What mothers-in-law think who have a good relationship with daughters-in-law

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When a couple goes into crisis, the cause is not always due to a betrayal or a loss of affection. In the case of a marriage or a long-lasting relationship, the motivations can be of a different nature. Even the way a parent joining the family can in fact help make or break the relationshipbecause different factors come into play here ranging from where the boundaries are to how many family secrets are shared, to how inclusive each partner’s parents prove to be.

After all, it is known that those with family members are very complex relationships, especially in the case of mother-in-law relationship. Also for this Geoffrey Greifprofessor at the University of Maryland, together with his colleague Michael Woolley, they tried to understand the characteristics of those relationships in which the mother-in-law has a good understanding with the daughter-in-lawin the hope that mothers-in-law in difficulty can find ideas and answers to fill any gaps in their relationship.

The study: when it works between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

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The results of their study were published in social work. Based on survey data on 267 mothers-in-law, Greif and Woolley examined the feelings of those (112) who felt they were especially close to their daughters-in-law.

For their analysis, the two researchers used the element «My daughter-in-law and I have a close relationship» as a dependent variable. From here we started to try to understand what determines closeness and the fact that the relationship works. And here are the six points that emerged.

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1. The mother-in-law perceives the daughter in law how available. 2. The mother-in-law perceives that the son is happy with the relationship he has with his daughter-in-law. 3. The mother-in-law perceives that she and the daughter-in-law they share similar interests. 4. The mother-in-law she feels close to her son. 5. The mother-in-law she doesn’t feel left out by daughter-in-law and son. 6. The mother-in-law spends time with daughter-in-law.\

4 tips to improve your relationship

For those mothers-in-law who don’t have an idyllic relationship with their daughter-in-law, but would like to improve it, some further suggestions have also emerged. Here are four focal points to focus on.

1.Help each other

“A good starting point is to involve your daughter-in-law in situations where she can help and see if there are opportunities that are not being considered where it is possible build a certain level of collaboration» explains Greif.

2. Share interests

«Secondly, it would be useful to try to find common interests, as joint activities help build a relationship. This can also serve to increase the time spent together and the sense of closeness ».

3. Closer to her (and him)

The third aspect concerns the child/spouse and his relationship with his partner. “It goes without saying that most mothers want to be close to their child and when they are close they are more likely to be close to their daughter-in-law as well. It is important to recognize that building a good relationship with the daughter-in-law can facilitate closeness with the sonan extremely important subject in this report”.

4. More inclusion

Finally, it is essentialexplore their own feelings of inclusion or exclusion. Feeling left out is not pleasant. In this case, it is important to try to understand why there are these feelings (remembering the needs that couples are experiencing, especially those raising children), and to look for a way to change them. Building a good relationship with your daughter-in-law, along the lines already suggested, can be a way to feel more included and at the same time be more inclusive».

More stories from Vanity Fair that might interest you are:

5 things to never say to your mother-in-law

Celebrating Christmas with in-laws: 9 rules to better manage relationships

Source: Vanity Fair

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