Woman exchanges USA for Spain after family tragedy: “helped cure”

MARIA ROBERTSON-JUSTINIANO He led what he described as a “fairy tale” life with her husband and son in Chicago in the United States, with the future apparently traced. But everything changed in 2018, when her husband, Alex, died unexpectedly.

“It was an absolute shock,” Maria tells CNN TRAVEL explaining how the tragedy completely turned her career and led her and her son to leave the US. “I didn’t see it as a viable option to continue there,” he adds.

Devastating loss

Four years after Alex’s death, Maria moved to Spain with her son Lucas which at the time was 14 years old.

Three years ago, mother and son have been happy in Valencia, hometown of Maria’s mother. “Valencia helped us cure [do luto]”She says.

Maria, who was born in the United Kingdom and grew up in Canada, always had a connection with the Spanish city. He had already spent long periods there and even lived briefly in his youth, but had never seriously considered a definitive change.

Even so, he always considered her her “second house.” “It didn’t matter where I lived in the world, Valencia always came with me,” he adds.

In 1998, Maria left Canada to study at Princeton University in the United States, where he met Alex.

The couple married in 2001, moved to Washington, DC, and had their son Lucas before going to Chicago, where they both invested in their careers.

“Life in Chicago was everything to us,” he recalls. “Our works were doing very well, and everything indicated that we would be there forever.”

“You move on and think, ‘Wow, I love my life. We are living something so beautiful, ”she says.

“And suddenly it’s like a bomb exploded … and you stay there, no ground.”

Remembering that “horrible” period, Maria compares the sensation to a tsunami.

“It’s all calm, beautiful,” he describes. “The tide retreats. And then, out of nowhere, a giant wave drags you. And you wonder, ‘What now?’

In the days and weeks after the death of Alex, the community of Evanston, in Illinois, where they lived, joined to support Mary and Lucas.

“My son’s school group of school organized a scheme to help us with meals,” he recalls. “They fed us for three months.”

“They left meals on my door with letters, flowers, tickets. It was incredible support. ”

Maria admits that it was very difficult to leave friends behind, as well as her work as a teacher. But I felt I was trying to move on with a life that actually no longer existed.

“Everything pulled me back,” he says. “Alex was everywhere.”

Resumption

Initially, Maria planned to wait until Lucas finished high school. But during a trip to Spain in 2021, it was the son himself who suggested that they moved for good.

Back in the United States, Maria began to plan everything. “I sold my house,” he says. “I sold my furniture, resigned and started the process of change and immigration to Spain.”

But the transition was not simple. “It wasn’t a linear path,” he explains. “They had obstacles … But I thought, ‘Focus on the goal.”

She believes that there is a very romanticized view of moving to Spain, as if “everything was sun and sea,” but the reality is that the process is not easy.

The first house that tried to buy in Valencia didn’t work out. In addition, he failed to get a visa “Golden Visa”, a program that allows citizens outside the European Union to move and work in Spain for three years – and will be closed soon.

Fortunately, Maria had already started the process to obtain Spanish citizenship while still living in Chicago.

“It was a nightmare,” says Maria, adding that she was very grateful for being fluent in Spanish during the process, because she believes she would have faced many difficulties if it were not the case. Citizenship went out that same year.

When she and Lucas finally came to Valencia to start the new life, Mary felt immense relief.

“It was like getting to the promised land…”, he describes. “The feeling was amazing, as if I had finished a marathon.”

In the last three years, Maria and Lucas plunged into the life of the Spanish city and she says she was in a different environment did very well for both.

“I feel like I’m a quieter person,” says Maria, noting that she has done a lot of therapy and personal work in recent years.

“When Alex passed away, I was training for Ironman (a proof of resistance)… I was out of me. I just wanted to think about what had happened. ”

She believes that being away from the “epicenter of the tragedy” allowed her to finally press the break button.

“I think this was the biggest change,” he reflects. “Not living in this constant state of struggle or escape, which can be useful if a lion is chasing you.”

“But it is not sustainable. And it happens when a trauma goes. ”

Healing path

Although both she and Lucas miss friends in the United States, Maria says the two are Much happier in Valencia .

“He embraced life here, and that makes all the difference,” he says. “It would have been very difficult if I had made that decision on my own and he didn’t want to come.”

