of the first remain in the cat, which is called Lagos after the city where he was born in Nigeria and which he left at the age of 15 when his aunt sold him to a human trafficker.

The last one is the one he is currently living in San Giorgio Jonico, a town in the province of Taranto: a nice tidy apartment that can be glimpsed from the frame of the video call, a Taranto family who helps him, an internship to become a social health worker and graduate studies in Social Services.

The first memories?
“I lived in Ikorodu, a district of Lagos where there are gangs who rob, kill, rape. At the age of 5 I lost both parents in a car accident and my older brother and I went to live with our divorced maternal aunt, but she didn’t want us ».

So what?
“So beating, screaming, my aunt would send me down the street to sell bananas, palm oil, stuff like that.”

Was he good at selling?
“I did my best, if I didn’t earn enough she hit me.”

How did it end up in Libya?
“At 15 my aunt comes to me and tells me that there is this opportunity to go to Libya to find a job.”

Weren’t you afraid to leave home at 15?
“No, because I felt like a stranger where I was. Sometimes if my aunt was angry I had to sleep outside the house, on the street. I was only sorry to leave Jumoke Sofiat, my fiancée, but I thought I would find a job. She was barely a month pregnant. ‘

Did she agree?
“I didn’t tell him. I left without saying anything to her because I was ashamed of being so poor that I had to leave. I thought: I’m going to Libya, find a job and after a year I’ll have her come with the baby ».

Instead her aunt had sold her to a trafficker.
“Yes, but I understood this later.”

Then he leaves for Libya.
“This gentleman friend of my aunt takes me to other people, who load us on a pick-up. We were 30-40. A week in the desert, a nightmare. Luckily a woman helps me, gives me food. At a certain point some bandits stop the van and make us get out: they beat us, then when they see that we have nothing they make us go up again. And meanwhile you see the corpses in the desert ».

What was he thinking in those moments?
“I trusted in God and that’s it.”

Were you afraid of dying?
“Yup”.

Eventually it arrives in Libya.
«They send me to be a slave in the mansion of a Libyan family. I had to do housework from morning to night and work their land, even when I was sick. I had no salary. I slept on a mattress thrown on the floor in a warehouse. The head of this family killed a man in front of my eyes. ‘

Because?
“He was a farmhand who wanted to be paid. The boss got nervous, pulled out his gun and killed him in front of everyone. But it is not such a strange scene in Libya: there everyone has at least one gun in their house and they shoot themselves in the streets, there is anarchy ».

What traces did witnessing a murder leave you?
“Even today I can’t stand fireworks, they remind me of gunshots.”

What happens next?
«After nine months I decide to escape. There was this Nigerian barber, Gabriel, aged fifty, who had taken a liking to me. I was hiding in his house for a while, then one day he said to me: you can’t stay hidden forever, either you go back to Nigeria or you cross the sea. I had no doubts: I wanted to go to Europe, I couldn’t go back ».

How did you imagine Europe?
“Like a beautiful place, where everyone was rich and happy, where there was no corruption or violence.”

Did he know the journey was risky?
“Yes, everyone knew it, but at that point I had nothing to lose.”

And they put her on the boat.
“First they lock us in a very small room with a hundred people. I stay there for a month, we are divided into groups and I have to wait my turn to leave. Without toilets, all crowded together, with people freaking out and beating each other. Two men were killed by the Libyans because they made a mess: they go in and shoot you, like that. A woman gave birth in that room and the next day she ended up on the dinghy with me: she was still losing blood ».

He was afraid?
“A lot. I passed out twice. But I felt like superhuman courage. I watched the children crying and thought I had to be strong for them. With one leg in and one out, almost in the water, I was incredibly serene: I thought I was also ready to die at that point, I saw the corpses of a previous trip floating on the water, the dinghy began to sink. After twelve hours we saw a helicopter and then the Spanish rescue. I thought: maybe I can do it ».

And he did it.
«Yes, they took me to the Taranto hotspot, but for a few weeks I was in shock, I didn’t know if I was really alive or if I was dead, a terrible feeling. I wanted to talk to someone but I didn’t have anyone to call. ‘

His girlfriend?
“I had no way of contacting her. But the thing that I regret most is that during the hearing to obtain the documents I did not talk about you or about my son Amin ».

Why are you so sorry?
“Because love does not abandon itself and in that moment it is as if I had abandoned her and Amin, since they are not in the official documents”.

How did you meet?
‘In Lagos, on the street, while I was out selling. She stops me to buy a banana, then negotiates the price and in the end she doesn’t even buy it ».

Was that an excuse to meet her?
“Maybe yes. Then we met again a few days later always on the street and we fell in love. I was 14, she was 15. She was my first love, as I was for her. We didn’t know anything about contraceptives and so she got pregnant. But I left immediately after ».

His new life begins in Italy.
“Yes, first in a community that allows me to study: middle school and then a professional institute. And then thanks to this family who almost adopted me ».

Who I am?
“You are a teacher, they are an exceptional family. The house where I live today is theirs, they help me in everything ».

Episodes of racism?
“Yes, many. The worst thing is when no one on the bus wants to sit next to you. But I am grateful to Italy that saved me ».

What are you dreaming of today?
«I would like to finish my studies, find a job. And get Jumoke and Amin, whom I met in July, to come here. ‘

How did it go?
«Jumoke I found her on Facebook. Amin asked me why I had abandoned them: I replied that I had left to study and work. I was afraid of disappointing him again. ‘

What does it take to get them to come here?
«A 12 thousand euro Cud or a work contract for you or an invitation as a tourist from an Italian. At the moment it is impossible. I would like to move to the North, to Milan or Turin, where there is more work, but I need a base, a connection ».

What did you tell your loved ones about Italy?
«In Jumoke the best thing in your country: the Constitution. A beautiful text written with humanity, which leaves no one behind ».

And to Amin?
“I told him about your ice creams, which are very good.”

Photo by Vincenzo Montefinese

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