Sarah met Max (p.s. the names of all the protagonists in the story are not their real names) for their first date at a cocktail bar on a cool spring evening. They had “matched” online, talked about TV shows and movies and he chose the place and the time.
He was tall, intelligent, good-looking in an understated way. Sarah thought a second date might be… on the cards.
Then she felt a tap on her shoulder.
“‘It was one tall striking blonde woman. My first thought it was that he came to tell me how the kitchen was closing”Sarah tells the Guardian.
That wasn’t it, though.
“He basically said something like, ‘Look, I’m sorry to interrupt your date, but the guy across from you… I was dating him until recently… and while I was dating him he was also in a relationshipa otherthe».
Sarah says she almost went into shock.
“And the blonde woman went on to say, ‘Hi Max, and good luck,'” Sarah says.
“And he turned and disappeared.”
Annabelle (p.s. name changed) was in a relationship with Max for approx three months before she divorced him. He discovered that he was having an affair with one of her Facebook friends. That night he had gone out drinking with a friend in the same area.
“I saw the bar, I remembered that Max had taken me there to first appointment. And suddenly I saw him sitting at the same table and he was not alone”, he described. Annabelle says she felt a “sense of duty” and that she had to do what she thought was right, so she approached Sarah and Max.
Women are turning to social media to protect themselves
Such exposure and disclosure is increasingly purposeful online.
Facebook and other social media sites are fullthe with accounts where is dedicated toi in exposing fraudsters, of unbelievers and not only.
Women post pictures of men, usually with their first names, sometimes with their place of work. They are trying to find out if they are in danger to suffer violence, the any other type of abuse. This is often how they learn if the man they are dating is prone to ghosting or (disappearing suddenly) or gaslighting (psychological manipulation that makes the other person question their thoughts or perception of reality).
The pages have names like “Do we have the same man?» and women ask if anyone has any gossip about men they plan to date already have a relationship with..
“Does anyone know Daniel? Any gossip?”, “Anyone know anything about Ben?”, “Anyone know Tim’s wife?”
The responses range from reassuring the woman that the one they are dating is a good guy, to accusations of domestic violence, manipulative behavior, lying, infidelity and even psychopathy.
In one case uncovered by Guardian Australia, a woman posted it full name of a man with whom he had entered into a relationship but and them accusees that he faces“for case she goes back to Tinder”.
Women use such sites to feel safe, to check if anyone else has seen warning signs about the man they are considering dating. There are dozens of such pages in Australia with thousands of members and in some cases questions of privacy and defamation are raised.
Some men, in case they discover these posts about them, try to defend themselves. Some – because they do not have access to the specific Facebook pages – take to Reddit and report that these are fabricated stories against them and claims made as revenge for a relationship that didn’t turn out well.
Women “had to do it”
The Australian Institute of Criminology found that 3 out of 4 who use dating apps experience some form of sexual violence, which the app facilitates. These cases include sexual harassment, abusive or threatening language, sexual abuse through images.
Carla Wilshire, chief executive of the Social Policy Group and director of the Center for Digital Wellbeing, says women are driven to use these sites to protect themselves.
“Women feel they have to do this because dating platforms have basically let them down in terms of their safety,” she says.
But he also warns of problems.
“You can never You know really his intention elsewhere user”, says. “She could want to protect other women from someone who is abusive, or it could be a relationship that broke down because the other person didn’t live up to expectations.”
At the same time, Wilshire emphasizes that dating apps should use artificial intelligencein order to identify serial offenders and better protect their vulnerable users.
Source: News Beast
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