Are you experiencing a difficult situation that makes you anxious? “Think positive”! Are you going through a moment of uncertainty? “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”! Do you open social media and feel annoyed and confused by all the smiles printed? Relax and #onlyGoodVibes! If these answers only add to your anger and frustration, there is nothing wrong with you. On the contrary! Denying your emotions would only lead to worse consequences.
Being positive at all costs, in fact, has a name and is called “toxic positivity”.
We asked the Dr. Erika Leoni of Guidapsicologi.it, to guide us in this emotional jungle.
What is meant by toxic positivity?
«By the term toxic positivity we mean a overly positive attitude, which does not allow us to recognize the emotions we are experiencing, denying any emotion that cannot be classified as positive. It is the belief that if we ignore difficult emotions and even the parts of our life that don’t work, we will be much happier ”.
What are the risks of being overly positive?
“Toxic positivity can be dangerous because it makes us fall into one state of denial of reality and forces us to repress our true emotions: I might feel wrong because I feel anger, thus tending to suppress those emotions essential for survival and experience in the world. The problem is that positivity is toxic oversimplifies the human brain and the way we process emotions, and it can actually be detrimental to our mental health. Feeling connected and listened to by others is one of the most powerful antidotes to depression and anxiety, while isolation feeds these emotional problems, so it would be much more useful to identify the emotions we feel, addressing and processing them, even through speech “.
Why can positive thinking at all costs hurt us, especially in times of anxiety and stress like these?
“We are facing a particularly difficult period, in which we have experienced a wide range of emotions: from the frustration of uncertainty to anger at the social limitations that have been imposed on us, from the fear of contagion to the anxiety of the vaccine. There are different ways in which we can react to this emergency: by talking about it constantly, we tend to exaggerate the danger, but we can also make the opposite mistake, that is to underestimate it, deny it, also to escape the anguish that derives from it. Both attitudes are harmful: they are not based on an objective and balanced vision of reality and lead to wrong and dangerous behaviors, for oneself and for others ».
What is the right balance?
«Hiding all these emotions in a container to be kept tightly closed is not at all convenient. As Freud i repressed ideational contents are not canceled, but transferred to the unconscious, from where they return in the form of symptoms. In this moment we can happen to be afraid, and as previously said fear is a fundamental emotion for our defense and our survival, if we did not try it we would not be able to save ourselves from the risks, so a limited dose of fear is necessary. to get active and be safe. To realize how all emotions play a fundamental role in the psycho-physical balance of the person, I would like to mention the animated film INSIDE OUT, in which only a correct interaction between the six fundamental emotions (joy, anger, sadness, disgust, anger, fear), allowed the young protagonist to face the move to another city. If you remember, in the movie, Joy took over and Sadness she fled, but that will be when Sadness he will be able to get his hands on his primary memories that the girl will finally be able to remember the past with the nostalgia necessary to give it the right value. And to recover Joy it is necessary to allow the Sadness to flow freely first in and then out of us. So it is important to identify, recognize and express the emotions we are experiencing, without being afraid to get involved ».
How to avoid falling into toxic positivity and instead establish a healthy approach to the discomfort / pain you are experiencing?
«It is important to understand that every emotion has value and must be recognized and expressed, we cannot always be happy, cheerful, we will find ourselves experiencing moments of frustration, sadness, in which we want to be alone with our pain. It is necessary to give the right value to these moments by accepting sadness and allowing it to flow first inside and then outside of us.
How to deal with the sadness of a friend or loved one?
“When we see that a loved one is going through a moment of sadness, my advice is not to repeat phrases such as ‘think positive’ or ‘see it differently’, which underlie a judgment. This way your friend may feel guilty for not reacting in the right way. But what is the right way? ».
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