BOFO, the new millennial anxiety

In recent years, we have seen an evolution in social anxieties. If until some time ago the «FOMO» (Fear of Missing Out) was the demon that tormented our lives, today a new phenomenon is making its way: the «BOFO» (Best Options Fear)not to be confused with PHOBO (Fear of Better Options).

FOBO and BOFO are two acronyms that refer to psychological concepts related to decision and indecision, but they are not the same thing:

• PHOBO (Fear of Better Options) means «Fear of better options», describes the condition in which a person is paralyzed by indecision because he fears that there may be a better option that he has not yet considered. This fear often leads to procrastination and an inability to make decisions, as the individual continues to search for the perfect option, which may not exist.
• BOFO (Best Option Fear), although less common than FOBO, can be interpreted as the «Fear of the best option». In this case, a person may fear that they have already chosen the best option and feel anxious or uncertain if there is an even better option available, leading to ongoing doubts about the choices already made. It is a less defined concept than FOBO, and FOBO is often used to cover both anxieties about the best options.

  In summary, while FOBO focuses on the fear of missing out on a better option that may yet emerge, BOFO, as described, would represent the fear that there is always a better option than the one already chosen, maintaining a constant state of doubt and insecurity .

  And so, if FOMO pushed us to participate in everything for fear of being excluded from meaningful social experiences, BOFO makes us question our choicesconstantly fearing that there is something better we could access.

  We live in an era of abundance of choices. Thanks to technology and social media, we have access to an infinite amount of possibilities, whether it’s vacations, relationships, jobs, or even simple everyday decisions like where to dine. This wide range of options, while theoretically positive, can however lead to decision paralysis and chronic dissatisfaction.

What is the psychological impact?

What is the psychological impact? Constantly comparing ourselves to other, better options can undermine our satisfaction and self-esteem. Every decision you make can be accompanied by the persistent thought that a different choice could have brought you more happiness or success. This endless cycle of doubt and comparison can cause stress, anxiety and, in extreme cases, clinical depression.
In the world of dating chats this leads to a continuous comparison with the «what’s next»: what seems to offer infinite possibilities of happiness actually leads us to certain unhappiness.

What happen

Have you ever gone into a hypermarket and looked for shampoo? Personally, the fact of finding fifty different types of shampoo, with different possibilities of choice, makes me a little anxious, I prefer to have more limited choices. In relationships, BOFO can manifest as an inability to commit, with the constant worry that there is a more compatible or cooler partner.
At work, BOFO can result in a constant search for better opportunities, preventing us from fully investing in our current career. Even in purchasing decisions, the fear of missing out on a better deal can lead us to perpetual frustration, for example not knowing which house to buy, seeing too many, none obviously perfect. There are people who continue to waste thousands of euros on rent, not knowing how to decide.

Tips for dealing with BOFO

• Mindfulness and Awareness: Learning to live in the present and focus on current decisions can help reduce anxiety about future options.
• Limit of Choices: Consciously reducing the number of available options can simplify the decision-making process and increase satisfaction.
• Acceptance of Imperfection: Recognizing that no choice is perfect and that every decision involves compromises can help us find peace of mind. “Better a wrong decision than no decision”, say the Anglo-Saxons. Maybe we won’t be next to Prince Charming, but to a person who loves us.
• Support: Talking about your fears and anxieties with friends, family or a professional such as a coach or psychologist can provide new perspectives and solutions.

BOFO is a phenomenon that perfectly reflects the complexities of modern society, where the abundance of choices can turn into a source of real stress. Recognizing this fear and adopting strategies to manage it can help us live a more satisfying and peaceful life. BOFO can be cured, but only if you start to be aware that you are suffering from it: as always, awareness is the first step towards healing.

*Roberto D’Incau, Founder Lang&Partners