What is “maintenance sex”?

Have you ever heard of maintenance sex? It is maintenance sex. Sounds weird? Perhaps because we more likely associate the word maintenance with something we need to do for a car or property. But for some time now, this same term has been increasingly used in relation to sex and life as a couple.

Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that sooner or later the pink and blossom period of the first hot months goes away, and that when life gets in the way, it’s easy to feel too busy to get busy under the sheets. For those in long-term relationships, the difference between the couple’s budding sex life and the current one might seem very stark.

Whether it’s busy working hours with too long shifts, or the stress of carrying on a full-time job while taking care of the children and the house, often at the end of the day couples are too tired to flirt.

If you reflect in what has been described so far, perhaps you will find comfort in knowing that decreased sexual intimacy is normal in many relationships. It is in fact common for many couples in a relationship for years to have what they are called in jargon “Periods of drought”. These are periods of time, more or less long, in which there is simply no sex. A recent online survey showed that many couples who are married, engaged or in long-term relationships have gone from having rtake four times a week at once.

“There is a moment in a relationship where the infatuation and discovery phase has passed. You are safe with each other and the stress and obligations of life start to become a priority – said Dr. Sanam Hafeez, clinical psychologist in New York – There are a lot of external stressors and things that can threaten the possibility of being “in the mood” for sex despite being in love ».

However, sex life (as well as lack of it) play an important role in a relationship. The connection on a physical level has in fact a fundamental function in the life of a couple. While there is no magic number that can indicate how many times intercourse should be consumed (the ideal frequency can vary significantly from couple to couple depending on age, libido, health status and other factors), a 2017 study found indicated a ideal frequency of once a week to maintain a certain level of happiness as a couple .

Here then comes maintenance sex.

But what exactly is it about? The term maintenance sex means the practice of consciously incorporate sex into one’s relationship, with the aim of maintaining a certain frequency of physical activity under the sheets. Depending on the couple, this could mean planning sex ahead of time or just making the decision to do it even when you’re tired and not in the mood very much.

However, this should not be misinterpreted as a pressure on either partner to have sex. Maintenance sex it is a sex agreed upon by both individuals. And according to experts, this practice could be vital for long-term relationships. But is it really so?

THE BENEFITS OF MAINTENANCE SEX

When life gets hectic and working hours get longer, maintenance sex can help couples rekindle intimacy. According to experts, when couples have consensual sex, even if they are not “in the mood”, they still experience the positive effects of the act.

In fact, sex reduces the levels of cortisol, also known as thestress hormone, and releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, including serotonin and oxytocin. Oxytocin is a key element in social interactions and sentimental reactions, which is why it has taken the nickname of love hormone. This is why you usually feel closer to your partner after intercourse.

Not only. Various researches claim that sex has multiple health benefits that go beyond mental and couple well-being. Among the various proven benefits on a physical level it has been shown that sex helps lower blood pressure and consequently improve the cardiovascular system. Sex also strengthens the immune system and provides full or partial relief from migraines and bone pains.

Icing on the cake, sex reduces stress and anxiety and improves sleep. This is why you are automatically more productive at work and better predisposed towards others.

Rachel Needle, director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, explains that maintenance sex doesn’t necessarily have to be the only time a couple has sex, but it serves as a good reminder during those weeks (or months) when you don’t have the time or desire for anything.

“Our sexual desire increases and decreases throughout our life, and sometimes we have to make a conscious effort to be physically intimate with our partner – Rachel Needle explains – But we have to unhinge the myth that sex must be spontaneous. Life can be busy and daily life can hinder the physical intimacy of a couple. Planning ahead can create anticipation and excitement “.

SEX MAINTENANCE REMAINS A COMPLEX MATTER FOR MANY

Is maintenance sex really a good idea? The benefits, physical and mental, that are derived from sex are undeniable, but experts and psychologists have some doubts and not everyone is convinced that this is a practice to be suggested and exalted.

Furthermore, as the term has become more and more widespread, many people have shared opinions on the subject, condemning maintenance sex and highlighting the problems related to consent and other social issues such as gender politics and stereotypes.

One of the fundamental problems with maintenance sex is that it is often aimed only at women. By doing a very quick search on Google, you will find in fact several articles that advise how to undertake this practice. However, such advice is always addressed to women, never to men.

The very concept of maintenance sex is based on a heteronormative idea of ​​relationships, in which male sexuality is embodied by a higher physical desire than female sexuality. This reinforces the idea that women’s desires and passion are never put on a par with those of men.

Audrey Tang, a psychologist and author of several books on the subject, reiterates this point, openly declaring that having sex when one partner is unsure or unwilling is not something to celebrate at all.

«Sex is often one of the most loving and intimate acts that can be shared with someone – observes the doctor – It is something that gratifies all the parties involved, due to the emotional and physical connection. But when you change the narrative in which this beautiful gift of self is offered ‘to keep your partner happy in a relationship’, this it devalues ​​not only the act, but worse, one’s personal value, probably eroding self-esteem and self-confidence “.

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