When is the right time to talk to teens about dating?

Intense period of transformations and hormonal changes, adolescence is also marked by the beginning of affective and sexual relationships for most individuals.

For parents, it takes patience to deal with mood swings, aloof or aggressive behavior, and the natural withdrawal typical of the transition between childhood and adolescence.

If, on the one hand, parents feel “walking on eggshells”, on the other, teenagers find any conversation a kind of invasion of privacy.

In this minefield, numerous questions arise: when to talk about dating? How to do it naturally? What helps to avoid discomfort and embarrassment for both parties?

turning point

Experts say there is no exact time to have a conversation about affair , considering that each individual has unique characteristics and experiences. However, some signs may indicate to parents that the time has come to get into the subject.

“There is a moment in the life of every human being when he leaves his childhood and begins to enter his pre-adolescence. The person begins to look at the opposite sex, or depending on sexual orientation, their own sex, with desire, desire and admiration. They begin to realize that that little friend or friend who was boring or ugly, becomes interesting or the focus of attention. It is at this point that we can start talking to the teenager about love relationships and dating”, says Marcelo Santos, clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Universidade Presbiteriana Mackenzie.

In this sense, parents can pay more attention to points such as the change in their children’s interests, the presence of new “characters” in the stories they tell, in addition to changes in behavior, such as greater concern with their own appearance.

“There is no exact moment for this to happen, since, little by little, we are noticing changes in the interest of teenagers, but the ideal path is to create a certain opening for them to talk about any subject, whether it be about dating, relationships and also sexuality, which will be the next step in the beginning of a relationship”, says sexologist and pelvic physiotherapist Débora Pádua.

The professor at Mackenzie points out that, like other areas of teenagers’ lives, relationships also tend to be marked by intensity.

“With modernity and especially with technological advances, we have seen young people start love relationships very early. The sooner you realize it’s your son or daughter, the sooner you should sit down with him or her and explain all the implications of a love relationship”, says Santos. “There is a moment in a teenager’s life when emotions are very intense. So much so that, if on the one hand he lives an intense love and has that ideology of saving the world, on the other hand, this intensity can also cause problems”, he adds.

In this context, he claims that conversation between parents and children can help prevent teenagers from getting involved in abusive relationships.

“Parents can observe how precocious the teenager is. If he already has a clear interest in maintaining relationships or shows desire for other people, it is interesting to talk and explain what a healthy relationship is, what a relationship can affect in terms of mental health, what is the impact on a person’s productive life. This teenager should be made aware of how much a love relationship involves in other instances of life”, says Santos.

Reduction of barriers

Adolescence is a time of discoveries and we cannot prevent this process from occurring naturally, says the sexologist.

“Our role needs to be one of guidance, that is, talk little by little and say that you notice that there is an interest in this person and if he or she wants to talk about it, become open about the subject without showing that this will be a problem”, it says.

The expert says that one way to make this approximation and break the ice can be to tell the children stories of their own adolescence.

“If you manage to get closer to your son or daughter and gain their trust, it will be easier and easier to talk about more delicate subjects such as sexuality, visiting the gynecologist, using condoms, avoiding illness and not turning sexuality into a taboo that later on can even create psychological and physical trauma in adult life,” says Débora.