Maria also believes that Lucas is safer in Spain what would be in the US.

“I don’t need to worry about him going to school, and this is a major concern for parents of school -age children there,” he says.

“Here, People are not armed . And that was a great incentive. ”

She acknowledges that bad things can happen anywhere and mentions that her house in Valencia was robbed shortly after the change.

But it points out that in the United States, “I felt the presence of weapons” in certain situations and could never feel comfortable with it.

“Here, I can go out to run at ten at night in summer and not feel that it’s too late to be on the street,” he says.

Although he considers accessible valence “within American standards”, Maria points out that comparing prices when earning a US salary is not fair.

She has noticed significant changes in the city in recent years, especially in the cost of living, pointing out that real estate prices have doubled and many things have become more expensive.

“People work hard here, and young people often need to live with parents because they can’t support themselves,” says Maria, emphasizing that high prices have made life difficult for local residents.

“A lot of people are struggling to keep up, especially with regard to housing.”

Major changes

Maria also noticed a great increase in the number of foreigners in valence . She recalls that 20 years ago, it was rare to hear American accents on the streets.

“Maybe there were American tourists,” he comments. “But now it’s impressive. I met so many US expats. There is a huge community. And has special coffee around every corner. ”

Although planning to continue living in Valencia with Lucas, who studies at an American school, and family labrador, Peanut, Maria says that after Alex’s loss, he learned to “no longer make plans.”

“I imagine my life here,” he says.

Although sometimes feeling nostalgia of life that left behind, She is still in contact with Chicago’s friends And there is “a long list of people” wanting to visit it.

“I think when you change your environment and are open to new experiences, you start to see things another way with a new perspective,” he adds.

“Being with my family and having this support here was incredibly healer. Also, I met so many people that I would never have known if I continued where I was. ”

Even though he lived in the US and Canada for over two decades, Maria has always felt a little displaced and never completely identified with any of the places.

“It’s hard when you live in many countries,” he reflects, admitting that he feels more connected to valence than anywhere else.

Two years ago, Maria and a friend founded by the Sea Retreats, a welfare retreat company that organizes experiences in Valencia and Sagunto.

“I looked more at mental health and well-being,” he says. “I have a lot of friends in this area and I wanted to create something that really helped people.”

She is also setting up a relocation company, Valencia Vibes Relocation, along with a team.

“We want to make the whole process of change to simpler and more peaceful valence for those who want to come here,” he explains, adding that he would love to have had this kind of support when he made his own change.

Back home

For those who are thinking of moving to Spain, Maria recommends good planning and a realistic understanding of the differences between the regions of the country.

“Not every part of Spain is sunny and hot,” he warns. “If you go north, for example, you’ll get cold and a lot of rain.”

“So if you are looking for sun and want to get away from Chicago’s mood, for example, don’t go north of Spain.”

She points out that a change of this size involves risks and can bring frustrations.

“It’s a huge decision,” he emphasizes. “You are leaving a life behind and changing everything… So get ready. And prepare financially. ”

Although it was not an easy way, Maria believes that Change opened many doors And consider this “the best decision” you have ever made.

“Changing country is exciting,” he says. “Because I lost my husband, I was kind of pushed for it …”

And adds: “But some people make this choice for other reasons. And I find it amazing, because it’s an opportunity to learn a lot about yourself. ”

She also says that by spending a lifetime in the same place, you are a single version of yourself. “But when moving to another country and learns a new language, it can become a different person,” he says.

Outside the country, according to Maria, it is possible to experience a new life: “And this is exciting, because their possibilities expand.”

Although her career has taken an unexpected course, Maria is excited about the future and feels that she finally found her place.

“I’m immigrant,” he says. “But I also have ties with this place. So I see this as a return. Finally, I’m at home. ”

One of the Favorite photos of his childhood was taken on a beach of Valencia when I was about five years old.

Looking at this image today, Maria feels that this was the last moment when she smiled genuinely, spontaneously.

“I was so happy in that picture,” he recalls. “And back here it made me find that little girl on the beach, who loved to be in Spain.”

“Every day I wake up and think, ‘How lucky I am.’ And I really am. I feel very privileged to be here. ”

Spanish city asks tourists to wear clothes and behave

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Source: CNN Brasil