“Why does my wife want her sexual aid more than me?”

“My wife often uses him vibrator her when I’m not around. But when he does, it seems like there is nothing left for me. We have used it together and when we do that, the sex is perfect, however I want more sex than her.

I just do not understand why she does not want me as much as she wants her dildo. He obviously has needs, but so do I. We are both over 50, we make good money, we have a good relationship with communication (except for the subject of sex) and we love each other. When we try to talk about it, he takes a defensive stance and denies that he uses it or that he needs it. Do you have anything to suggest?

It’s a man’s letter to the British Guardian and its column on relationships. The answer is given by Pamela Stephenson Connolly, who is a psychotherapist based in the USA and specializes in the treatment of sexual disorders.

So her answer is: “It would be useful to try to discuss with her the technical aspects of her self-satisfaction. Many men feel threatened by a woman for using a dildo because they assume it is a substitute – which is often not true.

Your spouse’s sexual aid can be used to a great extent to stimulate her clitoris – the female center of pleasure. If your usual way is to focus on intercourse without paying enough attention to her clitoris, it would be understandable if she has chosen to give herself extra pleasure with guaranteed orgasms.

Many women can not reach orgasm just by having sex. If the partner does not help or is ashamed to explain his needs, many will be led to private complacency.

But again, how do you know you want more sex than her? He may just want the best of both. “